I Could Fill Your Cup (2/2)
Mar. 19th, 2013 01:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dime_lioraTitle: I Could Fill Your Cup
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel
Type: Romantic
Rating: NC-17
Medium: Fic
Word Count: Total 11,081
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any related character. I do own a fedora. It is quite snazzy.
Summary: Quiet, skittish, introverted Sam Winchester meets an unstoppable force in Dr. Gabriel Novack, but can the older man draw him out of his shell?
Warnings: Recollections of past abuse.
Link: "I Could Fill Your Cup" (2/2)
Notes: This is to fill the Sam/Gabriel bingo square for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
spnpairingbingo
On Friday, at three AM, Sam looked up from his laptop to see Gabriel standing there with a big bright smile on his face. His eyes spoke of concern though, and Sam bit down on the hope that brought up and simply raised an eyebrow. He could do this. Dean had gone through so much worse for them, so Sam could do this. “Hi. I’m Sam. How can I help you?”
The smile faltered, and Gabriel leaned over the counter and into his personal space. Sam leaned back. “Kiddo. Look I’m sorry about-“
“It’s ok.” Sam looked back down and started typing blindly. “I wasn’t-I didn’t wait long. Figured you had better- something more important to do.”
“Sam that isn’t it. I just-“
Like a delayed gift from God the door crashed open and a drunken frat boy slammed into the counter beside Gabriel. “Dude! You gotta help me! My laptop got wet.” The beer stinking HP landed on the counter, and Sam turned his eyes to it and then reached slowly and carefully. He was half-afraid he’d go the wrong direction and touch Gabriel.
“Holy shit! Dr. G! What are you doing here?”
When Sam looked up it took him a full minute to figure out the guy was talking to Gabriel. Another to understand what that meant. Dr. As in a professor. How many times had he complained about professors to this man? How many times had he endangered his job telling him personal information about the work he did? Naming names. Shit, shit, shit. He saw Gabriel get his panic and the amber eyes went soft and gentle.
“Tom I think this is beyond the help desk. Maybe you should go back to your dorm.”
“N-no this is-I can try to dry it out. Good night Dr-“ He didn’t know Gabe’s last name. He didn’t know anything.
The laptop ended up in his hands, and he tried not to scuttle as he rushed into the back room where they kept the hairdryer.
---
Sam had three weeks of vacation stored up. He claimed a family emergency and started it the next day. It was the coward’s way out, and he knew it, but he took it anyway. He spent the time working on his game, cleaning and re-cleaning the apartment, and doing anything that meant not leaving.
On the third night of his self-imposed isolation Dean came home with two cases of beer and a glint in his eyes. He plopped the cases onto the coffee table, went back out to collect bags of Chinese food, and then led Sam to the couch and sat him down.
They watched action movies, beer disappearing rapidly and Chinese food quickly demolished. Halfway through Equilibrium Dean looked over.
“Want me to kick his ass?”
Sam thought of the day Dean had come home to find him curled into the corner of their room, covered in blood and shaking. Thought of Dean standing over him with his arm dripping in the stuff and a look on his face that spoke of death and damnation.
“No. I read it wrong. He just wanted someone to talk to.”
Dean nodded once thoughtfully, and then a pained expression took over his face.
“Sam look-Jesus dude I’m not good at this but, if he-“ Dean waved a hand and then leaned back into the couch and drained his beer. “You’re better than that. You’re like-you’re the best person I’ve ever known. If he didn’t see that then he’s one dumb son of a bitch.”
“Yeah. But it’s good. It’s good because now I know. I can get out there.” But it was hollow and they both knew it. Dean’s hand rested on his shoulder for a moment before he reached for another beer.
---
He was halfway through cleaning the grout in the tub when he heard the knocking. Sam washed his hands and headed for the door. The only person who ever knocked was their neighbor, and she often needed Sam to lift something for her. It didn’t occur to him that he was shirtless until he opened the door and found himself face to face with Gabriel.
There was silence, thick and uncomfortable, and Sam fought against his ingrained manners to not shut the door in the man’s face and go for a shirt.
Instead he stood there awkwardly, white-knuckle gripping the door and hoping he wasn’t shaking visibly.
“I sweet talked the girl in HR into giving me your address. I need to talk to you.”
Gone was the easy smile, the twinkle, and in its place was a seriousness that looked foreign to Gabriel’s facial structure. Amber eyes scanned him, widened at the sight of his ribs, and then lifted back up.
“I-let me-I need a shirt so-“ He slammed his mouth shut and turned, walking away before any more damage could be done. It didn’t take long to find one, but he couldn’t imagine how much time it was going to take to psych himself up for going back into the living room.
Which was probably why Sam jumped a foot when the sound of a throat clearing broke him out of his reverie. He spun around and looked at Gabriel, wide-eyed and shaking. The older man took a half-step forward and held his hands out in a soothing manner.
“It’s ok Sam. I’m not gonna hurt you. I don’t know who did, but it won’t be me. I just want to explain myself.”
“Then explain.” It sounded desolate instead of firm, and Sam cursed himself soundly.
“Ok, first, that day I didn’t come? I was at the hospital with my little brother. I wanted to call you, but it seemed to have slipped both our minds to trade phone numbers.” The wry smile was a pale shadow of the one Sam had gotten used to. “So it had nothing to do with me not wanting to see you kiddo. I wanted to see you so bad, I swear, but he has this health condition and he can’t drive. I’ve been missing you every day since then.”
“Ok.” Sam nodded and cast his eyes upwards to avoid tearing up. He didn’t want to look like any more of an idiot than he already did. “Sorry I over-reacted.”
A hand landed on his elbow, and Sam looked down into concerned warmth. “I don’t mind, but can I finally ask why?”
“I thought-I didn’t-“ Sam cast around for a way to say this that wouldn’t leave him so exposed and vulnerable. When he didn’t find one he just forged ahead. “I didn’t realize you were in a relationship. I thought you-it was stupid. I was stupid. I’m sorry.”
Gabe’s head tilted and his hand started stroking Sam’s elbow, calluses catching on the smooth skin of his arm and sending tingles that he didn’t even begin to analyze.
“I’m not in a relationship Sammy. Not yet anyway.”
“But you-I saw you. In the grocery store.”
The eyes went quizzical, then wide, and then they lit up. Gabriel started to laugh, and Sam tried to put it all together even as the lips he’d studied countless mornings started forming the explanation. “That’s my brother. Sour-face and messy black hair? Castiel. My brother. I’m not dating anybody Sam.”
He could feel the heat filling his cheeks, face twisting in the agony of his own embarrassment. “Oh. Oh shit sorry. Sorry.”
A rough hand took his chin and turned his face so that their eyes were locked. “I want to show you something. Will you come with me?”
---
He ended up in the passenger side of Gabriel’s Volvo. The older man kept up a steady stream of chatter, but Sam couldn’t follow any of it. Instead he watched as the roads changed from busy city streets to smaller and intimate ones lined with Victorian houses. Gabriel pulled into the driveway of a green two-story and led Sam out of the car and around into the backyard.
