dime_liora | Who Will Love You (Who Will Fight) Part 4

Last Part

Jensen spends a good deal of time outside of the hotel room on his phone, and when he comes back in he looks a little tired, but he stills seems positive about the whole thing. And it’s dangerous, but his positivity is starting to affect Jared too.

“Ok, so, I talked to my lawyer Chris. He says that if the cops or the feds want to they can pull you in on trumped up charges to make you talk. Or at least hold you until you’re more likely to talk. So the first thing we need to do is get you out of their reach for a bit while he ties their hands. And then we can figure out the rest. It’s not a permanent solution, but it is a fairly good stop gap. Does that sound ok?”

He touches his stomach again, a habit that seems to have become unavoidable since Jensen learned the truth and he has no reason to hide it, and then he swallows thickly.

“Yeah. Yeah it sounds good. But what exactly does it mean?”

“Well, for one, it’s gonna be a little bit longer before I meet your family. And you’re going to have to disappoint your momma a little bit.”

And that isn’t as much of a surprise as he wants it to be, but it certainly isn’t happy news.

“I’m going to have to swear to her that she’ll get to meet you. And. Well. I’m going to the have to tell her about you in general. Is that ok?”

Jensen looks a little hurt for a second before he nods.

“If you want to. Do you want to?”

Jared remembers those self-help tapes. How badly he thought he needed them when he was feeling alone and weak, and then how much he hated himself for wanting to change and conform to be a little less lonely. He doesn’t necessarily think he was wrong then to change his mind, but wonders how much of that attitude he’s shown to make Jensen think he’d be ashamed or unhappy to claim him.

Then again, Jensen has just been told that Jared knew he was mated and pregnant and slipped out in the early morning hours to avoid both. So. It’s more than a little earned, and makes him feel like a giant ass.

“Yeah. I really want to. I want to share with her how happy I am.”

And that puts the smile back on Jensen’s face.

“Ok, so tell her that we’ll set up another time, but for now you and I are taking our time to bond. How does that sound?”

“It…it sounds good. You’re taking this really well, and that makes me worried that you’re not actually dealing with it.”

Jensen looks up from where he’s repacking his bag, and Jared doesn’t miss how incredibly fastidious all of his folding and placing is. His mate is a little OCD.

“Jared, I have a mate and a baby.” Jensen breaks off for a second as a huge smile overtakes his face and turns him from serious to goofy. “And that means I have more to lose than I ever imagined I would. So yeah, ok, I may be looking at this a little more positively than you think I should, but I promise I am taking it very seriously and thinking as many steps ahead as I possibly can. In my line of work it’s always necessary to plan ahead. I don’t think the hitman is our concern. If he was that riled up about you being there he would have come for you already. Instead I think we need to focus on you staying out of the spotlight until Vitaly is out of the picture. If they’ve already got someone who will talk then there’s a good chance whoever it is will give the cops enough for them to arrest him. We just need to give them time.”

“Holy shit, you really have thought this out.”

Jensen blushes and rubs the back of his neck, a mannerism that Jared finds endlessly endearing in an alpha.

“Yeah, well, I’m a little anal.”

And that one he won’t touch with a ten-foot pole.

“So, what are we going to do?”

Jensen zips up his bag and sets it upright before really looking at Jared.

“I’ve got a cabin in upstate Texas that nobody knows about other than my mom and my lawyer. It’s really isolated. We’re going to head up there and settle down. Wait it out. He’ll keep the authorities busy so that when it’s over you’re not facing charges, and we’ll actually bond. For real.”

He swallows and then pushes himself up so he can shove his own scattered clothes into his bag. It’s moving fast now, faster than he planned, and Jared isn’t scared of bonding with Jensen so much as he is that this is all a fever dream. That in reality he’s just lying in bed back at his apartment, pregnant and waiting for death.

And that’s when it hits him. How very close he was to death. The hitman was right there when he found Timur. Knocked him unconscious instead of ending him. Jared reaches out for Jensen and finds his mate there in a second.

“What? Are you ok? Is it the baby? Jared?”

“I could have died. The baby and I could have died. The killer was right there and we could have died. He must have run off before he had time because Vitaly was coming.”

A dark look crosses Jensen’s face, foreign to the expressions Jared has gotten so used to, and then it’s gone and Jensen is just holding him up.

“I don’t think that’s it. I don’t Jared. I feel like if he was really interested in killing you, and as experienced and skilled as they told you he was, then he would have done it right there. I don’t think he wants to kill you. I think he left you alive and safe for a reason. Ok? Take a deep breath. It’s ok.”

“Jensen. Jensen he’s a killer. He doesn’t care whether I’m really involved or not, he just doesn’t want to get caught.”

