Damage (2/3)
Aug. 13th, 2013 12:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dime_lioraTitle: Damage
Wordcount: 21,587
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OFC, Jared/OFC
Warning(s): Serious angst, infidelity
Beta(s): The ever incredible, earned a buttload of cupcakes, Sammichgirl.
Prompt(s): Written for an anonymous bidder for the AO3 auction. Loosely based off of the movie Damage.
Summary: Jensen Ackles has the perfect life. He's the governor of Texas, happily married, and has an incredible daughter. Everything is fine, until his little girl brings her new boyfriend home.
Governor Ackles and Family Taking Charity to a New Level?
The story breaks the day of the opera. It makes it to the top of the social pages in the major newspapers, three local news stations, and countless internet blogs. The headline is the least offensive section of it. Emily finds it first, and there’s pity written all over her pretty face as she holds it out to Jensen and clicks her tongue.
They dug deep enough to find out about Jared’s mother and her economic status, his major, and the fact that he’s a part-time employee at a small bookstore. The story seems to be that to support his pro-social agenda Marty had chosen a boy from the lower classes to lift up and refine. The news stations try the Cinderella spin, and some of the blogs follow their lead. The social page and the rest of the internet hacks go the other way. They speculate just how much Jared must be pumping out of the family. There’s a great deal of sympathy for Jensen, who has to buy “the mutt” clothes and house him for the sake of his daughter.
Jensen closes his laptop the second Jared comes into the room, Marty holding his hand and laughing at something he said. The look on his and Emily’s face gives away the game, and Marty raises an eyebrow while Jared visibly braces himself.
The kid makes it through the paper article, and Marty reads two blogs while flicking her eyes up to the TV. She’s the one who breaks, and Jensen isn’t surprised. His daughter has always had a big heart.
“Those bastards! This isn’t true. Daddy we have to-“
“But it is.” Jensen tries to avoid whiplash when he turns to Jared’s flat voice. “Your dad had to buy my clothes so I’d be able to go.”
Marta blanches, her lips trembling, and then Jared’s hard expression melts and he pulls Jensen’s daughter in and shushes her.
“I’m sorry Marty. That wasn’t fair. I know you were just trying to include me. It’s not your fault.”
Except it is. It’s all of their faults, and as gracious and strong as Jared is being there’s a slump to his shoulders that wasn’t there before.
Jensen suggests they blow the opera off, but Emily points out that will only fuel the fire. She’s probably right.
----
He wants to reach out and grab Jared’s shoulder. To hold the kid up under the barrage of lights and shouts. The press of the reporters around them is palpable, and Jensen holds up a hand to wave them off as they head down the roped off path to the grand doors of the opera house.
“Governor Ackles is this a new charity program? Jared does this feel like a fairy tale? Mrs. Ackles who are you wearing? Marta did you pick him to make a political point about public assistance programs?”
The questions are rapid fire, and when Marty goes to stop and answer Jared and Jensen both lead her off the carpet and inside. She’s fuming, and Jensen doesn’t miss how tired and stressed out Jared looks.
“How dare they. Dad, can we please make a new law regarding the media’s access to the entrances of public places?”
It’s Jared that answers, voice calm if strained, “Marty I think you answered your own question with the word public. It’s okay darling. I’m not bothered.”
Except he is, Jensen can see it, and for a second he almost reaches out to the younger man. The instinct scares him.
They take their box seats, and as is tradition fifteen minutes before intermission Jensen gets up to use the restroom before the crowd starts. Emily nudges Jared gently and whispers in his ear, and the younger man gets up to join Jensen.
Maybe it’s the lingering look of pain, or just the fucked up wiring that caused that first kiss, but Jensen only manages to wait until after they’ve used the facilities to press Jared into a dark corner and pull him down into a kiss.
Lips just as sweet as he remembered and fingers wrapping tightly into his tux as Jared hauls him closer and eats at his mouth. Jensen can’t help but wonder if this is the way it will always be between them, desperation and need outweighing guilt and fear.
He pulls his mouth back, body still pressed firmly against the younger man, and he can feel the hard length of Jared pressed against his hip. Jensen wonders what would happen – and then he’s not wondering as he’s cupping the head of Jared’s considerable cock through tuxedo trousers and listening to the choked off sounds Jared makes.
“What – what are you doing to me?” It comes out unbidden as Jensen thrusts against Jared’s thigh and moans from the sweet friction. He feels unhinged, out of control, and it’s surprisingly nice to be that way.
“Shut up.” Jared’s head is shaking as he rocks into Jensen’s grip, eyes closed and head tilting back to thump against the wall.
Any second now the chime will sound and people will come streaming out into the hallways. They have to stop this, but the heat building in his belly won’t let him do anything but rut against Jared and seek his orgasm.
He shifts his hand, grip tightening and loosening over the head of Jared’s hard cock as his breath accelerates. The length of Jared’s exposed neck taunts him, but Jensen can’t mark the boy. Can’t leave any evidence of what they’re doing because that would out them so surely they may as well be doing this in public.
Oh. Wait.
Jensen’s right there, right on top of it, and his mouth moves again despite the crinkling of Jared’s forehead and the look of distaste that consumes the pleasure on his features.
“Don’t let them get to you. You’re here because Marty wants you. Nothing they say makes you less than what you are.”
Jared’s mouth goes slack and his body tightens as he comes in his pants. Jensen doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t wait, he grips Jared tight and follows him over the edge.
In the aftermath they stand there, clinging to each other, and then Jared’s voice is broken and pained without Jensen knowing what exactly is paining him. It brings up that thick protectiveness that makes no sense and seems to be planted directly in the lizard part of his brain.
“What am I?”
He steps back and adjusts his tuxedo. Considers slipping back into the bathroom to wipe the rapidly cooling come out of his boxers and try to let the flush on his face die out before Emily can see it.
“I’m not even sure anymore.”
---
Emily’s pinning her hair up as Jensen watches.
He knows those hands. He’s held them more times than he can count, fingers entwining with fingers, and every line and wrinkle is familiar to him. She’s aged so well that sometimes it’s hard to recognize how many years have passed since the first time he saw her smiling in the sunshine and brushing her beautiful blonde hair back.
Jensen is betraying her. Not just on a physical level, but something deeper and more sinful. Emily has given him everything he ever asked of her. She’s been loyal, she’s been supportive, and she carried and bore their beautiful little girl. Sure, they’ve fought once or twice. They don’t see eye to eye on everything, and Emily has a habit of being a spoiled princess, but she’s never been anything less than a wonder to him.
Then there’s Marta. His little girl, his baby, and Jensen has spent her entire life wanting nothing but the best for her. He’s always been willing to give up anything if it meant making sure that she’s protected from pain. In a way it’s facilitated the same habits and beliefs in her that he hates to see in her mother. She knows logically that people suffer, that there’s a class divide, but she’s never experienced it.
How would she feel if she knew that her father was the kind of asshole that would cheat on his wife? Worse that he was doing it with her boyfriend, a man Jensen was fairly certain she loved.
Control. Peter Ackles taught him that life is all about control. When his brother was exiled, when he was only considered worthwhile for his achievements, and when he flirted with the same fate as his brother to espouse liberal beliefs it was always with that control firmly in place.
It was probably the only thing that saved him in his father’s eyes. None of it was personal none of it was passion driven, and Jensen never made a decision that didn’t have the backing of logic and reason. This thing with Jared defied his entire belief system. Went against everything he stood for. He was betraying his family, his code, and his constituents with every encounter.
Yet despite all that he wanted more. He wanted to know what Jared would sound like without the constraints of potential exposure. To see the young man spread out and naked before him, trembling and sweating as Jensen tests out every inch of his flesh and learns every line and nuance.
Emily’s fingers draw him back to the present, to the soft reality of her curvy body and gentle voice.
“Jen? You alright?”
I’m a bastard. I want you and Marty, but I want Jared too. I’m afraid I want one more than the other.
“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine Em I’m just tired.”
----
He manages to avoid being alone with Jared for the next three weeks. It does two very specific things to him. The first is that his need only gets worse as the time passes. With every look and near-miss Jensen wants more than he did before. He knows what those lips taste like, and watching them curl in a smile or slick with Jared’s tongue makes him crazy.
The lust is exacerbated by the second thing. Not seeing Jared as simply an illicit pleasure makes him see him as a person. He gets to learn that Jared has an indomitable spirit, and despite the fact that the press coverage only gets more insulting as time goes on Jared handles it all with grace. Jensen learns that Jared is incredibly sweet and generous. The young man has time for everyone, a smile that bolsters the spirit without effort, and a sense of humor that is both adult and child-like in a completely perfect and paradoxical way.
Every sweet smile, every unabashed belly laugh, and every moment that Jensen spends with Jared and his family makes him yearn for something more. It’s like watching a romance story from the inside. For the first time in Jensen’s life he yearns for something that has no relation to his reputation or success.
It’s unfortunate, but at the one month mark Jensen knows that this is something he’s not going to shake. No matter how hard he tries to disengage from Jared he simply can’t. At first because there’s no way to do it without making Marty and Emily suspicious, but then because of Jared himself.
The transition from the mansion to the beach house is always stressful. Emily oversees most of it, and Jensen tries to stay out of her way. He’s got a lot on his plate right now, and Chris is ratcheting up the same-sex marriage bill fight despite Jensen’s urging against it.
Everything gets put on hold for this though. Once a year everything gets put on hold for family.
----
It’s official, inviting Jared to the beach house is the dumbest idea Jensen has ever had. The kid has the same ridiculously baggy shorts as all the boys his age, and the lack of accentuation to his ass and crotch leaves Jensen staring at the rest of him that much harder.
If it wasn’t for the blackout quality sunglasses he has on Emily would have long figured out that Jensen is watching the play of muscles over their daughter’s boyfriend’s back and stomach as she points out paint swatches for the entranceway to beach house.
The Gulf is usually what takes his attention away from his wife’s constant interior decoration decisions, but the stunning expanse of blue is no competition for the way water sluices down the planes and angles of Jared’s torso.
He has Marty perched on his shoulders as he slams through the waves, laughter drifting over the sand to where Jensen is stretched out, and he’s overwhelmed with the urge to head into the water and taste the sea salt no doubt clinging to the boy’s lips.
“-and tomorrow Marty wants you to take Jared out on the water while we go shopping.”
Jensen jerked and turned to his wife. “Excuse me?”
Emily’s smile was broad and teasing. “I knew you weren’t listening. I said Marty wants you to take Jared out on the boat. Maybe fish a little, but mostly get to know him better while she and I go shopping.”
He carefully nestled his water bottle into the sand before turning to Emily and giving her his full attention.
“Why am I getting to know him better?”
“Because he’s your daughter’s boyfriend and until this thing falls through we have to play nice and keep an eye on the boy.”
“An eye on the boy?” Jensen reached for his water and tried to avoid Emily’s suddenly sharp gaze.
“Well doesn’t he seem a little, I don’t know, too perfect to you? He came out of nowhere, gets along with everybody, and he looks like, well, that.” She gestured helplessly at the water where Jared was now Marty free and practically glittering in the sun.
Jensen swallowed thickly and looked away.
“What’s your point Em?”