There was a large storage shed there, and when the doors opened Sam saw it had been converted into a workspace. In the center of the space was a sheet-covered shape that Sam’s eyes immediately locked onto. Gabriel noticed, and there was a soft laugh before he walked across the room and lifted a chisel and a hammer. His hand gripped the sheet and he waited until Sam looked up and met his eyes.
“Remember the first morning we ate together? I told you about that dream, and the smell I couldn’t forget?”
Sam nodded, eyes riveted and unable to move.
Gabriel’s arm moved, and the sound of the sheet slithering across stone jerked Sam’s eyes over to the revealed shape. It was him. Actual size, standing with his hands on his hips and his head thrown back in laughter. Dimples punctuated his smile, his eyes were half-closed, hair looking bed-mussed, and shirtless. It was him.
“I smelled it. That very first time when I stepped up to the counter. Earthy and masculine. It was like waking up in the country after a rainstorm, and I wanted to bury my face in your neck and never leave. Just soak that smell in and get it all stored away. If you hadn’t looked so skittish I would have done it to.”
Gabriel stepped forward, eyed the statue speculatively, and then lifted the chisel and started to delicately tap away. While Sam watched he transformed the smooth lines of the ribs, carefully and lovingly added Sam’s scar. He started beneath the right nipple, and then slid the line down and around until he was working on the statue’s back where Sam could no longer see him for the mass of stone.
“I wanted to grab you up and carry you back here. Snuggle down with you and hold you until that haunted look left your face. Big old thing that you are.” Gabe huffed a laugh and then stepped back around the statue and looked at Sam, hammer dangling from one hand and chisel from the other. “I don’t know who hurt you, and I don’t know why. I’d like to, if you’d like to tell me. I’d like to be the one that helps you feel better. But I might have screwed that up by waiting so long, or by not pushing to explain myself. I never wanted to be someone you were afraid of. I told you I was lonely. I haven’t been lonely since I met you. At least not until the last few days.”
Sam’s legs gave out, and he found himself on the floor staring at his happy face. How long had it been since he’d seen himself like that? He must have shown Gabriel at least a little of it. It was the face of a young boy, writ large on a man’s body. A face Sam had forgotten with the passing of time and the accumulation of pain.
“When I was fourteen my dad found me kissing a boy I knew. He was my first crush. It was nothing serious, but dad didn’t know that. Didn’t care.”
Gabriel crossed the room and crouched in front of Sam, hands dangling in between his thighs. Close but not touching.
“My mom died in childbirth, and it was just my dad and my big brother and I. Dean is four years older, and he understood what was going on better than I did. I knew that dad had a drinking problem, and I knew that we needed to be careful about his temper. I didn’t know he was really against having a faggot for a son.”
If the word bothered Gabriel he gave no indication. Instead he sat down and put his hand on the floor beside Sam’s thigh. Sam took the lifeline, gripped it tight, and held on for the worst part.
“He was already drunk. Just totally gone. He’d been emptying the place of bottles though, and he only took down the first bag. He left it there by the dumpster and then he grabbed me and hauled me up the stairs and into the apartment. He started yelling, just yelling about, like, everything, and I wanted to go. I wanted to run or hide under the bed or something, but I thought if I was going to ever grow up I should start then. So I just stood there as he yelled, and then he pushed me.”
When Sam looked away Gabriel let him, but he wouldn’t relinquish Sam’s hand.
“I hit the floor, and I was looking up at him and he was so tall. Just really tall, and I’ve always remembered that. How small I felt there looking up at him. His hands were fisted, and then he pulled me up and started hitting me. I tried to fight back. I punched him and-I tried to get away then, because he was so much bigger, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t get away. And then I did, and I ran for the bedroom, and when he came after me he tripped on the second bag and I heard the glass shattering.”
Something soft and wet brushed against Sam’s hand, and when he turned he saw Gabriel’s lips pressed against his knuckles, eyes narrowed and thoughtful. Sam let those lips travel over each knuckle, gentle and soft, thought about how Dean had placed a kiss to them almost reverently once they were out. Had spread antibiotic cream over the breaks in the skin before closing his eyes and shaking.
“Then he was there, and he kicked the door open, and he came in. He had a broken bottle in one hand he-there was-I couldn’t get away but I twisted. I twisted and then the bottle caught-“
And then Sam was crying. Crying and shaking, and Gabriel was wrapped around him holding him tight. Anchoring him to the ground there and making the same soothing noises Sam equated with his brother.
“When it was over Dad left, and it was just me on the ground there. I found a dirty shirt and I pushed it against the cut, but I couldn’t make myself get up. I thought maybe if I just stayed there long enough he’d come back and apologize or something. Except he didn’t. Not right away. Instead Dean came in and found me. He was freaking out, face all pale and hands-and then Dad came-“
He paused for a deep breath and felt those lips press against his temple.
“Dad wanted to finish me off I think. I’m not really-it doesn’t matter. He came at me with the bottle and Dean stepped between us. The bottle cut Dean’s arm up really badly, but he just stood there and waited for Dad to back up before he went at him. Beat him so badly I’m not sure-we never saw him again. I don’t know. Then Dean packed us both a bag, emptied Dad’s wallet, and shoved us both in the old car Dean got for turning eighteen.”
Gabriel’s hand moved up and down his arm, calluses sending those sparks despite the despair of the memory. Sam had never told this story before. There was no reason to. Dean already knew it and there was no one else.
“He handled everything. Found an apartment and a job. He made sure I got to school every day and that I got home. Sometimes-he never admitted but I know that-there wouldn’t be enough food and I’d have dinner but he didn’t. Sometimes there wasn’t even that. But I was safe, and there were no drunken diatribes, and I wasn’t afraid of going home. I was afraid of everything else. I went to school, went home, and then hid there. Once I was done with my degree I got the tech job, and that’s made things easier. Now I can help with bills and stuff. Dean still-I mean I’m not-I worry him and he has to put up with-“
Rough fingers covered his mouth and Sam shut up instantly. When he finally turned he found Gabriel’s intense gaze waiting for him.
“I haven’t known you real long Sammy, so you may not believe me, but I doubt your brother has regretted saving you. I bet he’s thankful every day he got the chance. You’re worth saving Sam. You may not believe it, but it’s true. You’re worth saving.”
They stayed like that for a long time, Gabriel’s fingers against his lips and his other arm twined around Sam. The chocolate and stone smell of him, the gentle warmth, and the soft rise and fall of breath being shared in the quiet space of his workroom.
Eventually Sam let his head fall forward, Gabriel’s fingers slipping from his lips and Sam rested his weight on the smaller man.
---
Dean’s panicked voicemails broke the spell, and Gabriel drove Sam home. Walked a polite and careful distance away. When they got to the door and Dean met them there his brother looked over his swollen eyes, studied the slump in his shoulders, and then took two steps forward and punched Gabriel in the face.