His mate is already shaking his head, and Jared wonders why he’s chosen this particular thing to get so passionate about.

“We shouldn’t assume that. There’s no reason to borrow trouble Jay.”

Jared lifts an eyebrow and watches the blush come over Jensen again.

“I. Sorry. Nicknames. Sorry.”

“No. No I like it. It’s what my family calls me a lot. I like it Jensen.”

And his mate grins then, all the seriousness of the previous conversation apparently forgotten. Jared’s willing to let it go.

----

The cabin is beautiful, and Jared falls in love immediately. This part of Texas is hilly, the ground rocky and tough. The pines stretch high into the air, and Jared takes a deep breath of them and thinks of Jensen. He spots a fire pit on the way into the cabin and wonders if he can talk Jensen into roasting marshmallows.

It takes forever to unload all of the groceries they picked up, and Jared tries to not fall in love with Jensen based solely off the amount of meat and sugar he bought without being prompted. He gets a hands-on tour of the kitchen as they unpack everything , and then Jensen takes him through the big one-room cabin and up into the loft that contains the bed.

Soft. It’s soft and huge, and Jared settles down into it and falls asleep almost instantly. The stress of the trip, of lying to his momma when she squealed and cheered over his finally finding a mate, has gotten to him. Jensen is content to tuck him in and stay until Jared is almost fully asleep. Then his mate slips off so silently Jared doesn’t realize he’s gone until he rolls over and finds empty bed space.

Jared sleeps until the sun has gone down, wakes up to darkness and follows the lights from downstairs to the kitchen area. Jensen is standing in front of the prep island handling a knife like a professional chef as he chops vegetables.

“Hey. You want some help?”

Jensen looks up, hands moving automatically and smoothly, and Jared watches in wonder. How many things does he not know about Jensen? How much will he learn while they’re here in their self-imposed isolation?

“Sure, can you make hamburger patties?”

They chat about nothing as Jared forms the meat carefully. He was allowed to help his momma cook, but he’d never been very good at it, and never been interested in learning. Too traditional for his tastes. It appears he’s lucked out again because Jensen is so handy in the kitchen Jared won’t even really need to cook.

“Hey, uh, Jensen?”

His mate looks up from the pan of oil he’s heating up and smiles, face bright in the kitchen lights and Jared is momentarily unable to breathe at how absolutely stunning Jensen is.

“Jared?”

“Yeah. Yeah sorry. I was just wondering if. Do you. I know it’s fast, and I seem to have serious commitment issues, but do you want to. To make this official? After all this mess is over? We could do that.”

Jensen’s face becomes something that is hard to look at, his joy overwhelming as he drops the spatula and rounds the island to grab Jared up in a hug.

“YES! Yes Jared I would, yes, yes please. Please, I would like that very much.”

Jared hugs back, trying to get breath through Jensen’s tight grip.

“Ok. Down. Breathing.”

“Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah of course.” Jensen sets him down but doesn’t let go. “You really want that?”

“Yeah. I think I do. I mean…I’m not going to find anybody who will ever be as cool about what appears to be my personal vortex of weird as you are.”

Jensen grins and then lets go to drop potatoes into the oil and start frying up the hamburgers in the other skillet.

“Well, my dad always said my zen would be my best chance at attracting a mate.”

“Your body and face don’t hurt.”

Jensen waggles his tongue and then settles into the routine of cooking. Jared watches him for a bit before looking out the big picture window across the cabin. The darkness beyond is deep, and Jared wonders how many times Jensen has come up here alone. It’s beautiful, but it would be awfully lonely without someone else.

“Did you get the Tower because of your Dad?”

He doesn’t plan to ask it, regrets it instantly, but Jensen’s face is still relaxed as he fishes out home fries and drops them on a paper towel before flipping the burgers.

“My mom actually. She’s…I told you Dad’s death hit her really hard right? Made her more work obsessed?”

“Yeah. You mentioned that.”

Jensen stares at the burgers contemplatively, the look on his face saying he is far away and long ago.

“Well, for a little while her work got way more dangerous than it had ever been. And I was right there with her. Dropped out of school and everything so we could go on more and more trips across the border. Because I had to learn the trade and fast. I think she knew then that she couldn’t do it much longer. Contract work is too precise, and she was too messed up to keep that level of precision.”

He fiddles with the knife in front of him, staring at the chopped vegetables on the board as he processes that.

“You guys built houses in Mexico?”

Jensen flips the burgers again before putting the spatula down and looking at Jared.

“We did a lot of work in Mexico. Mom’s best clients were down that way, and they had a lot of work for her after Dad died. Maybe before too, but she had more reason to be home before that. I was actually fluent in Spanish by the time I was ten.”