“I like him Jen, I really do, but I don’t know if I trust him. Something’s…off about him. Wrong. Don’t you feel it?” She took his hand in hers and leaned in.
Jensen pressed his lips against Emily’s softly before pulling back.
“Yeah. I feel it.”
---
Jared’s hair was blowing back in the wind, smile fixed firmly on his face as Jensen navigated the boat out into deeper water. He dropped anchor at his favorite spot and set up his rod before turning to see Jared struggling with his own.
“Never been fishing before?”
The boy blushed prettily and then nodded. “Mom didn’t have time and Dave-“ His voice broke off and a shadow crossed Jared’s face as he tried to reel in the line he’d dropped.
“Dave? That was your older brother, right?” Jensen tried to sound uninterested and distanced even as he studied Jared carefully. There was pallor under that tan and a strange sort of sadness Jensen didn’t think Jared capable of.
Jared nodded, cleared his throat, and then laid the rod down without casting his line. “Yeah. Dave.”
“That must have been tough, dealing with his suicide. Did he leave a note?” Jensen watched the way Jared’s hands shook before his face became a blank wall.
“Nope. Just kind of snapped one day. Dave was always wound a little too tight.” Jared reached for the beer Jensen had handed him earlier and sipped it before shooting the older man a glance. “Is this really what you want to do while we’re out here all alone?”
And Jensen was almost surprised by the answer that came out before he could stop it.
“Yes.”
Since Emily had suggested this outing Jensen had imagined what they could do alone and isolated in the ocean. Just the two of them rocking on the waves, Jared spread out under the sun with all that tan skin on display for Jensen’s mouth and hands. Suddenly though, all he wanted was to know what would put the boy on defensive, what had that sadness in his eyes. He finally understood the blank look and what it meant, and this new layer to Jared was intriguing. Made him more than the simple and friendly boy that everyone saw.
Jared grunted and then took a deeper swallow of his beer.
“It’s not a nice story Jensen. Not the kind of story you wanna hear.”
For some reason, Jensen took offense to that.
“What kind of story do I want to hear then?”
Jared’s eyes flew up, flashed with something too fast for Jensen to read, and then shuttered. His face went coy, seductive, and he licked salt and beer from his lips before leaning in.
“You wanna hear that I’m not gonna bring shame on your family. That I may be the poor charity case, but I’m likable and simple enough. I can fill the time ‘til Marty finds a more respectable boy at her social level, and then I’ll be a distant memory. That artist boy that once dated Texas royalty. After all, what’s important in life other than your image?”
Jensen dropped his rod on the deck and pushed up, into Jared’s space and crashing into the wood before he could think about it. He claimed the soft pink lips that had been haunting him, licked past the taste of salt air and into Jared’s mouth, and took the hateful words right out. Lips sliding on lips and slick tongues tangling Jensen left behind only Jared’s want and need expressed in moans and sighs.
“You don’t know a thing about me.” He nipped Jared’s lower lip and watched the boy arch up into his hands. “You don’t know my priorities, you don’t know my wants, and you don’t know my opinions.”
Jared’s eyes were still closed when his big hands slid up Jensen’s ribs and settled on his shoulder blades, pulling their bodies tightly together as he ground his erection up into Jensen’s.
“I know you put family first, and that’s why I don’t understand this.” Hazel eyes opened to take him in, and that tongue slid out and along Jensen’s lips. “I don’t get why you’re doing this.”
“You don’t have to.” Jensen hooked his fingers in the drawstring of Jared’s board shorts and pulled the bow, slid his hand underneath the waistband, and made the slow journey over smooth and tight flesh towards what he’d felt would be an incredible prize.
Until Jared’s big hand stopped his progress.
“I do. I do have to. I need to know why I’m betraying the nicest girl I ever met. Why I feel bad about it, but only in the background. I need to know that.” His eyes were serious, huge, and Jensen felt his blood run cold as he considered again all the potential fallout this could bring.
He’d been taught to never give until he was sure to get back.
“You tell me about your brother and I’ll tell you what my reasoning is. Sound good?” His hand was stalled, fingers brushing wiry hair and taut pelvic muscle, and he twitched them once to see lust darken Jared’s serious look.
“Dave was in love with a guy that turned him down. He couldn’t handle the rejection and the guilt, so he killed himself. At least that’s what the note said.” Jared swallowed thickly. “It was a really ugly situation.”
There was more to the story than that, had to be, but Jensen was willing to let it rest there because there were tears in Jared’s big eyes, and he didn’t particularly care for that look.
“I don’t know why I’m doing this. A part of me wants to say because I’m dying to fuck you senseless, taste every inch of you, and just reduce it to that. Simple lust. But I’ve never cheated on my wife, never even considered it, and lust wouldn’t make me do that. Something – something about you makes me crazy. Makes me want to wrap you up in this protective bubble where the only one who can get inside you is me. I feel like you see a part of me no one else does, and that I really want that part seen.”
Jared’s fingers tore at the button on his shorts, popped it off in his urgency before pulling on the zipper and getting his hand in the same position as Jensen’s. Fingertips stroked the head of his cock, and Jensen was rock hard again as if the serious conversation had never happened.
Jensen ignored the rest of it, the leftover mystery and the cloud of potential disaster hanging over his head, and focused on the feel of Jared’s skin, the velvet hardness of his cock, and the thick timbre of his moans. His grip was unsure at first, but the second hesitant stroke drug the sweetest moan out of the boy underneath him, and Jensen made sure to stick to that formula.
The problem became he didn’t want to come jerking each other off. He wanted more than illicit teenage pleasures. It took a considerable amount of willpower to push up and away, scramble at the hem of Jared’s shirt, and then lift it to expose more skin.
Lying there, board shorts and underwear pushed down around his thighs, skin flushed, sunlit, and mouth open exposing his talented tongue, Jared looked the picture of debauchery. Jensen had never wanted any person more than he wanted the man in front of him, and the fact that he could have it made him feel like laughing hysterically.
The next fifteen or twenty minutes were all sensation; the steady breeze whipping against the skin of his back as Jared’s fingers dug and pulled at the muscles there, the slide of Jared’s hot flesh against his lips, the taste of pre-come and skin, the salt-air mixed with the musk of Jared’s groin, and the breathless pleading of the man twisting and jerking underneath him.
When Jared scrambled at his hair, voice cracking around Jensen’s name, he increased his suction and flicked his tongue against the bundle of nerves under the flared head. Jared came, filled Jensen’s mouth, and then pulled him up to share the taste.
For a moment Jared was pliant underneath him, tongue lapping lazily at the come in Jensen’s mouth, and then Jensen was being manhandled backwards. His back slammed painfully into the side of the boat and then Jared’s mouth was wrapped around his cock.
It was just as delicious a picture as he imagined it to be. Pink lips sliding along his shaft, tongue working the vein, and big hands spreading Jensen’s thighs wider before slipping down to collect the saliva at the corners of Jared’s mouth and trail it along Jensen’s balls.
A finger pressed against his perineum, rubbed vigorously, and Jensen spilled all too early into Jared’s mouth as his fingers twisted in that long and soft hair. Hazel eyes met his, mouth still sucking the last of his release rhythmically, and Jensen brushed his thumb against the soft corner of Jared’s lips where they met his own flesh.
“This can’t end well Jared. You know that right? I love my wife.”
Jared released him slowly, mouth trembling for a moment before that blankness came back.
“And I love Marty.”
---
They had three more days on the water during the family vacation, and each one ended in an orgasm followed by crushing need and guilt.
Jensen lay awake at night staring at Emily as she slept innocent and sweet beside him. He knew that face, knew her dreams because she’d been telling them to him for twenty years, but what he didn’t know was how she would react to what was going on right under her nose.
In a way Emily was picking up on something. Her suspicion of Jared only grew as the time went on, and while her smile was still bright and focused in front of him behind closed doors she told Jensen a variety of fears.
That Jared was using Marty for publicity, that he had some hidden scandal, and that he was going to break their little girl’s heart. Jensen couldn’t honestly argue with two of those, but he found counter-arguments anyway.
His daughter was more smitten with every day, and by the time they were scheduled to leave the beach house it seemed that all she could talk about was Jared. Jensen understood all too well.
Jensen secretly loved having Jared there in the giant viewing room, laughing with him at sci-fi movies his wife and daughter had no interest in, joking with Tom and Mike on the golf course, and generally watching the younger man bring joy to everyone around him. Everyone but Emily.
Returning to real life meant separating from Jared, and it was harder than Jensen could have imagined. He saw the younger man at family dinners, but for the most part Jared had his classes and Jensen had his work.
The first text message came in at two in the morning as Jensen was reading over a particularly nasty piece of legislation regarding school vouchers.
I miss the way your eyes crinkle.
Jensen stared at it for a long time, finger hovering over the red x to delete it, before he finally hit respond.
I miss the way you clutch yourself when you laugh.
Fall was crashing in on them, election season rearing its ugly head as politicians struggled to follow their original campaign promises and assure themselves continued positions in government. Jensen was endorsing like a mad man, running from one rubber chicken dinner to another, and he honestly couldn’t remember a single season that had been this exhausting.
The highlight of his day became the late night messages from Jared, stolen pieces of commentary on art he was making or things he liked.
Jensen learned that Jared spent ten hours of every week at a shelter, never visited his mother, and hated going to his own gallery shows. He liked to watch people’s reactions to his work, but he hated discussing the work with them.
For every piece of information that Jared gave him Jensen was required to give something back. He told Jared about how little he felt he was actually able to do for his constituents, how sometimes he longed to move somewhere that wouldn’t have a single camera, and how sometimes he resented the amount of publicity that Emily insisted they have.
It wasn’t that he didn’t agree with her, it was necessary for the governor to put on a good face for the voters, but that didn’t change how tired he was of dancing in front of cameras and putting on a suit to smile at people who wanted to tank his agendas.
Despite the connection between them Jensen felt further from Jared then he did when their only interaction was playing basketball before dinner or watching a movie with Emily and Marty. Despite the guilt that came with it there was a sensation when they were in the room, like the two women that were the most important thing in his life had disappeared, and all that was left was himself and Jared.
And that’s how he ended up checking into a suite at the Driskill on a Wednesday night when he was supposed to be in his office arguing campaign strategies with Tom.
----
Hyatt may have gutted the interior of the Driskill to make it modern, but the stone edifice still looked properly antique and imposing. It was, by Jensen’s admittedly outdated standards, the prettiest hotel in Austin. It was also the most discreet, and the easiest to slip in and out of.
Jensen took his keycard at the desk, left the second one with the clerk, and headed up to the suite. The view of Austin’s downtown was as breath-taking as ever, and Jensen was standing at the floor to ceiling windows when the door opened behind him. He held his breath, hands in his pockets and body taut trying to look casual.
There was the clink of keys, something else rattling along the wood of the coffee table, and then strong arms slid around Jensen’s waist. Lips pressed against his neck, and Jensen watched the reflection of Jared in the window, overwhelmed by the city skyline.
Speckled with lights Jared’s reflected shape was hypnotizing, and Jensen reached up and tangled his fingers into Jared’s hair as he tilted his head to the side.
They were a stereotype, a water-cooler joke, the aging politician and his young lover. Despite knowing that, being able to chart its potential fallout and weigh the costs versus the pay-off, Jensen couldn’t make himself care.