Gabriel’s only response was to smile and lift an eyebrow. “I’d like your permission to date your brother.”
---
Sam can’t find his shoes. He’s spent the last thirty minutes agonizing over the shirt he picked out and now he can’t find his damn shoes. Dean stands in the archway into the little galley kitchen and simply watches him with what looks to be a smile on his face. Which is the last goddamn straw.
“Are you going to help me, or just stand there and mock me?”
“Oh definitely option two. Is that what you’re doing with your hair?”
He can tell from the smile on Dean’s face his brother is messing with him, which doesn’t stop Sam from rushing to the bathroom to check his hair. He’s never been on a date before. He’s never been anywhere before. He trips over his shoes coming back out of the bathroom, and since they weren’t there when he went in he can only assume Dean found them and carefully placed them in his way. It’s the perfect mixture of affection and ball-busting. Totally Dean.
While he’s lacing his shoes he hears the knock, and then a low conversation between Dean and Gabriel that he can’t quite make out. Sam rushes out of his bedroom to find the two standing in the entranceway. Dean is staring Gabriel down, but Gabriel looks perfectly at ease. It takes a second for Sam to understand that Gabriel is holding a handful of roses, and that their metallic shine is apparently because of the foil wrappers. Chocolate flowers. Gabriel brought him chocolate flowers.
Amber eyes shine as he lifts them and holds them out to Dean. “Put these in water Dean-o. I gotta say hello properly.”
Dean stares incredulously at Gabriel for a moment, turns to Sam, and then looks back at his date. Gabriel, for his part, never takes his eyes off of Sam. There’s a soft smile playing at the corner of his swollen lip, and Sam wonders if this is how all dates are supposed to look. The button up and the lack of the canvas jacket are new, the nicely pressed slacks with no hints of stone dust on them, and the split lip Dean gave the man two days ago all add up into everything Sam ever wanted and didn’t know about.
“Ok, whatever, Sam text me every thirty minutes and be home by eleven. I don’t get a message or you ain’t back by then I’m gonna assume this lunatic did something and I’ll come looking. You don’t want me to come looking.” This last part is directed fully at Gabriel, who waves a flippant hand and then holds it out to Sam.
“I gotta say kiddo you’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen. May I whisk you away in my Swedish chariot?”
Sam ignores Dean’s choked laughter and takes Gabriel’s hand.
---
They end up at a restaurant with food names Sam mostly can’t pronounce. What he recognizes easily are the prices, and he nervously looks over the menu for something in his range. Gabriel reads his mind, and reaches out to pluck the menu from his trembling hands. When the waiter comes Gabriel meets his eyes and smiles easily. “We’re both going to have the Beef Bourguignon. The ’08 St. Martin Bordeaux. We’ll need the full dessert options later.” He winked at the waiter and then turned his laser attention back on Sam. “This was a huge miscalculation.”
Sam’s hand jerked and he knocked two of the forks onto the floor. People looked over, and he could feel the blush covering his face and coloring his misery. “I’m sorry I-you’re right this was-“
“No Sammy. This restaurant. I thought I needed to impress you with fancy since it was your first date. I should have picked a place we both would have been comfortable.”
His heart slowed down, and the waiter whisked the forks away and placed new ones. “Oh. No this is ok. I like-I mean I’ve never had but I’m sure I will like-this is nice.” He nodded and knew he sounded like an idiot, but Gabriel’s smile had gotten larger with each word.
“I’ve never wooed anybody before.”
“Wooed? You’re wooing me?”
“I’m wooing you hard.” Gabriel leaned forward and brushed Sam’s knuckles with his rough fingertips. “That’s the whole point of coming to this pretentious dump. Misguided masculine belief that expense proves interest or something. I spent two hours on the internet Googling restaurants and reading what to order and how to pronounce it.”
Sam felt the smile overtaking his face. “Really?”
Gabriel nodded and made a serious face that was ruined by the twinkle in his eyes. “Really kiddo. I won’t lie to you. Ask me anything.”
“Why me?” The second it’s out Sam wants to take it back. Other than sounding childish and insecure, which Sam is aware he is, it gives the impression he’s fishing for a compliment. Gabe doesn’t seem to take it that way though, and he simply smiles and brushes Sam’s knuckles again.
“You may as well ask me why the sky is blue Sam. I could answer for days and never be right. It’s a whole lot of things. Your smell, the look in your eyes when you smile, the way you shy away from everything even as you lean towards it. The Japanese have this theory called ‘wabi-sabi’. It’s all about how imperfections make things aesthetically pleasing. A little bit of asymmetry and roughness gives art something special and different. You got tons of wabi-sabi kiddo.”
Sam’s never heard that before. His fingers itch to hit a keyboard, search the internet, and find out if it’s true and the rest of its meaning.
Instead he sits back in his chair when the waiter pours them both a glass of a dark red wine. “What are your parents like?”
Gabriel swirls his glass for a second before putting it down. “My mother died when I was young. My father is an absentee parent with a large checkbook. It keeps all of us comfortable, but emotionally unstable. For example I have one brother who’s a total control freak, another is a hedonist, my quirky self, and Cas who’s a robot on the best of days.” His lips turn upwards in an honest if strained smile. “Nothing terrible. Just distant.”
He nods as if all of that is something he’s heard before. As if Gabriel isn’t trying to apologize for having a childhood that was bad, but not like his. There’s an uncomfortable moment, and then something occurs to Sam. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a professor? Why’d you lie about being a student?”
Here the cheeks flush for just a second, and Gabriel looks away before he makes eye contact again. “I wanted you to like me. You had a lot of preconceived notions about professors Sammy, and I didn’t think you’d relax if you knew I was one.”
Fair enough. “Ok. So are you close to all of your brothers, or just Castiel?”
The food arrived, and Sam studied it for a moment before he began cutting into it. Across from him Gabriel showed his usual zest for eating.
“Just Castiel. He’s easier to love. Plus he puts up with all my eccentricities.”
“That’s not hard.” Sam ducked his head to hide his blush and shoved beef in his mouth. He heard a noise and looked up to see Gabriel laughing softly. “What?”
“You just made my day kiddo.”
Dessert ending up being the largest piece of cheesecake they’d serve them with more whip cream than the waiter seemed comfortable with. They shared, and the conversation stayed in safer territory for the duration.
Afterwards Gabriel took him to a movie. Somehow Sam managed to focus on the screen, to follow the plot, and to study Gabriel the whole time. To take in the laughing face, the crinkled eyes, and the sly looks Gabe sent him as the movie progressed. When a hand brushed his shoulder and an arm settled around his back Sam didn’t move away or flinch. It felt good.
---
Gabriel walks him up to the door of the apartment two minutes before his arbitrary curfew, and the shorter man takes Sam’s hand and brushes his lips against the same knuckles as before. This time it doesn’t have any lingering Dean memories, because the caress of Gabe’s lips goes straight to Sam’s cock.