He’s moving then, plating burgers and putting out condiments as Jared swallows all of that down. Jensen puts a big plate of fries in front of Jared and then adds two burgers. And Jared doesn’t argue for portion control, because he can definitely down both of them.

Conversation flows easily once the topic changes, and Jared is pleased to find that while they don’t have exactly the same taste in movies and music, Jensen is open to trying new things and converting Jared to his own. And Jared likes that. Likes that their differences will make this interesting.

He wonders where they’ll end up. If Jensen’s home base of operations is in Dallas maybe he can look at opening a shop there. There’s no reason to stay in LA at this point, and Jared doesn’t think he’d want to anyway.

It’s a thought for a later time, because dinner is finished and Jared is pleasantly full and ready to fall asleep again. They shower together, sharing kisses and slow and gentle handjobs that last until the water runs cold and Jared comes on Jensen’s thigh. Then they fall into bed together, naked and wet, and Jared curls into Jensen and falls asleep.

This time he’s pretty sure Jensen stays.

---

Days pass smoothly. They go fishing together on the lake near Jensen’s cabin, and Jared laughs at all of Jensen’s stories about coming here as a kid and learning the hard way what not to do on a boat from his father. They roast marshmallows at night, watch what few movies Jensen has at the cabin together, and Jared learns more about cooking than he ever thought he would from watching Jensen.

Biology may have blindsided him with Jensen, may have tricked him into losing his chemically controlled grip on his body, but it has pretty good taste.

And Jared isn’t ashamed to say that he’s falling in love with Jensen. It’s not just the hormones; it’s the man himself. He’s impossible not to love. They just fit together, and Jared feels like he’s known Jensen forever.

That thought comes back to haunt him on the eighth day of their stay at the cabin, when Jared comes downstairs to find Jensen sitting on the couch staring out the picture window at the sunrise as he taps keys on his phone blindly.

“Hey Jen. I was thinking today we’d start with omelets? How do you feel about omelets?”

Jensen doesn’t look at him, fingers still moving rapidly and eyes fixed on the horizon.

“Yeah. Sure Jared.”

It’s not like Jensen. Nothing like any side of Jensen he’s ever seen, and Jared crosses the floor in front of Jensen and gently grips his mate’s face before tilting it so that Jensen is looking right at him.

“What’s wrong?”

Jensen licks his lips, eyes still somewhere far away even as they turn towards Jared.

“Today’s not going to be a great day for bonding Jay. I’m going to need you to go up to the loft and stay there.”

Something cold crawls up Jared’s spine as he lets go of Jensen’s chin and steps back.

“What?”

“I need you to go up to the loft, draw the curtains, and stay there for a bit. Just a little while. I’ve got to take care of something and I don’t know exactly when it’s going to happen.”

Jared takes a deep breath and then crouches so that he’s on level with Jensen.

“You want me to hide in the loft while you do something? What could you possibly need to do that would require me to hide in the loft Jensen?”

He tries, he really does, to not sound pissed off. But it’s so odd, and confusing, and Jared hasn’t had to deal with odd or confusing in days. He feels like he’s looking at a stranger. And that’s when he notices the case at Jensen’s feet. It’s unlocked, the little snaps upright, but it’s closed.

Something comes over him in that moment, and Jared reaches out and grabs the lid before lifting it. Jensen never says a word, and that’s good because Jared isn’t sure he could listen to anything Jensen has to say right then.

A rifle. A sniper rifle. Broken into pieces and packed into foam made for it. It sits in the case shiny and perfect, obviously well-loved, and without any possible logical explanation attached to it.

“Why. Why do you have this?”

“I need you to go upstairs into the loft Jared. When this over I can explain everything, but I need to take care of this. Do you understand? I thought we had a little longer, but we don’t. Please. Go upstairs.”

Jared lets go of the case and falls backwards onto his ass, bouncing a little on the hard wood floor before looking up at Jensen. His mate’s face is cold, composed, and Jared hates it. Because it’s a mockery of the doofy man that he’s fallen in love with. The silly alpha that wanted Jared to be his own person and looked like he would cry with joy when he realized Jared was pregnant.

“Jensen, you’re scaring me and I don’t like it. What’s going on?”

And the alpha that has taken over the place of his mate gets off the couch and carefully and gently lifts Jared.

“You’re going upstairs now. That last text was the heads-up from Chris that Vitaly and his hit squad just appeared on my perimeter cameras. You and the baby are going to be safe.”

Jared lets himself be led to the base of the stairs before he turns and gives in to the rage boiling under his skin. His fist strikes Jensen in the jaw and sends the alpha reeling. Jensen doesn’t strike back, but he does touch his jaw once before looking at Jared again. There’s sadness there, buried under the layers of self-control, and Jared is glad to see it.