He turned to Jared, arms sliding up to grip Jared’s neck. “Now what?”
That darkness he was getting used to flashed through Jared’s expressive eyes, and then it was nothing but affection and concern.
“You look terrible.” Fingers slid through his hair before Jared cupped his face. “Are you sleeping?”
Despite himself Jensen felt the grimace form. “As much as I can. I have responsibilities Jared.”
If Jared took exception to his tone he didn’t say it. “Strip.”
It was more forward than he’d expected, but Jensen was down for anything that meant getting Jared naked and underneath him. Reducing this to its proper level of seediness and weeding out the emotional intimacy it had temporarily gained.
Jared simply watched as Jensen stripped off the layers of his public identity. When he looked up from pulling off his socks and balling them up together Jared was still dressed and studying him thoughtfully.
“You gonna get naked, or are you planning on sketching me like one of your French ladies?”
The joke fell flat under Jared’s gaze, and finally Jensen crossed the space between them and pulled on Jared’s shirt until the man got the hint and lifted his arms to be stripped. It evened the playing field a little, or so Jensen thought, but then Jared grabbed him by the hips and practically threw him onto the plush king-sized bed.
He watched as Jared finished stripping, as the younger man poured lube over his own fingers, and then Jared knelt on the end of the bed and began to finger himself open holding Jensen’s gaze the whole time.
Jensen itched and burned to touch Jared, to crawl across the mattress and lick, bite, and taste him while he felt those long and talented fingers work the tight hole open. Instead he stayed frozen to the spot, achingly hard and hopelessly needy for what was right in front of him.
Jared tossed him the lube bottle. “Get yourself ready for me.” The usually sweet and happy voice was thick and low and Jensen couldn’t help but comply.
His right hand gripped the base of his cock tightly, staving off orgasm, and the left slicked himself up and then stroked lazily as he watched Jared’s head tilt back and his eyes close in pleasure.
Then the younger man was on him, batting his hands away and positioning himself over the head of Jensen’s cock. Their eyes stayed locked together, Jared licking his pink lips once and tilting his head thoughtfully again, and then slowly, so slowly, the tight heat of Jared’s ass slid down onto Jensen’s cock.
Not wearing a condom was swiftly followed by holyshityesgod, and Jensen managed to move enough to grab Jared’s hips and guide his pace a bit.
Fingers stroked his face, slid through his hair, and circled his nipples as Jared slid up and down, hips rotating gently as he rode Jensen in a slow rhythm. It was maddening, amazing, and Jensen’s heart was going at least twenty times faster than the act itself. He felt breathless, lost, and he couldn’t look away from the expression in Jared’s eyes, that thick look that Jensen didn’t completely understand.
“C’mon Jen. C’mon I know you wanna.” Jared’s voice was almost slurred with pleasure as his cock leaked and bounced against his tight stomach. He gripped one of Jensen’s hands and led it to his cock. “Know you wanna take me apart.”
And he did. He wanted it more than anything. Jensen set a steady pace, and Jared’s hips followed it. When he would stroke faster, Jared would move faster, and when he twisted his wrist at the head of Jared’s cock Jared would rock his hips and squeeze down on Jensen tightly.
Throughout the whole thing Jared never looked away, never gave Jensen space to breathe or think properly, and Jensen was in the middle of thumbing the nerve cluster at the base of Jared’s cock when his orgasm ambushed him.
Helplessly he held onto Jared, muscles locking and mouth open on a cry as he bucked up hard to ride it out. He must have done something right, because in the midst of his world shattering Jared came too. It was probably the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, and Jensen was certain he’d never forget the sound of his name called so desperately, the tight hold Jared had on his shoulders, or way those gorgeous eyes blanked out even as they stayed on Jensen’s face.
When it was over, when the bed underneath them was solid again and Jensen could focus, he finally understood the look on Jared’s face.
Love.
Lying next to Emily that night Jensen didn’t sleep. He just wondered what Jared saw when he looked back.
---
Despite how incredibly self-possessed and responsible their daughter was, it wasn’t uncommon in her teenage years for Jensen to come home to Emily and Marty fighting about something. It was the natural progression, and he managed to remain neutral throughout the majority of the feuds.
That being said, after she hit eighteen Marty’s willfulness typically landed on her mother’s side, and that saw an end to the teary screaming matches he had resigned himself to. Maybe that was why he was unprepared to come home and find his grown daughter standing in the living room, shouting at her mother, with a very uncomfortable and shabbily dressed woman on the couch between them.
“-had no right!” Marty finished, eyes full of angry tears, before she turned to Jensen and launched herself into his arms.
Instinct took over, and Jensen folded his arms around his daughter’s shaking form and caught Emily’s angry stare.
“Do I want to know what’s going on, or should I go back to the office?”
His wife’s lips thinned to a white line, shoe tapping angrily on the wood floor, and then she threw her hands up in surrender.
“I was only trying to be a good mother Jen. I don’t see why I have to be punished for that.”
He’d never questioned where Marty got her flair for the dramatic. On the other hand, making this sort of scene in front of a stranger was totally out of character for his wife.
“Ok, reasonable request. Marta, why is your mom protecting you a bad thing? And will someone introduce me to our guest?”
Marty turned her tear-stained face up to him then and took a deep and wobbly breath. “Daddy that’s Mrs. Padalecki. Mom brought her to interrogate her about Jared.”
“It’s not an interrogation Marta it’s a meeting. I think it’s odd you’ve been dating the boy for so long and we’ve never met his mother. I’m fixing that.” Emily turned a pleading gaze on him. “Talk to her Jensen. Make her see that this is the right thing.”
Jensen studied the two most important people in his life before he looked to the woman on the couch. She was holding her purse in her lap, knuckles white around the canvas material, and she looked desperate to be anywhere else. Jensen wondered if Emily used his name to pressure her into coming.
“Mrs. Padalecki, I’m going to take you home now. This was a big mistake.”
Emily’s cry of disgust and Marty’s victorious sound were ignored as Jensen offered his hand to the woman and then led her back to the side door and the garage. Jensen didn’t waste time finding Mike or alerting Tom, instead he led Mrs. Padalecki to a car and opened the passenger door for her before settling into the driver’s side.
“Ma’am I hope you’ll accept my apology. My wife is a good woman, but she’s a mother and I think you know what a mother will do for their child.”
There was silence for a long time, and it occurred to Jensen he had no idea where the woman lived, before she finally broke the silence.
“It is a big deal that my son is dating your daughter, is it not?”
Jensen peered out the windshield at the highway and was grateful when she gave him brief directions.
“The publicity has been pretty heavy, but Jared’s handling it well. He’s a good kid, kind and thoughtful. I think he’d make a great partner for anybody.” Tone it down Ackles.
“My son is trouble Governor Ackles.”
Traces of her accent lingered over the neutral tone she was obviously shooting for. Her voice was hushed, pitying, and Jensen looked over to see her facial expression matched.
“Trouble for my daughter?” He couldn’t help it; there was something about the intensity of her expression that made Jensen unable to avoid the question.
She nodded, “And for you I think. Jared was a good boy, but his brother – what happened with his brother left him damaged. In the process I fear he spreads that damage around.”
“Why for me? I’m not one of those fathers who can’t handle their daughter dating the wrong man. If it goes badly she’ll just date someone else.”
Alma winced before clutching her purse a little closer like a shield.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way Governor, but I have seen the look you have when talking about my son before. It is the same look that his brother had, the one that ultimately killed him. Jared is…very good at drawing people in, but he doesn’t consider the consequences. I would not wish what happened to my oldest child to happen to you.”
Jensen pulled the car over onto the side of the road and turned to the woman, mouth working for a few minutes before he found his voice.
“Jared’s older brother killed himself over Jared?”
She winced before nodding. “Yes. It was a very difficult time for everyone. It is the reason for the distance between us.”
The rest of the ride was in silence, Jensen and Alma, two people with very little in common, suddenly sharing demons.
----
When Jensen returned home Emily had apparently stormed off, and Marty was waiting for him at the door. His daughter threw her arms around him and cut off his air for a moment before pulling back.
“You’re my hero daddy.”
I fucked your boyfriend, but that’s ok, because apparently it’s his M.O. to destroy lives, and it’ll never happen again.
“Honey go easy on your mom, alright? Just give her the benefit of the doubt that she was acting in what she thought was your best interest. Maybe lay off on bringing Jared around until she’s warmed up to the idea and he’s proven himself. A couple months.”
Marty looked up at him, big and beautiful eyes wide, and then nodded and hugged him one more time before taking off.
----
For the first two days Jared’s text messages were simply questioning. Where was he, was he ok, why wasn’t Jensen responding?
When the first family dinner night came around and Marty showed up alone Jensen sat in the garden that night and hit the ignore button on six calls from Jared. No messages followed it, and he never left a voicemail.
Three weeks without the younger man, and Jensen was fine. The real crunch time for elections had arrived, and Jensen’s days were consumed with working in tandem with the DNC to get the right candidates in the right places.
His first night off was spent on Christian’s back porch, both of them sipping beer and staring up at the stars visible in the wilderness setting his friend preferred.
“That Jared kid hasn’t been around recently. Marty says they’re still quite serious, media keeps taking pictures, but he ain’t spending any time with the Ackles family proper.”
Christian didn’t need to ask the question. They’d known each other long enough the rest of it could go unsaid.
“Emily has decided Jared is a little too perfect. I asked Marty to give her some time off.” He drained his beer and dropped the bottle into the bin before reaching for the next one. “Let’s discuss the fourth district race.”
“No, son, let’s discuss what’s going on between you and that boy. Now, before it becomes something you can’t take back.”
Jensen covered his face and took a deep breath. “It’s already been taken back Chris. Why do you think I made sure Marty wouldn’t bring him around anymore?”
Chris was silent for a moment, fingers drumming restlessly against his knee, and then he smacked Jensen in the back of the head.
“Bullshit. You’ve never avoided anything in your entire life. How far did you let it go before you turned into a giant pussy?”
“I fucked him. It was a mistake and it won’t happen again, because I ended it. Which is different than avoiding.”
“Did you tell him it was over?”
He swallowed. “In a way.”
“Does ‘in a way’ mean you exiled him from the house and left it at that?”
“Maybe.” Jensen lifted the bottle and then aborted halfway through. “It was a terrible fucking thing Chris. I was betraying Emily and Marty, throwing away everything I’ve worked for, and for what? Some kid who – some kid. It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to spend the rest of my life focusing on what matters and making it up to them.”
He watched Chris finish off his own beer out of the corner of his eyes before the man slumped back in his chair and pushed his hair out of his face.
“I’m not gonna say it ain’t a bad thing Jenny, but I’d point out that’s the first damn risk you’ve taken in all the time I’ve known you that didn’t have to do with politics. That says something. Maybe – you considered the possibility that maybe you were willing to do it ‘cause the kid’s worth it?”
Jensen thought of Jared’s story about his brother, the way he’d go blank without warning, and Alma Padalecki’s dark warning.
“He’s not.”
The words tasted like ashes in his mouth.
----
With the elections over Jensen had nothing but victory parties and holiday related public-relations junkets. They’d won more fights than they’d lost, and Emily was delighted with how many chances she got to go out with Jensen without having to eat bad chicken.