And that’s it. He makes a new date in a few days, gives Sam a bright smile, and then he’s literally skipping his way down the hallway and towards the stairs. Dean drags Sam inside a few minutes later with an amused expression on his face.
“How’d it go?”
“I-uh-it was-Dean how long do you have to wait to know you’re in love?” Sam can’t make eye contact. Can’t look up from the floor. He feels Dean’s hand settle on his shoulder.
“Give that a little more time Sammy. Don’t jump to that right away.” When he dares to glance up there’s a tender and concerned expression he’s seen too often in his life. The only difference between it before and it now is the trace of hope that he sees underneath it. “That being said, my little siiiiister is in looooooove.”
They both laugh their way through Sam punching Dean in the shoulder.
---
Their fourth date is the oddest double in the history of the planet. Apparently four was the number Dean decided meant he needed to play protective big brother and come along. Which almost works out, because Gabe’s little brother Castiel insists on coming too.
They end up at a bar in town famous for its burgers, and the night is perpetually being interrupted by women Dean knows. His brother waves them off, smiles lasciviously, and at one point actually pulls a girl onto his lap and mock whispers in her ear that he’d, “love to, but it’s all about my baby bro tonight.”
Much to Sam’s embarrassment a few of the women take that to mean they need to bring a friend or two over to distract the other people at the table. Castiel watches the whole thing with no expression, but Gabriel seems delighted. When one particularly aggressive woman links her arms around his shoulders and offers to show him the bathrooms Gabriel turns to Sam with twinkling eyes.
“Sam I’m frightened. Please baby, make the scary lady go away.” The woman recoils, huffs, and stalks away. Sam can’t help himself. He starts laughing, and the entire table seems to fall silent in response. When he gets ahold of himself again Dean is staring at him, a soft look on his face that Sam wasn’t really expecting or ready for.
Castiel talks little, but it seems less about being stand-offish and more about being shy. When he does get into a conversation it is oddly enough with Dean and about anime. They debate the finer points of several shows, and Castiel actually shows animation when he and Dean get into a conversation about Elfen Lied.
At the end of the night Dean says something to Gabriel Sam can’t hear, and then there’s a handshake and his brother laughs.
On the ride home Dean keeps his eyes on the road when he casually states, “I guess you could keep him around. He’s not a complete idiot.”
---
It’s because things have been going so well. Sam knows it, and he’s only a little afraid of when the other shoe will drop. The dates continue, spaced out a little more when he returns to work. The breakfasts resume though, and eventually Gabriel starts ordering larger meals for Sam. Insists that Sam needs fattening up as he pours syrup over Sam’s waffles or douses ketchup over breakfast potatoes.
Sam doesn’t argue, and he lets Gabriel pay. They go to movies, they walk through parks, and other than kissing his knuckles or holding his hand Gabriel never tries to take it further.
Which is unfortunate, because Sam wants to go further. Wants to try more, and wants to try it with Gabriel.
He starts talking more, voice finding traction and volume, and he shares his opinions with the older man. The first time he tells Gabriel he doesn’t like horror movies the man looks so pleased that Sam can’t help but smile back. They laugh, a lot, and that’s good.
Every now and then Gabriel comes around the apartment and watches something with him and Dean. His brother has grown to like the professor, and that means Dean gives him shit constantly. Gabriel takes it all with his general good nature, and often gives as good as he gets.
Sam even finds himself growing closer to Gabriel’s brother, and Castiel opens up as time progresses. He teaches English Literature at a smaller school nearby, and he often talks about books with Sam. If he knows anything about Sam’s history he never mentions it. They get along fine, and about two months into the relationship Sam finds himself being called instead of Gabriel to take Castiel to the hospital when he needs an emergency breathing treatment.
It’s all going well, and so Sam is ready for the blow when it comes. He heads home from breakfast one day, collapses into his bed, and wakes up to a screaming alarm. He’s coughing, confused, and when he tries to get up from the bed his muscles are trembly and weak. He can’t stand up right, and he crawls towards the door.
A second later there’s a splintering sound, the door flies open, and Dean is there with a wild look in his eyes and a roar building behind him. He lifts Sam up, and half-carries him out of the building and onto the sidewalk outside. People are gathered, some of them his neighbors and some simply on-lookers.
Dean terrorizes the paramedics until they get to Sam, and then hovers anxiously parroting the EMT’s questions in a panicked voice.
“How long were you in the smoke Sammy? Do you know? How’s your breathing? Do you have a headache? Did you get burned?”
He’s too weak and dizzy to tell Dean to back off, so he lets his brother mother-hen him even after the man clears him to leave with minor smoke inhalation.
As they watch the apartment building burn to the ground Sam leans his head against Dean’s shoulder and forms slow and slurry words.
“Where we stay now?”
The medic gave him something, and he can’t quite get his head around speech. Dean snakes an arm around his shoulder and squeezes him once. “I’ll figure it out. Just rest Sammy.”
They end up at Gabriel’s house. The older man opens the door to see the two soot-stained brothers standing on the porch leaning against each other, and without a word he steps back and lets them in. He serves them cake, and then kneels in front of Sam and studies him carefully. Without turning away he speaks, but it’s obvious the message is directed at his brother.
“Thank you.”
Dean grunts and shovels cake into his mouth. “’S my brother dude. I’m always gonna save his big ass.”
There’s a sad quirk to Gabriel’s lips. “His ass is marvelous.”
Sam almost laughs at how Dean chokes on his cake.
---
They’ve been at Gabriel’s for three weeks when their old landlord announces that he’s not going to rebuild. If they have renter’s insurance that’s great, and if they don’t they’re kind of screwed. Since Dean never had a written contract with the man anyway, and Sam figures the legal proceedings would be overly expensive and rather insane. His brother, it turns out, was more of a planner than Sam ever imagined.
The insurance check is large enough for them to get new clothes, to replace some of their belongings, and go out to dinner. Sam orders a steak and watches as Gabe and Dean light-heartedly joke with each other. It’s when Dean calls Gabe their sugar daddy that Sam starts to worry.
They haven’t even tried to find another place to live. The one time he brought up paying rent Gabe shut him down so quick Sam’s head spun. He knows he’s not a sugar baby because he and Gabriel haven’t even kissed yet.
Which brings up other issues. They’ve been together four months and they’ve never kissed. How long will it take Gabriel to get sick of waiting? He knows the man isn’t inexperienced, and there has to be an expectation. Sure Gabe has never pushed, never suggested, but Sam can’t imagine that this can last forever. Gabriel’s laughter about “emphasis on the sugar” leaves him feeling colder. He forces a smile though, and works out a plan.
Two days later he’s waiting in Gabe’s bed when the man comes back from work. Dean is at the garage, the house is quiet, and when the door opens Gabriel has his mail in one hand and his keys in his teeth. They clatter against the hardwood floor when he looks up to see Sam sprawled naked against his sheets.
There’s silence for a long time, a staring contest Sam is only just able to keep up, and then Gabe slowly drops the mail and shrugs his jacket off before dropping it on the floor and leaning against the wall.