“You can’t be. You can’t be him. They said he’d been-”

My mother was a contractor too. Business in Mexico. Fluent in Spanish.

“Jared. We can talk about this later if you want. After I know you’re safe.”

“Just say why. Just tell me why you did this to me. Why you didn’t just fucking kill me instead of using me to get close to them.”

At that Jensen’s mask wavers, and he reaches out before stepping back.

“My mom was in this business when she met my dad. It was hard for him to accept too. But he did. And then they took him from us. These random criminals. Because they wanted a TV. So Mom started working harder, and she taught me too. Because someone has to stop them. Someone has to make them afraid. I don’t kill the innocent. I do my own research. I wasn’t there for you; I was there to put fear in your boss, to kill his murdering asshole thugs. I was just interested in you, why you’d be there, and then I got close to you in the bar and I smelled you and it was all over. I’m sorry, Jared. I really am. And if you hate me I understand, but the last step to keeping you safe is taking out Vitaly and I can’t do that properly if you’re here. So please. Please go up the stairs. Please let me do this.”

Jared swallows thickly, and then he turns without speaking and heads up the stairs. He half expects to spend his time there listening to gunfire and madness, but instead moments after he’s sat down on the bed they’ve been sharing he hears the front door close.

And then there’s silence. For a maddening hour there’s silence. Jared has time to imagine a thousand different ways in which Jensen has died. How Vitaly will come barreling up the stairs into the little space that they’ve claimed as their own. How he’ll probably kill Jared by hand, just to make sure. Or to bleed out some of his rage.

But when the door opens and closes, when the sound of footsteps reaches the stop of the stairs and Jared looks up from his hands, there’s Jensen. Jensen with dirt smudged on his face and covering his clothes. Jensen looking otherwise perfectly put together. Minus the bruise forming on his face.

“Jared?”

And he surges up, grabs Jensen’s shirt, and starts ripping at it. When Jensen tries to help, Jared shakes him so hard he can hear his mate’s teeth rattle before Jensen goes limp and just lets Jared tear the clothes off of him.

They end up in the little bathroom with Jared still dressed and dragging a naked Jensen into the shower. He starts the water up and then pushes Jensen under the spray and holds him there. Jared doesn’t realize he’s crying until Jensen’s fingers brush the tears from his face.

“Don’t you ever-you listen to me. You never get to fucking lie again. You never get to scare me like that again. Do you understand me? We’ll figure out the rest of it later when I’m not fucking crazy, but you never ever get to fucking do this again to me. Surprise me with something like this and then disappear on me. I don’t care what you think you’re doing. I’m your mate. I’m carrying your baby. You fucking never- Goddamn you Jensen.”

And of course, because it’s Jensen, he’s surprised again. Jensen’s lip trembles, his face curls, and then he pulls Jared in as he begins to cry.

“Thank you. Thank you, Jay. Thank you. I’m so sorry. I promise. I promise.”

It’s not fixed, but it’s a step. A definite step.

After Jensen is clean and Jared has removed his own clothes and gotten clean himself they head to bed, and Jensen lies with his head on Jared’s still flat stomach. Jared wants to say something, something intelligent or important.

He needs to, but he can’t.

He’s realized something vital about himself today that he never expected to learn.

Jared is in love with Jensen. It’s not the fear of being a single parent or never finding someone who will fit with him so well again. Jared’s been alone before. He might not have adored it but he was ok with it. No, ultimately his decision has nothing to do with outside factors at all.

Jared is in love with Jensen, and that means that the idea of losing Jensen is naturally abhorrent. He wonders if this is how Jensen’s father felt. If he learned the truth about his mate and weighed the pros and cons before deciding that his love for her was worth more than his own morality.

Can he live with the fact that Jensen kills the sort of person that would casually murder someone like his father? That Jensen, whether he realizes it or not, is on a neverending quest for vengeance that has already been served?

He can. He can because at the end of the day the man he saw today, the killer, Santa Muerte, that’s not Jensen. It’s something he’s been taught, a title his mother passed down to him the way most parents leave heirloom China or old photo albums. It’s an identity that Jensen inherited and doesn’t know how to shake so that the warm and gentle man that Jared fell in love with has total control.

Jared can live with it because he loves Jensen, and that’s what has to matter at the end of the day.

So he sinks his fingers into Jensen’s hair and thinks of the present instead of the terrifyingly open and vague future, and the person he’s become.

Masterpost

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: "Skinny Love"-Bon Iver

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

supersockie.livejournal.com

Wow, I really like this fic! I love Jensen's control, his double life as Santa Muerte and his total adoration of Jared. I hope you revisit these characters someday, thank you for writing this!

From:

These fragments I have shored against my ruins.

Who Will Love You (Who Will Fight) Part 4

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