The release of tension was good, and for the first time in months Jensen slept more than three hours in one go.
All of that ended the week before Christmas, when Marty showed up with Jared in tow.
She gave her mother a defiant look, and then took her place at the table with Jared sitting beside her. The air was thick enough before Marty tapped her glass and half-stood.
“Jared and I have an announcement. Jared.” Marty caught his eye, pleading evident in every line of her face, and Jensen’s stomach twisted viciously.
Jared stood, big hands steady at his side as he faced Emily instead of Jensen.
“Mrs. Ackles, Governor Ackles, I’d like to ask your permission to take Marty’s hand in marriage.”
Emily gasped, and it took Jensen a second to realize it was because the glass he’d been holding was now in shards in his palm instead of what Jared had just said. Tom was already rushing to his side, uncurling his hand and exclaiming over the damage.
Marty’s eyes began to tear up; hands over her mouth, and Jensen shook his head while staring into Jared’s blank face.
“Sorry honey, Jared, I guess you two just surprised me. You have my blessing.”
With that he stood, and Tom followed him into the kitchen where Mike already had the first aid kit and a half-joking, half-terrified lecture about value of Emily’s crystal.
---
Jared found him in the garden that night, the moon trying to peek out from behind sickly cloud cover.
“You have no right to be mad. No right at all.” Jared sounded…lost. Jensen couldn’t bear to look at him.
“I don’t huh? Tell me you proposed to my daughter because you love her and not out of spite. Tell me you’re not using me and her the way you used your brother and that when it goes bad you won’t just pick up and move on like it was nothing.”
He heard the sharp gasp of breath, and then something that sounded suspiciously like tears in Jared’s usually controlled voice.
“Oh. Oh okay, I get it. I get it now.” Footsteps crunched over the ground before they stopped a few feet away. “I’m sorry you can’t be open and honest, I’m sorry you can’t admit you want something, and I’m really sorry I was the one you figured that out with. I love Marty. Maybe not the way I love you, but I can’t have you. No one can.”
And then Jared was gone. The next morning it was like it never happened. Emily and Marty were already talking plans, and Jensen sat at the table and read the newspaper while Jared smiled and gave his input when asked.
---
Jensen did six swearing-in ceremonies, began to draft the same-sex marriage bill with Chris, and granted one clemency before it broke.
The two months it took for the situation to become overwhelming were the longest two months of his life. Despite the numerous distractions provided by work he was expected to listen to Emily talk for hours about Jared’s suitability, the potential wedding, and Marty’s joy. Couple with that was seeing Jared everywhere. When the news of the engagement broke the media went nuts, and Jared was at the center of it.
Speculation abounded about the whirlwind romance, the possibility of pregnancy, and Jared’s ambitions. He was painted as the commoner chosen by royalty, a social climber, and a manipulative Casanova. His former relationships were dragged into the light, interviewed, and found liars or saints depending on how much or little information they were willing to give.
More than once Jensen saw Alma on the news, ducking away from the cameras and saying “No comment” so much her tongue must have felt numb.
It got to the point that being in the same room as Jared was too much. When Emily announced that she and Marty were going to tour potential venues he let out a sigh of relief and considered a whole day of solitary relaxation.
Maybe it was that expectation, or the fact that he entered the kitchen in just his boxers and glasses while singing “More Than a Feeling”, that made Jared’s presence so shocking. Either way, Jensen came to a stuttering halt in the center of his own kitchen, hands up in warding without his permission, and breath rushing from his lungs.
Jared’s eyes were red, lower lip trembling, and he took a half-step backwards and crashed into the counter.
“Marty said you’d be gone.” He sounded accusing, and Jensen bit back his own response.
“Why are you crying?” Shut up Ackles.
Head shaking, hair flying into his eyes, Jared stumbled past Jensen and almost made it to the door before he caught the younger man’s wrist and pulled him back.
“Why. Are. You. Crying?” It was tight, thick, and Jensen felt that original urge to wrap Jared up and protect him from the world rearing its ugly head again. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were supposed to stay away from each other.
Jared shook his head again and then ducked it low.
“I thought – I was – it doesn’t matter. None of it matters.” Jared jerked on his wrist and then dared a glance up when Jensen still wouldn’t release him. “Let me go Governor Ackles.”
He was crying because of Jensen. He was crying because they were two men in an impossible situation with no easy answer and no right way out. But mostly, as far as Jensen could surmise, Jared was crying because he’d been left in that feeling alone. Jared had exposed himself, made himself vulnerable in the most intimate of ways, and Jensen had taken all of that in and never given anything back. Instead he’d taken the half-told story of Alma’s side of some distant and tragic history and used it to run away from the need and love he was feeling.
It was easier to label Jared an obsession, to reduce him to an object of lust that Jensen could discard with the simple application of the control his father had taught him. Jensen had always hated his father.
This time he reeled Jared in without hesitation, slid his lips gently over Jared’s, and then pulled back just enough to speak against the salty skin.
“I’m sorry. Jay, I’m so sorry.”
They practically crashed their way upstairs, hands tangling in each other’s hair and mouths tasting and nipping at each other’s skin. Jensen still had enough presence of mind to avoid the bedroom he shared with his wife, and they ended up in the big bed Jared had claimed two doors down from Marty’s.
Jared manhandled him at that point, ripping the boxers off and shoving him towards the bed before he attempted the most ridiculous job of stripping while searching for lube the world had ever seen. He was down to one sock and the sleeve of his shirt while he poured the slick liquid all over his fingers. When he went to reach behind him thought Jensen grabbed the bony wrist again and pulled Jared in.
Long and talented fingers shook as Jensen rubbed them against his hole, and Jared’s eyebrows shot up as he asked silently if Jensen was sure. All he could do was nod and spread his legs a bit wider to invite.
Last sleeve divested Jared set to the task with gusto. His fingers were thin but long, and Jensen hissed at the unfamiliar pressure as one breached him while the others stroked maddeningly gentle lines against his perineum. He was prepared for a certain amount of discomfort, but what he wasn’t ready for was Jared’s soft pink lips wrapping around the head of his cock, or that hot mouth sucking him in and setting him on fire.
Jensen set the pace as Jared worked him open, fucking into the artist’s mouth and back down onto his finger. When the second one joined the first Jensen cried out Jared’s name and fumbled for the base of his dick past Jared’s pink lips to squeeze off the approaching orgasm.
It was too much, Jared’s big hands stroking him in just the right places while his mouth practically massaged Jensen’s cock. All the questions he still had, the regrets and guilt, all of it consumed by the absolute joy of being back in the center of Jared’s universe.
Tip-tilted eyes caught his, held on and pinned him in place, as Jared slid the third finger in and crooked it just right to find Jensen’s prostate and rub against it while he flicked his tongue rapidly into the slit at the head of Jensen’s cock. He came, spurted across Jared’s lips and into that hot mouth, and then Jared was practically lifting him up onto his lap.
Jensen moaned once, burn and stretch of Jared’s big cock penetrating the post-orgasm haze, and grabbed Jared’s shoulders and controlled the slow slide of his ass down that big cock. He could feel every inch of it splitting him apart, pushing so deep and far that Jensen was sure he’d have a hard time sitting for weeks, and the whole time Jared was murmuring, “Jensen, fuck yes, please, Jensen.”
He leaned forward, tongue swiping across Jared’s jaw, and then he bit gently at the tender skin under Jared’s ear before he started to rock at the same pace as his rapid breathing. How had he ever hoped to escape this? Jensen had never felt this complete, this alive, and after they finished here he needed to figure out the rest of it. How to make sure it stayed, what to do about the other people he loved and how badly this would hurt them.
The pleasure peaked, Jared’s hips stuttering underneath him and the feeling of come filling his asshole, and then the arms around him became steel bands and Jared was releasing an inarticulate cry into his ear as he shook around Jensen and inside of him.
For a moment the universe was perfect, warm and safe, and Jensen had everything he needed right there with him. Then everything came crashing down around him.
----
The doctor was in his fifth minute of explaining how the Vagus Nerve worked, the slight concussion from Emily’s head bouncing off the polished wood floor, and why none of it was anything too serious.
Jensen had no question that for the rest of his life he would remember looking over Jared’s shoulder and seeing his wife and daughter staring at the two of them tangled in the bed. Since the moment she was born Jensen had been devoted his life to protecting his daughter, caring for her, and he had held her hand through any number of emotional fallout moments. None of them compared to the look of despair and betrayal he saw on her beautiful, young face right then.
Emily had simply fainted to the floor.
Now he was in a hospital room, his daughter as far away from him as she could get, and every moment of training in public speaking and rhetoric useless in the face of what he had done.
“Marty I-“
“No. No, you don’t get to talk to me. You don’t get to talk to me ever again.” Her mouth trembled, but her shoulders stayed a firm line.
They stayed in silence for another hour before Emily came around. She reached for Jensen, and then pulled her hand back at the last second.
“Marta honey, maybe you should leave for a minute. I have to talk to your father.”
His daughter stood and took the hand on her side.
“Mommy no. I’ll stay. After what that bastard-“
Emily shook her head. “Leave honey.”
And Marty left, shooting him the ugliest look she could manage before heading out the door.
Jensen made himself look his wife in the face. She looked older in that moment, frail and white in the stiff hospital bed, and he wanted to gather her up and make her better.
But that didn’t change who he wanted to fall asleep next to that night.
Marriage, Jensen had found, came with its own form of telepathy. Emily’s mouth settled into a line.
“You resign for health reasons. Not infidelity Jensen, do you understand me? Health reasons. I won’t be put on a stage as the woman who got stepped out on. A year from now we get a quiet divorce, and it’s all done. Does that sound equitable?”
“Emily, please, I didn’t-“
Her hand stopped him, and her look was pitying. “Do you love him? Tell me you at least fell in love with him.”
Jensen finally broke eye contact, staring at his hastily thrown on shoes instead of her gentle look.
“Yes. I’m so sorry honey.”
There was a rustling sound, and then the hand he knew so well was holding his.
“I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you Jensen. Marty may never forgive you, and your career is shot. I can’t imagine what your daddy is going to do when he finds out you’re leaving the game. On top of all that I can’t say I’m going to forgive you any time soon. You hurt me, and the fact I know you didn’t want to only makes it worse because I can’t totally despise you. I hate you and I love you in equal measure right now, and I don’t want to see you again until one is stronger than the other.”
Thin fingertips, familiar and cold, tilted his chin up so that he was looking at her. That pity hadn’t left, but behind it was the strong woman he’d fallen in love with.
“You’ve always been a hard man to love Jensen. I don’t know how much was the damage your father did to you, and how much of it was just you not knowing what you needed. Either way, I feel sorry for you. I doubt you know even now, but you’re stuck with what you chose. I just hope that boy stands by you when everyone else leaves. Now get out of here.”
Jensen nodded, stumbling up and through the door. He turned once towards Marty, but she shook her head. “You’re the lowest kind of monster. I don’t care what she told you, because I just hope you crawl off and die. If there’s any justice Jared will do the same thing to you he did to me.”
With that she slipped through her mother’s hospital room, and Jensen was left alone with Mike to slink down the hallway and back to the car.