“Sam. What’s going on kiddo?” The older man sounds quiet, unsure, and strained. Sam hates to hear that in Gabriel’s usually easy going voice.
“I want to-that is we’ve been-I’m ready for more.” He keeps his chin up, eyes locked on Gabriel’s, and there’s a widening there and a lifting of eyebrows that gives Sam a small thrill.
“Sammy. Usually people kiss for a while before they get to the down and dirty. Wouldn’t you like to take it slow?” Gabe swallows once, and Sam looks down to see a noticeable bulge in the man’s jeans. His hands, rough from years of shaping stone, flex and clench rhythmically.
“No. I want you.” And he does. It’s not just his insecurities and his fear of being replaced. It’s an honest wish for Gabriel to touch him. To own him and mark him the way everyone else in a relationship does on a daily basis. Sam wants to know what those lips feel like pressed against his, those hands on more tender parts of his body, and there’s a long silence that makes him worry that maybe he’s overstepped his bounds.
Except Gabriel crosses the room and kneels beside the bed. “Kiddo I don’t have much in the way of impulse control. You gotta be sure you understand me? We do this and you don’t get to back out. I can’t stand having you like that and losing you ‘cause you weren’t ready.”
Sam leans forward and ends the discussion by locking his lips to Gabriel’s. They’re sweet, strawberry and warm skin, and it’s nothing like the tentative first kisses he shared all those years ago. He licks carefully, and then Gabriel’s fingers are locked in his hair and his mouth is taking over.
For the longest time that’s it. The pressure of Gabriel’s fingers rubbing against his scalp in a soothing motion even as the man’s talented mouth moves against Sam’s and demands more and more. Sam’s losing his breath, lips open as Gabe licks at his tongue, his teeth, and then pulls back just enough to take a long breath against Sam’s lips before plunging back in.
Teeth nip his lower lip the second time Gabriel pulls back, and he’s hard and aching for more. Rough hands stroke his face, dip down to trace his collarbone, and then linger on the scar on his ribs for just a moment. “So beautiful. So perfectly composed on the outside, and then the inside is so much better. How’d I get so damn lucky?”
Sam raises his eyebrows, and then figures since he’s naked and about to do something he never thought was in the cards for him he may as well go for broke. “I’m the lucky one. You’re so understanding and gentle. You’ve been so patient.” He leans forward and plants a kiss to Gabriel’s neck, sucks a bruise, and relishes the older man’s broken moan. “I love you.”
When he pulls back Gabriel’s eyes are dark and liquid, and they move over his face for a long time as if studying his veracity. Then Gabe pushes gently and Sam flops backwards. “Gonna enjoy this kiddo. Gonna map every inch of you with my tongue and leave you trembling and begging. When it’s over you’re gonna be too exhausted to ask for more, and I’m just gonna keep giving it to you. Gonna fill you up with all the love you shoulda had by now and then more.”
And Sam wants that. He hears the breathy whimper that comes out of his mouth and feels no shame at all. Instead he watches as Gabriel exposes every inch of his skin. The gentler lines of him, the defined biceps clashing with the softer belly. Gabriel’s lightly dusted with hair, skin pale and creamy looking, and Sam wants to touch but he holds still and just watches. When the older man is completely naked Sam moans at the sight of his cock, fully erect and huge, the head red and already slick with pre-come.
Then Gabriel is there, over him, and despite their considerable size difference Sam feels enveloped in his warmth. Feels small and vulnerable under that penetrating gaze as the soft lips he was kissing map out his collarbone, trace down along his ribs, and then move back up so he can swirl a tongue around one of Sam’s nipples. Sam arches, keens, and Gabriel shushes him before moving to the next one.
Gabe takes his time, mouth driving Sam to the brink without any friction on his cock, and fingers tracing along saliva-slick skin to press the ghostly impression of Gabe’s tongue back into his skin. It’s hot and sweet, gentle and slow, and Sam lets himself be overwhelmed with sensation as Gabriel plays his body like an instrument. When teeth scrape his hipbone he jerks up reflexively, and then a tongue dips into his navel and Sam cries out Gabriel’s name.
He’s sure it can’t get any better, but gentle hands turn him over and Sam rolls in the direction he’s being pushed. Callused fingers stroke his ass cheeks gently, a small nip makes him buck forward, and then a tongue soothes the tiny hurt.
Sam didn’t even know this was a part of sex, but when Gabriel’s tongue dips along his crack he tilts his hips up to offer better access. He showered thoroughly beforehand, but there’s still a slight sensation of dirtywrong about it as Gabriel uses his rough hands to pull Sam open as gently as he can before that tongue licks a stripe from Sam’s balls up to his clenched asshole.
All he can do is moan, fingers tearing at the sheets, while Gabriel eats away at him like the world’s sweetest treat. When a finger joins the tongue Sam bucks hard and whimpers, but Gabe keeps going. The shushing noises are back, and Sam can’t help himself. He leans on one shoulder and peers back to see that Gabriel is stroking himself slowly with one hand while he uses the other to explore Sam’s virgin hole along with his tongue.
He’s almost there, can feel the trembling build-up as Gabriel works him towards his first assisted orgasm. All he can manage is, “Wai-sto-wanna-“
And Gabriel, the magical bastard, knows exactly what Sam needs. He pulls back, manhandles Sam over, and then buries his face in Sam’s shoulder as his cock slides up against Sam’s. Sam manages to get one hand around both of them, grips the shafts together tightly, and then begins to desperately thrust. They’re moving together, pace perfect and skin slick with sweat adding to the friction, lips against each other as they share breath, when Gabriel speaks. “Love-love you Sam.”
Sam breaks apart at that, hips thrusting wildly as his orgasm rips through him and his mouth falls open into a wide “o” against Gabriel’s. The older man joins him seconds later, body trembling against his as he spurts onto Sam’s stomach and chest.
They lie beside each for a long time afterwards, hands stroking skin and voices gentle and low.
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow is right Sammy.”
“Wow.”
A gentle chuckle. “Yup. I’m just amazing.”
Sam gives Gabriel a light punch and then looks to make sure that’s ok. When all he gets is a blinding smile he relaxes a bit further into the soft pillows. “Thank you.”
The chuckle is back, and Gabriel lifts his right hand and kisses the knuckles there as he always does. Sam can no longer wonder at it. “Why do you do that all the time?”
Gabe peers at his knuckles and then smiles gently, eyes void of mischief, filled with tenderness and joy. “This is the hand you used to prove you’re stronger than anything fate could send at you. This is the hand that shows how good and gentle you can be, but that there’s a core of steel in you that won’t be bent or broken. I admire you, I love you, I want you, and this hand is a physical symbol of why.”
Sam loops his arm over his tearing eyes and grips Gabe’s hand tightly. “Thank you.”
“You keep saying that Sammy, but it’s me that’s thankful.”
---
Dean walks into the kitchen, looks at Gabriel pressed against Sam’s side as he instructs Sam on how to make the perfect crepe, and lets out a low noise.
“You deflowered my baby brother you bastard!” Sam’s not sure if the dominant emotion there is anger or amusement or joy.
Either way, they’re all replaced by shock, quickly followed by delight and bliss masked with horror when Sam responds with, “Technically we didn’t get to the actual deflowering, but it’s only a matter of time.”
Gabriel’s delighted howls are more than enough to bolster Sam’s confidence, and he flips the crepe before laughing himself.
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel
Type: Romantic
Rating: NC-17
Medium: Fic
Word Count: Total 11,081
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any related character. I do own a fedora. It is quite snazzy.
Summary: Quiet, skittish, introverted Sam Winchester meets an unstoppable force in Dr. Gabriel Novack, but can the older man draw him out of his shell?
Warnings: Recollections of past abuse.
Link: "I Could Fill Your Cup" (2/2)
Notes: This is to fill the Sam/Gabriel bingo square for the
spnpairingbingoOn Friday, at three AM, Sam looked up from his laptop to see Gabriel standing there with a big bright smile on his face. His eyes spoke of concern though, and Sam bit down on the hope that brought up and simply raised an eyebrow. He could do this. Dean had gone through so much worse for them, so Sam could do this. “Hi. I’m Sam. How can I help you?”
The smile faltered, and Gabriel leaned over the counter and into his personal space. Sam leaned back. “Kiddo. Look I’m sorry about-“
“It’s ok.” Sam looked back down and started typing blindly. “I wasn’t-I didn’t wait long. Figured you had better- something more important to do.”
“Sam that isn’t it. I just-“
Like a delayed gift from God the door crashed open and a drunken frat boy slammed into the counter beside Gabriel. “Dude! You gotta help me! My laptop got wet.” The beer stinking HP landed on the counter, and Sam turned his eyes to it and then reached slowly and carefully. He was half-afraid he’d go the wrong direction and touch Gabriel.
“Holy shit! Dr. G! What are you doing here?”
When Sam looked up it took him a full minute to figure out the guy was talking to Gabriel. Another to understand what that meant. Dr. As in a professor. How many times had he complained about professors to this man? How many times had he endangered his job telling him personal information about the work he did? Naming names. Shit, shit, shit. He saw Gabriel get his panic and the amber eyes went soft and gentle.
“Tom I think this is beyond the help desk. Maybe you should go back to your dorm.”
“N-no this is-I can try to dry it out. Good night Dr-“ He didn’t know Gabe’s last name. He didn’t know anything.
The laptop ended up in his hands, and he tried not to scuttle as he rushed into the back room where they kept the hairdryer.
---
Sam had three weeks of vacation stored up. He claimed a family emergency and started it the next day. It was the coward’s way out, and he knew it, but he took it anyway. He spent the time working on his game, cleaning and re-cleaning the apartment, and doing anything that meant not leaving.
On the third night of his self-imposed isolation Dean came home with two cases of beer and a glint in his eyes. He plopped the cases onto the coffee table, went back out to collect bags of Chinese food, and then led Sam to the couch and sat him down.
They watched action movies, beer disappearing rapidly and Chinese food quickly demolished. Halfway through Equilibrium Dean looked over.
“Want me to kick his ass?”
Sam thought of the day Dean had come home to find him curled into the corner of their room, covered in blood and shaking. Thought of Dean standing over him with his arm dripping in the stuff and a look on his face that spoke of death and damnation.
“No. I read it wrong. He just wanted someone to talk to.”
Dean nodded once thoughtfully, and then a pained expression took over his face.
“Sam look-Jesus dude I’m not good at this but, if he-“ Dean waved a hand and then leaned back into the couch and drained his beer. “You’re better than that. You’re like-you’re the best person I’ve ever known. If he didn’t see that then he’s one dumb son of a bitch.”
“Yeah. But it’s good. It’s good because now I know. I can get out there.” But it was hollow and they both knew it. Dean’s hand rested on his shoulder for a moment before he reached for another beer.
---
He was halfway through cleaning the grout in the tub when he heard the knocking. Sam washed his hands and headed for the door. The only person who ever knocked was their neighbor, and she often needed Sam to lift something for her. It didn’t occur to him that he was shirtless until he opened the door and found himself face to face with Gabriel.
There was silence, thick and uncomfortable, and Sam fought against his ingrained manners to not shut the door in the man’s face and go for a shirt.
Instead he stood there awkwardly, white-knuckle gripping the door and hoping he wasn’t shaking visibly.
“I sweet talked the girl in HR into giving me your address. I need to talk to you.”
Gone was the easy smile, the twinkle, and in its place was a seriousness that looked foreign to Gabriel’s facial structure. Amber eyes scanned him, widened at the sight of his ribs, and then lifted back up.
“I-let me-I need a shirt so-“ He slammed his mouth shut and turned, walking away before any more damage could be done. It didn’t take long to find one, but he couldn’t imagine how much time it was going to take to psych himself up for going back into the living room.
Which was probably why Sam jumped a foot when the sound of a throat clearing broke him out of his reverie. He spun around and looked at Gabriel, wide-eyed and shaking. The older man took a half-step forward and held his hands out in a soothing manner.
“It’s ok Sam. I’m not gonna hurt you. I don’t know who did, but it won’t be me. I just want to explain myself.”
“Then explain.” It sounded desolate instead of firm, and Sam cursed himself soundly.
“Ok, first, that day I didn’t come? I was at the hospital with my little brother. I wanted to call you, but it seemed to have slipped both our minds to trade phone numbers.” The wry smile was a pale shadow of the one Sam had gotten used to. “So it had nothing to do with me not wanting to see you kiddo. I wanted to see you so bad, I swear, but he has this health condition and he can’t drive. I’ve been missing you every day since then.”
“Ok.” Sam nodded and cast his eyes upwards to avoid tearing up. He didn’t want to look like any more of an idiot than he already did. “Sorry I over-reacted.”
A hand landed on his elbow, and Sam looked down into concerned warmth. “I don’t mind, but can I finally ask why?”
“I thought-I didn’t-“ Sam cast around for a way to say this that wouldn’t leave him so exposed and vulnerable. When he didn’t find one he just forged ahead. “I didn’t realize you were in a relationship. I thought you-it was stupid. I was stupid. I’m sorry.”
Gabe’s head tilted and his hand started stroking Sam’s elbow, calluses catching on the smooth skin of his arm and sending tingles that he didn’t even begin to analyze.
“I’m not in a relationship Sammy. Not yet anyway.”
“But you-I saw you. In the grocery store.”
The eyes went quizzical, then wide, and then they lit up. Gabriel started to laugh, and Sam tried to put it all together even as the lips he’d studied countless mornings started forming the explanation. “That’s my brother. Sour-face and messy black hair? Castiel. My brother. I’m not dating anybody Sam.”
He could feel the heat filling his cheeks, face twisting in the agony of his own embarrassment. “Oh. Oh shit sorry. Sorry.”
A rough hand took his chin and turned his face so that their eyes were locked. “I want to show you something. Will you come with me?”