First part
Next part
Wordcount: 21,587
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OFC, Jared/OFC
Warning(s): Serious angst, infidelity
Beta(s): The ever incredible, earned a buttload of cupcakes, Sammichgirl.
Prompt(s): Written for an anonymous bidder for the AO3 auction. Loosely based off of the movie Damage.
Summary: Jensen Ackles has the perfect life. He's the governor of Texas, happily married, and has an incredible daughter. Everything is fine, until his little girl brings her new boyfriend home.
Governor Ackles and Family Taking Charity to a New Level?
The story breaks the day of the opera. It makes it to the top of the social pages in the major newspapers, three local news stations, and countless internet blogs. The headline is the least offensive section of it. Emily finds it first, and there’s pity written all over her pretty face as she holds it out to Jensen and clicks her tongue.
They dug deep enough to find out about Jared’s mother and her economic status, his major, and the fact that he’s a part-time employee at a small bookstore. The story seems to be that to support his pro-social agenda Marty had chosen a boy from the lower classes to lift up and refine. The news stations try the Cinderella spin, and some of the blogs follow their lead. The social page and the rest of the internet hacks go the other way. They speculate just how much Jared must be pumping out of the family. There’s a great deal of sympathy for Jensen, who has to buy “the mutt” clothes and house him for the sake of his daughter.
Jensen closes his laptop the second Jared comes into the room, Marty holding his hand and laughing at something he said. The look on his and Emily’s face gives away the game, and Marty raises an eyebrow while Jared visibly braces himself.
The kid makes it through the paper article, and Marty reads two blogs while flicking her eyes up to the TV. She’s the one who breaks, and Jensen isn’t surprised. His daughter has always had a big heart.
“Those bastards! This isn’t true. Daddy we have to-“
“But it is.” Jensen tries to avoid whiplash when he turns to Jared’s flat voice. “Your dad had to buy my clothes so I’d be able to go.”
Marta blanches, her lips trembling, and then Jared’s hard expression melts and he pulls Jensen’s daughter in and shushes her.
“I’m sorry Marty. That wasn’t fair. I know you were just trying to include me. It’s not your fault.”
Except it is. It’s all of their faults, and as gracious and strong as Jared is being there’s a slump to his shoulders that wasn’t there before.
Jensen suggests they blow the opera off, but Emily points out that will only fuel the fire. She’s probably right.
----
He wants to reach out and grab Jared’s shoulder. To hold the kid up under the barrage of lights and shouts. The press of the reporters around them is palpable, and Jensen holds up a hand to wave them off as they head down the roped off path to the grand doors of the opera house.
“Governor Ackles is this a new charity program? Jared does this feel like a fairy tale? Mrs. Ackles who are you wearing? Marta did you pick him to make a political point about public assistance programs?”
The questions are rapid fire, and when Marty goes to stop and answer Jared and Jensen both lead her off the carpet and inside. She’s fuming, and Jensen doesn’t miss how tired and stressed out Jared looks.
“How dare they. Dad, can we please make a new law regarding the media’s access to the entrances of public places?”
It’s Jared that answers, voice calm if strained, “Marty I think you answered your own question with the word public. It’s okay darling. I’m not bothered.”
Except he is, Jensen can see it, and for a second he almost reaches out to the younger man. The instinct scares him.
They take their box seats, and as is tradition fifteen minutes before intermission Jensen gets up to use the restroom before the crowd starts. Emily nudges Jared gently and whispers in his ear, and the younger man gets up to join Jensen.
Maybe it’s the lingering look of pain, or just the fucked up wiring that caused that first kiss, but Jensen only manages to wait until after they’ve used the facilities to press Jared into a dark corner and pull him down into a kiss.
Lips just as sweet as he remembered and fingers wrapping tightly into his tux as Jared hauls him closer and eats at his mouth. Jensen can’t help but wonder if this is the way it will always be between them, desperation and need outweighing guilt and fear.
He pulls his mouth back, body still pressed firmly against the younger man, and he can feel the hard length of Jared pressed against his hip. Jensen wonders what would happen – and then he’s not wondering as he’s cupping the head of Jared’s considerable cock through tuxedo trousers and listening to the choked off sounds Jared makes.
“What – what are you doing to me?” It comes out unbidden as Jensen thrusts against Jared’s thigh and moans from the sweet friction. He feels unhinged, out of control, and it’s surprisingly nice to be that way.
“Shut up.” Jared’s head is shaking as he rocks into Jensen’s grip, eyes closed and head tilting back to thump against the wall.
Any second now the chime will sound and people will come streaming out into the hallways. They have to stop this, but the heat building in his belly won’t let him do anything but rut against Jared and seek his orgasm.
He shifts his hand, grip tightening and loosening over the head of Jared’s hard cock as his breath accelerates. The length of Jared’s exposed neck taunts him, but Jensen can’t mark the boy. Can’t leave any evidence of what they’re doing because that would out them so surely they may as well be doing this in public.
Oh. Wait.
Jensen’s right there, right on top of it, and his mouth moves again despite the crinkling of Jared’s forehead and the look of distaste that consumes the pleasure on his features.
“Don’t let them get to you. You’re here because Marty wants you. Nothing they say makes you less than what you are.”
Jared’s mouth goes slack and his body tightens as he comes in his pants. Jensen doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t wait, he grips Jared tight and follows him over the edge.
In the aftermath they stand there, clinging to each other, and then Jared’s voice is broken and pained without Jensen knowing what exactly is paining him. It brings up that thick protectiveness that makes no sense and seems to be planted directly in the lizard part of his brain.
“What am I?”
He steps back and adjusts his tuxedo. Considers slipping back into the bathroom to wipe the rapidly cooling come out of his boxers and try to let the flush on his face die out before Emily can see it.
“I’m not even sure anymore.”
---
Emily’s pinning her hair up as Jensen watches.
He knows those hands. He’s held them more times than he can count, fingers entwining with fingers, and every line and wrinkle is familiar to him. She’s aged so well that sometimes it’s hard to recognize how many years have passed since the first time he saw her smiling in the sunshine and brushing her beautiful blonde hair back.
Jensen is betraying her. Not just on a physical level, but something deeper and more sinful. Emily has given him everything he ever asked of her. She’s been loyal, she’s been supportive, and she carried and bore their beautiful little girl. Sure, they’ve fought once or twice. They don’t see eye to eye on everything, and Emily has a habit of being a spoiled princess, but she’s never been anything less than a wonder to him.
Then there’s Marta. His little girl, his baby, and Jensen has spent her entire life wanting nothing but the best for her. He’s always been willing to give up anything if it meant making sure that she’s protected from pain. In a way it’s facilitated the same habits and beliefs in her that he hates to see in her mother. She knows logically that people suffer, that there’s a class divide, but she’s never experienced it.
How would she feel if she knew that her father was the kind of asshole that would cheat on his wife? Worse that he was doing it with her boyfriend, a man Jensen was fairly certain she loved.
Control. Peter Ackles taught him that life is all about control. When his brother was exiled, when he was only considered worthwhile for his achievements, and when he flirted with the same fate as his brother to espouse liberal beliefs it was always with that control firmly in place.
It was probably the only thing that saved him in his father’s eyes. None of it was personal none of it was passion driven, and Jensen never made a decision that didn’t have the backing of logic and reason. This thing with Jared defied his entire belief system. Went against everything he stood for. He was betraying his family, his code, and his constituents with every encounter.
Yet despite all that he wanted more. He wanted to know what Jared would sound like without the constraints of potential exposure. To see the young man spread out and naked before him, trembling and sweating as Jensen tests out every inch of his flesh and learns every line and nuance.
Emily’s fingers draw him back to the present, to the soft reality of her curvy body and gentle voice.
“Jen? You alright?”
I’m a bastard. I want you and Marty, but I want Jared too. I’m afraid I want one more than the other.
“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine Em I’m just tired.”
----
He manages to avoid being alone with Jared for the next three weeks. It does two very specific things to him. The first is that his need only gets worse as the time passes. With every look and near-miss Jensen wants more than he did before. He knows what those lips taste like, and watching them curl in a smile or slick with Jared’s tongue makes him crazy.
The lust is exacerbated by the second thing. Not seeing Jared as simply an illicit pleasure makes him see him as a person. He gets to learn that Jared has an indomitable spirit, and despite the fact that the press coverage only gets more insulting as time goes on Jared handles it all with grace. Jensen learns that Jared is incredibly sweet and generous. The young man has time for everyone, a smile that bolsters the spirit without effort, and a sense of humor that is both adult and child-like in a completely perfect and paradoxical way.
Every sweet smile, every unabashed belly laugh, and every moment that Jensen spends with Jared and his family makes him yearn for something more. It’s like watching a romance story from the inside. For the first time in Jensen’s life he yearns for something that has no relation to his reputation or success.
It’s unfortunate, but at the one month mark Jensen knows that this is something he’s not going to shake. No matter how hard he tries to disengage from Jared he simply can’t. At first because there’s no way to do it without making Marty and Emily suspicious, but then because of Jared himself.
The transition from the mansion to the beach house is always stressful. Emily oversees most of it, and Jensen tries to stay out of her way. He’s got a lot on his plate right now, and Chris is ratcheting up the same-sex marriage bill fight despite Jensen’s urging against it.
Everything gets put on hold for this though. Once a year everything gets put on hold for family.
----
It’s official, inviting Jared to the beach house is the dumbest idea Jensen has ever had. The kid has the same ridiculously baggy shorts as all the boys his age, and the lack of accentuation to his ass and crotch leaves Jensen staring at the rest of him that much harder.
If it wasn’t for the blackout quality sunglasses he has on Emily would have long figured out that Jensen is watching the play of muscles over their daughter’s boyfriend’s back and stomach as she points out paint swatches for the entranceway to beach house.
The Gulf is usually what takes his attention away from his wife’s constant interior decoration decisions, but the stunning expanse of blue is no competition for the way water sluices down the planes and angles of Jared’s torso.
He has Marty perched on his shoulders as he slams through the waves, laughter drifting over the sand to where Jensen is stretched out, and he’s overwhelmed with the urge to head into the water and taste the sea salt no doubt clinging to the boy’s lips.
“-and tomorrow Marty wants you to take Jared out on the water while we go shopping.”
Jensen jerked and turned to his wife. “Excuse me?”
Emily’s smile was broad and teasing. “I knew you weren’t listening. I said Marty wants you to take Jared out on the boat. Maybe fish a little, but mostly get to know him better while she and I go shopping.”
He carefully nestled his water bottle into the sand before turning to Emily and giving her his full attention.
“Why am I getting to know him better?”
“Because he’s your daughter’s boyfriend and until this thing falls through we have to play nice and keep an eye on the boy.”
“An eye on the boy?” Jensen reached for his water and tried to avoid Emily’s suddenly sharp gaze.
“Well doesn’t he seem a little, I don’t know, too perfect to you? He came out of nowhere, gets along with everybody, and he looks like, well, that.” She gestured helplessly at the water where Jared was now Marty free and practically glittering in the sun.
Jensen swallowed thickly and looked away.
“What’s your point Em?”