---
He ended up in the passenger side of Gabriel’s Volvo. The older man kept up a steady stream of chatter, but Sam couldn’t follow any of it. Instead he watched as the roads changed from busy city streets to smaller and intimate ones lined with Victorian houses. Gabriel pulled into the driveway of a green two-story and led Sam out of the car and around into the backyard.
There was a large storage shed there, and when the doors opened Sam saw it had been converted into a workspace. In the center of the space was a sheet-covered shape that Sam’s eyes immediately locked onto. Gabriel noticed, and there was a soft laugh before he walked across the room and lifted a chisel and a hammer. His hand gripped the sheet and he waited until Sam looked up and met his eyes.
“Remember the first morning we ate together? I told you about that dream, and the smell I couldn’t forget?”
Sam nodded, eyes riveted and unable to move.
Gabriel’s arm moved, and the sound of the sheet slithering across stone jerked Sam’s eyes over to the revealed shape. It was him. Actual size, standing with his hands on his hips and his head thrown back in laughter. Dimples punctuated his smile, his eyes were half-closed, hair looking bed-mussed, and shirtless. It was him.
“I smelled it. That very first time when I stepped up to the counter. Earthy and masculine. It was like waking up in the country after a rainstorm, and I wanted to bury my face in your neck and never leave. Just soak that smell in and get it all stored away. If you hadn’t looked so skittish I would have done it to.”
Gabriel stepped forward, eyed the statue speculatively, and then lifted the chisel and started to delicately tap away. While Sam watched he transformed the smooth lines of the ribs, carefully and lovingly added Sam’s scar. He started beneath the right nipple, and then slid the line down and around until he was working on the statue’s back where Sam could no longer see him for the mass of stone.
“I wanted to grab you up and carry you back here. Snuggle down with you and hold you until that haunted look left your face. Big old thing that you are.” Gabe huffed a laugh and then stepped back around the statue and looked at Sam, hammer dangling from one hand and chisel from the other. “I don’t know who hurt you, and I don’t know why. I’d like to, if you’d like to tell me. I’d like to be the one that helps you feel better. But I might have screwed that up by waiting so long, or by not pushing to explain myself. I never wanted to be someone you were afraid of. I told you I was lonely. I haven’t been lonely since I met you. At least not until the last few days.”
Sam’s legs gave out, and he found himself on the floor staring at his happy face. How long had it been since he’d seen himself like that? He must have shown Gabriel at least a little of it. It was the face of a young boy, writ large on a man’s body. A face Sam had forgotten with the passing of time and the accumulation of pain.
“When I was fourteen my dad found me kissing a boy I knew. He was my first crush. It was nothing serious, but dad didn’t know that. Didn’t care.”
Gabriel crossed the room and crouched in front of Sam, hands dangling in between his thighs. Close but not touching.
“My mom died in childbirth, and it was just my dad and my big brother and I. Dean is four years older, and he understood what was going on better than I did. I knew that dad had a drinking problem, and I knew that we needed to be careful about his temper. I didn’t know he was really against having a faggot for a son.”
If the word bothered Gabriel he gave no indication. Instead he sat down and put his hand on the floor beside Sam’s thigh. Sam took the lifeline, gripped it tight, and held on for the worst part.
“He was already drunk. Just totally gone. He’d been emptying the place of bottles though, and he only took down the first bag. He left it there by the dumpster and then he grabbed me and hauled me up the stairs and into the apartment. He started yelling, just yelling about, like, everything, and I wanted to go. I wanted to run or hide under the bed or something, but I thought if I was going to ever grow up I should start then. So I just stood there as he yelled, and then he pushed me.”
When Sam looked away Gabriel let him, but he wouldn’t relinquish Sam’s hand.
“I hit the floor, and I was looking up at him and he was so tall. Just really tall, and I’ve always remembered that. How small I felt there looking up at him. His hands were fisted, and then he pulled me up and started hitting me. I tried to fight back. I punched him and-I tried to get away then, because he was so much bigger, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t get away. And then I did, and I ran for the bedroom, and when he came after me he tripped on the second bag and I heard the glass shattering.”
Something soft and wet brushed against Sam’s hand, and when he turned he saw Gabriel’s lips pressed against his knuckles, eyes narrowed and thoughtful. Sam let those lips travel over each knuckle, gentle and soft, thought about how Dean had placed a kiss to them almost reverently once they were out. Had spread antibiotic cream over the breaks in the skin before closing his eyes and shaking.
“Then he was there, and he kicked the door open, and he came in. He had a broken bottle in one hand he-there was-I couldn’t get away but I twisted. I twisted and then the bottle caught-“
And then Sam was crying. Crying and shaking, and Gabriel was wrapped around him holding him tight. Anchoring him to the ground there and making the same soothing noises Sam equated with his brother.
“When it was over Dad left, and it was just me on the ground there. I found a dirty shirt and I pushed it against the cut, but I couldn’t make myself get up. I thought maybe if I just stayed there long enough he’d come back and apologize or something. Except he didn’t. Not right away. Instead Dean came in and found me. He was freaking out, face all pale and hands-and then Dad came-“
He paused for a deep breath and felt those lips press against his temple.
“Dad wanted to finish me off I think. I’m not really-it doesn’t matter. He came at me with the bottle and Dean stepped between us. The bottle cut Dean’s arm up really badly, but he just stood there and waited for Dad to back up before he went at him. Beat him so badly I’m not sure-we never saw him again. I don’t know. Then Dean packed us both a bag, emptied Dad’s wallet, and shoved us both in the old car Dean got for turning eighteen.”
Gabriel’s hand moved up and down his arm, calluses sending those sparks despite the despair of the memory. Sam had never told this story before. There was no reason to. Dean already knew it and there was no one else.
“He handled everything. Found an apartment and a job. He made sure I got to school every day and that I got home. Sometimes-he never admitted but I know that-there wouldn’t be enough food and I’d have dinner but he didn’t. Sometimes there wasn’t even that. But I was safe, and there were no drunken diatribes, and I wasn’t afraid of going home. I was afraid of everything else. I went to school, went home, and then hid there. Once I was done with my degree I got the tech job, and that’s made things easier. Now I can help with bills and stuff. Dean still-I mean I’m not-I worry him and he has to put up with-“
Rough fingers covered his mouth and Sam shut up instantly. When he finally turned he found Gabriel’s intense gaze waiting for him.
“I haven’t known you real long Sammy, so you may not believe me, but I doubt your brother has regretted saving you. I bet he’s thankful every day he got the chance. You’re worth saving Sam. You may not believe it, but it’s true. You’re worth saving.”
They stayed like that for a long time, Gabriel’s fingers against his lips and his other arm twined around Sam. The chocolate and stone smell of him, the gentle warmth, and the soft rise and fall of breath being shared in the quiet space of his workroom.
Eventually Sam let his head fall forward, Gabriel’s fingers slipping from his lips and Sam rested his weight on the smaller man.