“I like him Jen, I really do, but I don’t know if I trust him. Something’s…off about him. Wrong. Don’t you feel it?” She took his hand in hers and leaned in.
Jensen pressed his lips against Emily’s softly before pulling back.
“Yeah. I feel it.”
---
Jared’s hair was blowing back in the wind, smile fixed firmly on his face as Jensen navigated the boat out into deeper water. He dropped anchor at his favorite spot and set up his rod before turning to see Jared struggling with his own.
“Never been fishing before?”
The boy blushed prettily and then nodded. “Mom didn’t have time and Dave-“ His voice broke off and a shadow crossed Jared’s face as he tried to reel in the line he’d dropped.
“Dave? That was your older brother, right?” Jensen tried to sound uninterested and distanced even as he studied Jared carefully. There was pallor under that tan and a strange sort of sadness Jensen didn’t think Jared capable of.
Jared nodded, cleared his throat, and then laid the rod down without casting his line. “Yeah. Dave.”
“That must have been tough, dealing with his suicide. Did he leave a note?” Jensen watched the way Jared’s hands shook before his face became a blank wall.
“Nope. Just kind of snapped one day. Dave was always wound a little too tight.” Jared reached for the beer Jensen had handed him earlier and sipped it before shooting the older man a glance. “Is this really what you want to do while we’re out here all alone?”
And Jensen was almost surprised by the answer that came out before he could stop it.
“Yes.”
Since Emily had suggested this outing Jensen had imagined what they could do alone and isolated in the ocean. Just the two of them rocking on the waves, Jared spread out under the sun with all that tan skin on display for Jensen’s mouth and hands. Suddenly though, all he wanted was to know what would put the boy on defensive, what had that sadness in his eyes. He finally understood the blank look and what it meant, and this new layer to Jared was intriguing. Made him more than the simple and friendly boy that everyone saw.
Jared grunted and then took a deeper swallow of his beer.
“It’s not a nice story Jensen. Not the kind of story you wanna hear.”
For some reason, Jensen took offense to that.
“What kind of story do I want to hear then?”
Jared’s eyes flew up, flashed with something too fast for Jensen to read, and then shuttered. His face went coy, seductive, and he licked salt and beer from his lips before leaning in.
“You wanna hear that I’m not gonna bring shame on your family. That I may be the poor charity case, but I’m likable and simple enough. I can fill the time ‘til Marty finds a more respectable boy at her social level, and then I’ll be a distant memory. That artist boy that once dated Texas royalty. After all, what’s important in life other than your image?”
Jensen dropped his rod on the deck and pushed up, into Jared’s space and crashing into the wood before he could think about it. He claimed the soft pink lips that had been haunting him, licked past the taste of salt air and into Jared’s mouth, and took the hateful words right out. Lips sliding on lips and slick tongues tangling Jensen left behind only Jared’s want and need expressed in moans and sighs.
“You don’t know a thing about me.” He nipped Jared’s lower lip and watched the boy arch up into his hands. “You don’t know my priorities, you don’t know my wants, and you don’t know my opinions.”
Jared’s eyes were still closed when his big hands slid up Jensen’s ribs and settled on his shoulder blades, pulling their bodies tightly together as he ground his erection up into Jensen’s.
“I know you put family first, and that’s why I don’t understand this.” Hazel eyes opened to take him in, and that tongue slid out and along Jensen’s lips. “I don’t get why you’re doing this.”
“You don’t have to.” Jensen hooked his fingers in the drawstring of Jared’s board shorts and pulled the bow, slid his hand underneath the waistband, and made the slow journey over smooth and tight flesh towards what he’d felt would be an incredible prize.
Until Jared’s big hand stopped his progress.
“I do. I do have to. I need to know why I’m betraying the nicest girl I ever met. Why I feel bad about it, but only in the background. I need to know that.” His eyes were serious, huge, and Jensen felt his blood run cold as he considered again all the potential fallout this could bring.
He’d been taught to never give until he was sure to get back.
“You tell me about your brother and I’ll tell you what my reasoning is. Sound good?” His hand was stalled, fingers brushing wiry hair and taut pelvic muscle, and he twitched them once to see lust darken Jared’s serious look.
“Dave was in love with a guy that turned him down. He couldn’t handle the rejection and the guilt, so he killed himself. At least that’s what the note said.” Jared swallowed thickly. “It was a really ugly situation.”
There was more to the story than that, had to be, but Jensen was willing to let it rest there because there were tears in Jared’s big eyes, and he didn’t particularly care for that look.
“I don’t know why I’m doing this. A part of me wants to say because I’m dying to fuck you senseless, taste every inch of you, and just reduce it to that. Simple lust. But I’ve never cheated on my wife, never even considered it, and lust wouldn’t make me do that. Something – something about you makes me crazy. Makes me want to wrap you up in this protective bubble where the only one who can get inside you is me. I feel like you see a part of me no one else does, and that I really want that part seen.”
Jared’s fingers tore at the button on his shorts, popped it off in his urgency before pulling on the zipper and getting his hand in the same position as Jensen’s. Fingertips stroked the head of his cock, and Jensen was rock hard again as if the serious conversation had never happened.
Jensen ignored the rest of it, the leftover mystery and the cloud of potential disaster hanging over his head, and focused on the feel of Jared’s skin, the velvet hardness of his cock, and the thick timbre of his moans. His grip was unsure at first, but the second hesitant stroke drug the sweetest moan out of the boy underneath him, and Jensen made sure to stick to that formula.
The problem became he didn’t want to come jerking each other off. He wanted more than illicit teenage pleasures. It took a considerable amount of willpower to push up and away, scramble at the hem of Jared’s shirt, and then lift it to expose more skin.
Lying there, board shorts and underwear pushed down around his thighs, skin flushed, sunlit, and mouth open exposing his talented tongue, Jared looked the picture of debauchery. Jensen had never wanted any person more than he wanted the man in front of him, and the fact that he could have it made him feel like laughing hysterically.
The next fifteen or twenty minutes were all sensation; the steady breeze whipping against the skin of his back as Jared’s fingers dug and pulled at the muscles there, the slide of Jared’s hot flesh against his lips, the taste of pre-come and skin, the salt-air mixed with the musk of Jared’s groin, and the breathless pleading of the man twisting and jerking underneath him.
When Jared scrambled at his hair, voice cracking around Jensen’s name, he increased his suction and flicked his tongue against the bundle of nerves under the flared head. Jared came, filled Jensen’s mouth, and then pulled him up to share the taste.
For a moment Jared was pliant underneath him, tongue lapping lazily at the come in Jensen’s mouth, and then Jensen was being manhandled backwards. His back slammed painfully into the side of the boat and then Jared’s mouth was wrapped around his cock.
It was just as delicious a picture as he imagined it to be. Pink lips sliding along his shaft, tongue working the vein, and big hands spreading Jensen’s thighs wider before slipping down to collect the saliva at the corners of Jared’s mouth and trail it along Jensen’s balls.
A finger pressed against his perineum, rubbed vigorously, and Jensen spilled all too early into Jared’s mouth as his fingers twisted in that long and soft hair. Hazel eyes met his, mouth still sucking the last of his release rhythmically, and Jensen brushed his thumb against the soft corner of Jared’s lips where they met his own flesh.
“This can’t end well Jared. You know that right? I love my wife.”
Jared released him slowly, mouth trembling for a moment before that blankness came back.
“And I love Marty.”
---
They had three more days on the water during the family vacation, and each one ended in an orgasm followed by crushing need and guilt.
Jensen lay awake at night staring at Emily as she slept innocent and sweet beside him. He knew that face, knew her dreams because she’d been telling them to him for twenty years, but what he didn’t know was how she would react to what was going on right under her nose.
In a way Emily was picking up on something. Her suspicion of Jared only grew as the time went on, and while her smile was still bright and focused in front of him behind closed doors she told Jensen a variety of fears.
That Jared was using Marty for publicity, that he had some hidden scandal, and that he was going to break their little girl’s heart. Jensen couldn’t honestly argue with two of those, but he found counter-arguments anyway.
His daughter was more smitten with every day, and by the time they were scheduled to leave the beach house it seemed that all she could talk about was Jared. Jensen understood all too well.
Jensen secretly loved having Jared there in the giant viewing room, laughing with him at sci-fi movies his wife and daughter had no interest in, joking with Tom and Mike on the golf course, and generally watching the younger man bring joy to everyone around him. Everyone but Emily.
Returning to real life meant separating from Jared, and it was harder than Jensen could have imagined. He saw the younger man at family dinners, but for the most part Jared had his classes and Jensen had his work.
The first text message came in at two in the morning as Jensen was reading over a particularly nasty piece of legislation regarding school vouchers.
I miss the way your eyes crinkle.
Jensen stared at it for a long time, finger hovering over the red x to delete it, before he finally hit respond.
I miss the way you clutch yourself when you laugh.
Fall was crashing in on them, election season rearing its ugly head as politicians struggled to follow their original campaign promises and assure themselves continued positions in government. Jensen was endorsing like a mad man, running from one rubber chicken dinner to another, and he honestly couldn’t remember a single season that had been this exhausting.
The highlight of his day became the late night messages from Jared, stolen pieces of commentary on art he was making or things he liked.
Jensen learned that Jared spent ten hours of every week at a shelter, never visited his mother, and hated going to his own gallery shows. He liked to watch people’s reactions to his work, but he hated discussing the work with them.
For every piece of information that Jared gave him Jensen was required to give something back. He told Jared about how little he felt he was actually able to do for his constituents, how sometimes he longed to move somewhere that wouldn’t have a single camera, and how sometimes he resented the amount of publicity that Emily insisted they have.
It wasn’t that he didn’t agree with her, it was necessary for the governor to put on a good face for the voters, but that didn’t change how tired he was of dancing in front of cameras and putting on a suit to smile at people who wanted to tank his agendas.
Despite the connection between them Jensen felt further from Jared then he did when their only interaction was playing basketball before dinner or watching a movie with Emily and Marty. Despite the guilt that came with it there was a sensation when they were in the room, like the two women that were the most important thing in his life had disappeared, and all that was left was himself and Jared.
And that’s how he ended up checking into a suite at the Driskill on a Wednesday night when he was supposed to be in his office arguing campaign strategies with Tom.
----
Hyatt may have gutted the interior of the Driskill to make it modern, but the stone edifice still looked properly antique and imposing. It was, by Jensen’s admittedly outdated standards, the prettiest hotel in Austin. It was also the most discreet, and the easiest to slip in and out of.
Jensen took his keycard at the desk, left the second one with the clerk, and headed up to the suite. The view of Austin’s downtown was as breath-taking as ever, and Jensen was standing at the floor to ceiling windows when the door opened behind him. He held his breath, hands in his pockets and body taut trying to look casual.
There was the clink of keys, something else rattling along the wood of the coffee table, and then strong arms slid around Jensen’s waist. Lips pressed against his neck, and Jensen watched the reflection of Jared in the window, overwhelmed by the city skyline.
Speckled with lights Jared’s reflected shape was hypnotizing, and Jensen reached up and tangled his fingers into Jared’s hair as he tilted his head to the side.
They were a stereotype, a water-cooler joke, the aging politician and his young lover. Despite knowing that, being able to chart its potential fallout and weigh the costs versus the pay-off, Jensen couldn’t make himself care.
He turned to Jared, arms sliding up to grip Jared’s neck. “Now what?”
That darkness he was getting used to flashed through Jared’s expressive eyes, and then it was nothing but affection and concern.
“You look terrible.” Fingers slid through his hair before Jared cupped his face. “Are you sleeping?”
Despite himself Jensen felt the grimace form. “As much as I can. I have responsibilities Jared.”
If Jared took exception to his tone he didn’t say it. “Strip.”
It was more forward than he’d expected, but Jensen was down for anything that meant getting Jared naked and underneath him. Reducing this to its proper level of seediness and weeding out the emotional intimacy it had temporarily gained.
Jared simply watched as Jensen stripped off the layers of his public identity. When he looked up from pulling off his socks and balling them up together Jared was still dressed and studying him thoughtfully.
“You gonna get naked, or are you planning on sketching me like one of your French ladies?”
The joke fell flat under Jared’s gaze, and finally Jensen crossed the space between them and pulled on Jared’s shirt until the man got the hint and lifted his arms to be stripped. It evened the playing field a little, or so Jensen thought, but then Jared grabbed him by the hips and practically threw him onto the plush king-sized bed.
He watched as Jared finished stripping, as the younger man poured lube over his own fingers, and then Jared knelt on the end of the bed and began to finger himself open holding Jensen’s gaze the whole time.
Jensen itched and burned to touch Jared, to crawl across the mattress and lick, bite, and taste him while he felt those long and talented fingers work the tight hole open. Instead he stayed frozen to the spot, achingly hard and hopelessly needy for what was right in front of him.
Jared tossed him the lube bottle. “Get yourself ready for me.” The usually sweet and happy voice was thick and low and Jensen couldn’t help but comply.
His right hand gripped the base of his cock tightly, staving off orgasm, and the left slicked himself up and then stroked lazily as he watched Jared’s head tilt back and his eyes close in pleasure.
Then the younger man was on him, batting his hands away and positioning himself over the head of Jensen’s cock. Their eyes stayed locked together, Jared licking his pink lips once and tilting his head thoughtfully again, and then slowly, so slowly, the tight heat of Jared’s ass slid down onto Jensen’s cock.
Not wearing a condom was swiftly followed by holyshityesgod, and Jensen managed to move enough to grab Jared’s hips and guide his pace a bit.
Fingers stroked his face, slid through his hair, and circled his nipples as Jared slid up and down, hips rotating gently as he rode Jensen in a slow rhythm. It was maddening, amazing, and Jensen’s heart was going at least twenty times faster than the act itself. He felt breathless, lost, and he couldn’t look away from the expression in Jared’s eyes, that thick look that Jensen didn’t completely understand.
“C’mon Jen. C’mon I know you wanna.” Jared’s voice was almost slurred with pleasure as his cock leaked and bounced against his tight stomach. He gripped one of Jensen’s hands and led it to his cock. “Know you wanna take me apart.”
And he did. He wanted it more than anything. Jensen set a steady pace, and Jared’s hips followed it. When he would stroke faster, Jared would move faster, and when he twisted his wrist at the head of Jared’s cock Jared would rock his hips and squeeze down on Jensen tightly.
Throughout the whole thing Jared never looked away, never gave Jensen space to breathe or think properly, and Jensen was in the middle of thumbing the nerve cluster at the base of Jared’s cock when his orgasm ambushed him.
Helplessly he held onto Jared, muscles locking and mouth open on a cry as he bucked up hard to ride it out. He must have done something right, because in the midst of his world shattering Jared came too. It was probably the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, and Jensen was certain he’d never forget the sound of his name called so desperately, the tight hold Jared had on his shoulders, or way those gorgeous eyes blanked out even as they stayed on Jensen’s face.
When it was over, when the bed underneath them was solid again and Jensen could focus, he finally understood the look on Jared’s face.
Love.
Lying next to Emily that night Jensen didn’t sleep. He just wondered what Jared saw when he looked back.
---
Despite how incredibly self-possessed and responsible their daughter was, it wasn’t uncommon in her teenage years for Jensen to come home to Emily and Marty fighting about something. It was the natural progression, and he managed to remain neutral throughout the majority of the feuds.
That being said, after she hit eighteen Marty’s willfulness typically landed on her mother’s side, and that saw an end to the teary screaming matches he had resigned himself to. Maybe that was why he was unprepared to come home and find his grown daughter standing in the living room, shouting at her mother, with a very uncomfortable and shabbily dressed woman on the couch between them.
“-had no right!” Marty finished, eyes full of angry tears, before she turned to Jensen and launched herself into his arms.
Instinct took over, and Jensen folded his arms around his daughter’s shaking form and caught Emily’s angry stare.
“Do I want to know what’s going on, or should I go back to the office?”
His wife’s lips thinned to a white line, shoe tapping angrily on the wood floor, and then she threw her hands up in surrender.
“I was only trying to be a good mother Jen. I don’t see why I have to be punished for that.”
He’d never questioned where Marty got her flair for the dramatic. On the other hand, making this sort of scene in front of a stranger was totally out of character for his wife.
“Ok, reasonable request. Marta, why is your mom protecting you a bad thing? And will someone introduce me to our guest?”
Marty turned her tear-stained face up to him then and took a deep and wobbly breath. “Daddy that’s Mrs. Padalecki. Mom brought her to interrogate her about Jared.”
“It’s not an interrogation Marta it’s a meeting. I think it’s odd you’ve been dating the boy for so long and we’ve never met his mother. I’m fixing that.” Emily turned a pleading gaze on him. “Talk to her Jensen. Make her see that this is the right thing.”
Jensen studied the two most important people in his life before he looked to the woman on the couch. She was holding her purse in her lap, knuckles white around the canvas material, and she looked desperate to be anywhere else. Jensen wondered if Emily used his name to pressure her into coming.
“Mrs. Padalecki, I’m going to take you home now. This was a big mistake.”
Emily’s cry of disgust and Marty’s victorious sound were ignored as Jensen offered his hand to the woman and then led her back to the side door and the garage. Jensen didn’t waste time finding Mike or alerting Tom, instead he led Mrs. Padalecki to a car and opened the passenger door for her before settling into the driver’s side.
“Ma’am I hope you’ll accept my apology. My wife is a good woman, but she’s a mother and I think you know what a mother will do for their child.”
There was silence for a long time, and it occurred to Jensen he had no idea where the woman lived, before she finally broke the silence.
“It is a big deal that my son is dating your daughter, is it not?”
Jensen peered out the windshield at the highway and was grateful when she gave him brief directions.
“The publicity has been pretty heavy, but Jared’s handling it well. He’s a good kid, kind and thoughtful. I think he’d make a great partner for anybody.” Tone it down Ackles.
“My son is trouble Governor Ackles.”
Traces of her accent lingered over the neutral tone she was obviously shooting for. Her voice was hushed, pitying, and Jensen looked over to see her facial expression matched.
“Trouble for my daughter?” He couldn’t help it; there was something about the intensity of her expression that made Jensen unable to avoid the question.
She nodded, “And for you I think. Jared was a good boy, but his brother – what happened with his brother left him damaged. In the process I fear he spreads that damage around.”
“Why for me? I’m not one of those fathers who can’t handle their daughter dating the wrong man. If it goes badly she’ll just date someone else.”
Alma winced before clutching her purse a little closer like a shield.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way Governor, but I have seen the look you have when talking about my son before. It is the same look that his brother had, the one that ultimately killed him. Jared is…very good at drawing people in, but he doesn’t consider the consequences. I would not wish what happened to my oldest child to happen to you.”
Jensen pulled the car over onto the side of the road and turned to the woman, mouth working for a few minutes before he found his voice.
“Jared’s older brother killed himself over Jared?”
She winced before nodding. “Yes. It was a very difficult time for everyone. It is the reason for the distance between us.”
The rest of the ride was in silence, Jensen and Alma, two people with very little in common, suddenly sharing demons.
----
When Jensen returned home Emily had apparently stormed off, and Marty was waiting for him at the door. His daughter threw her arms around him and cut off his air for a moment before pulling back.
“You’re my hero daddy.”
I fucked your boyfriend, but that’s ok, because apparently it’s his M.O. to destroy lives, and it’ll never happen again.
“Honey go easy on your mom, alright? Just give her the benefit of the doubt that she was acting in what she thought was your best interest. Maybe lay off on bringing Jared around until she’s warmed up to the idea and he’s proven himself. A couple months.”
Marty looked up at him, big and beautiful eyes wide, and then nodded and hugged him one more time before taking off.
----
For the first two days Jared’s text messages were simply questioning. Where was he, was he ok, why wasn’t Jensen responding?
When the first family dinner night came around and Marty showed up alone Jensen sat in the garden that night and hit the ignore button on six calls from Jared. No messages followed it, and he never left a voicemail.
Three weeks without the younger man, and Jensen was fine. The real crunch time for elections had arrived, and Jensen’s days were consumed with working in tandem with the DNC to get the right candidates in the right places.
His first night off was spent on Christian’s back porch, both of them sipping beer and staring up at the stars visible in the wilderness setting his friend preferred.
“That Jared kid hasn’t been around recently. Marty says they’re still quite serious, media keeps taking pictures, but he ain’t spending any time with the Ackles family proper.”
Christian didn’t need to ask the question. They’d known each other long enough the rest of it could go unsaid.
“Emily has decided Jared is a little too perfect. I asked Marty to give her some time off.” He drained his beer and dropped the bottle into the bin before reaching for the next one. “Let’s discuss the fourth district race.”
“No, son, let’s discuss what’s going on between you and that boy. Now, before it becomes something you can’t take back.”
Jensen covered his face and took a deep breath. “It’s already been taken back Chris. Why do you think I made sure Marty wouldn’t bring him around anymore?”
Chris was silent for a moment, fingers drumming restlessly against his knee, and then he smacked Jensen in the back of the head.
“Bullshit. You’ve never avoided anything in your entire life. How far did you let it go before you turned into a giant pussy?”
“I fucked him. It was a mistake and it won’t happen again, because I ended it. Which is different than avoiding.”
“Did you tell him it was over?”
He swallowed. “In a way.”
“Does ‘in a way’ mean you exiled him from the house and left it at that?”
“Maybe.” Jensen lifted the bottle and then aborted halfway through. “It was a terrible fucking thing Chris. I was betraying Emily and Marty, throwing away everything I’ve worked for, and for what? Some kid who – some kid. It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to spend the rest of my life focusing on what matters and making it up to them.”
He watched Chris finish off his own beer out of the corner of his eyes before the man slumped back in his chair and pushed his hair out of his face.
“I’m not gonna say it ain’t a bad thing Jenny, but I’d point out that’s the first damn risk you’ve taken in all the time I’ve known you that didn’t have to do with politics. That says something. Maybe – you considered the possibility that maybe you were willing to do it ‘cause the kid’s worth it?”
Jensen thought of Jared’s story about his brother, the way he’d go blank without warning, and Alma Padalecki’s dark warning.
“He’s not.”
The words tasted like ashes in his mouth.
----
With the elections over Jensen had nothing but victory parties and holiday related public-relations junkets. They’d won more fights than they’d lost, and Emily was delighted with how many chances she got to go out with Jensen without having to eat bad chicken.
The release of tension was good, and for the first time in months Jensen slept more than three hours in one go.
All of that ended the week before Christmas, when Marty showed up with Jared in tow.
She gave her mother a defiant look, and then took her place at the table with Jared sitting beside her. The air was thick enough before Marty tapped her glass and half-stood.
“Jared and I have an announcement. Jared.” Marty caught his eye, pleading evident in every line of her face, and Jensen’s stomach twisted viciously.
Jared stood, big hands steady at his side as he faced Emily instead of Jensen.
“Mrs. Ackles, Governor Ackles, I’d like to ask your permission to take Marty’s hand in marriage.”
Emily gasped, and it took Jensen a second to realize it was because the glass he’d been holding was now in shards in his palm instead of what Jared had just said. Tom was already rushing to his side, uncurling his hand and exclaiming over the damage.
Marty’s eyes began to tear up; hands over her mouth, and Jensen shook his head while staring into Jared’s blank face.
“Sorry honey, Jared, I guess you two just surprised me. You have my blessing.”
With that he stood, and Tom followed him into the kitchen where Mike already had the first aid kit and a half-joking, half-terrified lecture about value of Emily’s crystal.
---
Jared found him in the garden that night, the moon trying to peek out from behind sickly cloud cover.
“You have no right to be mad. No right at all.” Jared sounded…lost. Jensen couldn’t bear to look at him.
“I don’t huh? Tell me you proposed to my daughter because you love her and not out of spite. Tell me you’re not using me and her the way you used your brother and that when it goes bad you won’t just pick up and move on like it was nothing.”
He heard the sharp gasp of breath, and then something that sounded suspiciously like tears in Jared’s usually controlled voice.
“Oh. Oh okay, I get it. I get it now.” Footsteps crunched over the ground before they stopped a few feet away. “I’m sorry you can’t be open and honest, I’m sorry you can’t admit you want something, and I’m really sorry I was the one you figured that out with. I love Marty. Maybe not the way I love you, but I can’t have you. No one can.”
And then Jared was gone. The next morning it was like it never happened. Emily and Marty were already talking plans, and Jensen sat at the table and read the newspaper while Jared smiled and gave his input when asked.
---
Jensen did six swearing-in ceremonies, began to draft the same-sex marriage bill with Chris, and granted one clemency before it broke.
The two months it took for the situation to become overwhelming were the longest two months of his life. Despite the numerous distractions provided by work he was expected to listen to Emily talk for hours about Jared’s suitability, the potential wedding, and Marty’s joy. Couple with that was seeing Jared everywhere. When the news of the engagement broke the media went nuts, and Jared was at the center of it.
Speculation abounded about the whirlwind romance, the possibility of pregnancy, and Jared’s ambitions. He was painted as the commoner chosen by royalty, a social climber, and a manipulative Casanova. His former relationships were dragged into the light, interviewed, and found liars or saints depending on how much or little information they were willing to give.
More than once Jensen saw Alma on the news, ducking away from the cameras and saying “No comment” so much her tongue must have felt numb.
It got to the point that being in the same room as Jared was too much. When Emily announced that she and Marty were going to tour potential venues he let out a sigh of relief and considered a whole day of solitary relaxation.
Maybe it was that expectation, or the fact that he entered the kitchen in just his boxers and glasses while singing “More Than a Feeling”, that made Jared’s presence so shocking. Either way, Jensen came to a stuttering halt in the center of his own kitchen, hands up in warding without his permission, and breath rushing from his lungs.
Jared’s eyes were red, lower lip trembling, and he took a half-step backwards and crashed into the counter.
“Marty said you’d be gone.” He sounded accusing, and Jensen bit back his own response.
“Why are you crying?” Shut up Ackles.
Head shaking, hair flying into his eyes, Jared stumbled past Jensen and almost made it to the door before he caught the younger man’s wrist and pulled him back.
“Why. Are. You. Crying?” It was tight, thick, and Jensen felt that original urge to wrap Jared up and protect him from the world rearing its ugly head again. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were supposed to stay away from each other.
Jared shook his head again and then ducked it low.
“I thought – I was – it doesn’t matter. None of it matters.” Jared jerked on his wrist and then dared a glance up when Jensen still wouldn’t release him. “Let me go Governor Ackles.”
He was crying because of Jensen. He was crying because they were two men in an impossible situation with no easy answer and no right way out. But mostly, as far as Jensen could surmise, Jared was crying because he’d been left in that feeling alone. Jared had exposed himself, made himself vulnerable in the most intimate of ways, and Jensen had taken all of that in and never given anything back. Instead he’d taken the half-told story of Alma’s side of some distant and tragic history and used it to run away from the need and love he was feeling.
It was easier to label Jared an obsession, to reduce him to an object of lust that Jensen could discard with the simple application of the control his father had taught him. Jensen had always hated his father.
This time he reeled Jared in without hesitation, slid his lips gently over Jared’s, and then pulled back just enough to speak against the salty skin.
“I’m sorry. Jay, I’m so sorry.”
They practically crashed their way upstairs, hands tangling in each other’s hair and mouths tasting and nipping at each other’s skin. Jensen still had enough presence of mind to avoid the bedroom he shared with his wife, and they ended up in the big bed Jared had claimed two doors down from Marty’s.
Jared manhandled him at that point, ripping the boxers off and shoving him towards the bed before he attempted the most ridiculous job of stripping while searching for lube the world had ever seen. He was down to one sock and the sleeve of his shirt while he poured the slick liquid all over his fingers. When he went to reach behind him thought Jensen grabbed the bony wrist again and pulled Jared in.
Long and talented fingers shook as Jensen rubbed them against his hole, and Jared’s eyebrows shot up as he asked silently if Jensen was sure. All he could do was nod and spread his legs a bit wider to invite.
Last sleeve divested Jared set to the task with gusto. His fingers were thin but long, and Jensen hissed at the unfamiliar pressure as one breached him while the others stroked maddeningly gentle lines against his perineum. He was prepared for a certain amount of discomfort, but what he wasn’t ready for was Jared’s soft pink lips wrapping around the head of his cock, or that hot mouth sucking him in and setting him on fire.
Jensen set the pace as Jared worked him open, fucking into the artist’s mouth and back down onto his finger. When the second one joined the first Jensen cried out Jared’s name and fumbled for the base of his dick past Jared’s pink lips to squeeze off the approaching orgasm.
It was too much, Jared’s big hands stroking him in just the right places while his mouth practically massaged Jensen’s cock. All the questions he still had, the regrets and guilt, all of it consumed by the absolute joy of being back in the center of Jared’s universe.
Tip-tilted eyes caught his, held on and pinned him in place, as Jared slid the third finger in and crooked it just right to find Jensen’s prostate and rub against it while he flicked his tongue rapidly into the slit at the head of Jensen’s cock. He came, spurted across Jared’s lips and into that hot mouth, and then Jared was practically lifting him up onto his lap.
Jensen moaned once, burn and stretch of Jared’s big cock penetrating the post-orgasm haze, and grabbed Jared’s shoulders and controlled the slow slide of his ass down that big cock. He could feel every inch of it splitting him apart, pushing so deep and far that Jensen was sure he’d have a hard time sitting for weeks, and the whole time Jared was murmuring, “Jensen, fuck yes, please, Jensen.”
He leaned forward, tongue swiping across Jared’s jaw, and then he bit gently at the tender skin under Jared’s ear before he started to rock at the same pace as his rapid breathing. How had he ever hoped to escape this? Jensen had never felt this complete, this alive, and after they finished here he needed to figure out the rest of it. How to make sure it stayed, what to do about the other people he loved and how badly this would hurt them.
The pleasure peaked, Jared’s hips stuttering underneath him and the feeling of come filling his asshole, and then the arms around him became steel bands and Jared was releasing an inarticulate cry into his ear as he shook around Jensen and inside of him.
For a moment the universe was perfect, warm and safe, and Jensen had everything he needed right there with him. Then everything came crashing down around him.
----
The doctor was in his fifth minute of explaining how the Vagus Nerve worked, the slight concussion from Emily’s head bouncing off the polished wood floor, and why none of it was anything too serious.
Jensen had no question that for the rest of his life he would remember looking over Jared’s shoulder and seeing his wife and daughter staring at the two of them tangled in the bed. Since the moment she was born Jensen had been devoted his life to protecting his daughter, caring for her, and he had held her hand through any number of emotional fallout moments. None of them compared to the look of despair and betrayal he saw on her beautiful, young face right then.
Emily had simply fainted to the floor.
Now he was in a hospital room, his daughter as far away from him as she could get, and every moment of training in public speaking and rhetoric useless in the face of what he had done.
“Marty I-“
“No. No, you don’t get to talk to me. You don’t get to talk to me ever again.” Her mouth trembled, but her shoulders stayed a firm line.
They stayed in silence for another hour before Emily came around. She reached for Jensen, and then pulled her hand back at the last second.
“Marta honey, maybe you should leave for a minute. I have to talk to your father.”
His daughter stood and took the hand on her side.
“Mommy no. I’ll stay. After what that bastard-“
Emily shook her head. “Leave honey.”
And Marty left, shooting him the ugliest look she could manage before heading out the door.
Jensen made himself look his wife in the face. She looked older in that moment, frail and white in the stiff hospital bed, and he wanted to gather her up and make her better.
But that didn’t change who he wanted to fall asleep next to that night.
Marriage, Jensen had found, came with its own form of telepathy. Emily’s mouth settled into a line.
“You resign for health reasons. Not infidelity Jensen, do you understand me? Health reasons. I won’t be put on a stage as the woman who got stepped out on. A year from now we get a quiet divorce, and it’s all done. Does that sound equitable?”
“Emily, please, I didn’t-“
Her hand stopped him, and her look was pitying. “Do you love him? Tell me you at least fell in love with him.”
Jensen finally broke eye contact, staring at his hastily thrown on shoes instead of her gentle look.
“Yes. I’m so sorry honey.”
There was a rustling sound, and then the hand he knew so well was holding his.
“I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you Jensen. Marty may never forgive you, and your career is shot. I can’t imagine what your daddy is going to do when he finds out you’re leaving the game. On top of all that I can’t say I’m going to forgive you any time soon. You hurt me, and the fact I know you didn’t want to only makes it worse because I can’t totally despise you. I hate you and I love you in equal measure right now, and I don’t want to see you again until one is stronger than the other.”
Thin fingertips, familiar and cold, tilted his chin up so that he was looking at her. That pity hadn’t left, but behind it was the strong woman he’d fallen in love with.
“You’ve always been a hard man to love Jensen. I don’t know how much was the damage your father did to you, and how much of it was just you not knowing what you needed. Either way, I feel sorry for you. I doubt you know even now, but you’re stuck with what you chose. I just hope that boy stands by you when everyone else leaves. Now get out of here.”
Jensen nodded, stumbling up and through the door. He turned once towards Marty, but she shook her head. “You’re the lowest kind of monster. I don’t care what she told you, because I just hope you crawl off and die. If there’s any justice Jared will do the same thing to you he did to me.”
With that she slipped through her mother’s hospital room, and Jensen was left alone with Mike to slink down the hallway and back to the car.
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