---
Dean’s panicked voicemails broke the spell, and Gabriel drove Sam home. Walked a polite and careful distance away. When they got to the door and Dean met them there his brother looked over his swollen eyes, studied the slump in his shoulders, and then took two steps forward and punched Gabriel in the face.
Gabriel’s only response was to smile and lift an eyebrow. “I’d like your permission to date your brother.”
---
Sam can’t find his shoes. He’s spent the last thirty minutes agonizing over the shirt he picked out and now he can’t find his damn shoes. Dean stands in the archway into the little galley kitchen and simply watches him with what looks to be a smile on his face. Which is the last goddamn straw.
“Are you going to help me, or just stand there and mock me?”
“Oh definitely option two. Is that what you’re doing with your hair?”
He can tell from the smile on Dean’s face his brother is messing with him, which doesn’t stop Sam from rushing to the bathroom to check his hair. He’s never been on a date before. He’s never been anywhere before. He trips over his shoes coming back out of the bathroom, and since they weren’t there when he went in he can only assume Dean found them and carefully placed them in his way. It’s the perfect mixture of affection and ball-busting. Totally Dean.
While he’s lacing his shoes he hears the knock, and then a low conversation between Dean and Gabriel that he can’t quite make out. Sam rushes out of his bedroom to find the two standing in the entranceway. Dean is staring Gabriel down, but Gabriel looks perfectly at ease. It takes a second for Sam to understand that Gabriel is holding a handful of roses, and that their metallic shine is apparently because of the foil wrappers. Chocolate flowers. Gabriel brought him chocolate flowers.
Amber eyes shine as he lifts them and holds them out to Dean. “Put these in water Dean-o. I gotta say hello properly.”
Dean stares incredulously at Gabriel for a moment, turns to Sam, and then looks back at his date. Gabriel, for his part, never takes his eyes off of Sam. There’s a soft smile playing at the corner of his swollen lip, and Sam wonders if this is how all dates are supposed to look. The button up and the lack of the canvas jacket are new, the nicely pressed slacks with no hints of stone dust on them, and the split lip Dean gave the man two days ago all add up into everything Sam ever wanted and didn’t know about.
“Ok, whatever, Sam text me every thirty minutes and be home by eleven. I don’t get a message or you ain’t back by then I’m gonna assume this lunatic did something and I’ll come looking. You don’t want me to come looking.” This last part is directed fully at Gabriel, who waves a flippant hand and then holds it out to Sam.
“I gotta say kiddo you’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen. May I whisk you away in my Swedish chariot?”
Sam ignores Dean’s choked laughter and takes Gabriel’s hand.
---
They end up at a restaurant with food names Sam mostly can’t pronounce. What he recognizes easily are the prices, and he nervously looks over the menu for something in his range. Gabriel reads his mind, and reaches out to pluck the menu from his trembling hands. When the waiter comes Gabriel meets his eyes and smiles easily. “We’re both going to have the Beef Bourguignon. The ’08 St. Martin Bordeaux. We’ll need the full dessert options later.” He winked at the waiter and then turned his laser attention back on Sam. “This was a huge miscalculation.”
Sam’s hand jerked and he knocked two of the forks onto the floor. People looked over, and he could feel the blush covering his face and coloring his misery. “I’m sorry I-you’re right this was-“
“No Sammy. This restaurant. I thought I needed to impress you with fancy since it was your first date. I should have picked a place we both would have been comfortable.”
His heart slowed down, and the waiter whisked the forks away and placed new ones. “Oh. No this is ok. I like-I mean I’ve never had but I’m sure I will like-this is nice.” He nodded and knew he sounded like an idiot, but Gabriel’s smile had gotten larger with each word.
“I’ve never wooed anybody before.”
“Wooed? You’re wooing me?”
“I’m wooing you hard.” Gabriel leaned forward and brushed Sam’s knuckles with his rough fingertips. “That’s the whole point of coming to this pretentious dump. Misguided masculine belief that expense proves interest or something. I spent two hours on the internet Googling restaurants and reading what to order and how to pronounce it.”
Sam felt the smile overtaking his face. “Really?”
Gabriel nodded and made a serious face that was ruined by the twinkle in his eyes. “Really kiddo. I won’t lie to you. Ask me anything.”
“Why me?” The second it’s out Sam wants to take it back. Other than sounding childish and insecure, which Sam is aware he is, it gives the impression he’s fishing for a compliment. Gabe doesn’t seem to take it that way though, and he simply smiles and brushes Sam’s knuckles again.
“You may as well ask me why the sky is blue Sam. I could answer for days and never be right. It’s a whole lot of things. Your smell, the look in your eyes when you smile, the way you shy away from everything even as you lean towards it. The Japanese have this theory called ‘wabi-sabi’. It’s all about how imperfections make things aesthetically pleasing. A little bit of asymmetry and roughness gives art something special and different. You got tons of wabi-sabi kiddo.”
Sam’s never heard that before. His fingers itch to hit a keyboard, search the internet, and find out if it’s true and the rest of its meaning.
Instead he sits back in his chair when the waiter pours them both a glass of a dark red wine. “What are your parents like?”
Gabriel swirls his glass for a second before putting it down. “My mother died when I was young. My father is an absentee parent with a large checkbook. It keeps all of us comfortable, but emotionally unstable. For example I have one brother who’s a total control freak, another is a hedonist, my quirky self, and Cas who’s a robot on the best of days.” His lips turn upwards in an honest if strained smile. “Nothing terrible. Just distant.”
He nods as if all of that is something he’s heard before. As if Gabriel isn’t trying to apologize for having a childhood that was bad, but not like his. There’s an uncomfortable moment, and then something occurs to Sam. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a professor? Why’d you lie about being a student?”
Here the cheeks flush for just a second, and Gabriel looks away before he makes eye contact again. “I wanted you to like me. You had a lot of preconceived notions about professors Sammy, and I didn’t think you’d relax if you knew I was one.”
Fair enough. “Ok. So are you close to all of your brothers, or just Castiel?”
The food arrived, and Sam studied it for a moment before he began cutting into it. Across from him Gabriel showed his usual zest for eating.
“Just Castiel. He’s easier to love. Plus he puts up with all my eccentricities.”
“That’s not hard.” Sam ducked his head to hide his blush and shoved beef in his mouth. He heard a noise and looked up to see Gabriel laughing softly. “What?”
“You just made my day kiddo.”
Dessert ending up being the largest piece of cheesecake they’d serve them with more whip cream than the waiter seemed comfortable with. They shared, and the conversation stayed in safer territory for the duration.
Afterwards Gabriel took him to a movie. Somehow Sam managed to focus on the screen, to follow the plot, and to study Gabriel the whole time. To take in the laughing face, the crinkled eyes, and the sly looks Gabe sent him as the movie progressed. When a hand brushed his shoulder and an arm settled around his back Sam didn’t move away or flinch. It felt good.
---
Gabriel walks him up to the door of the apartment two minutes before his arbitrary curfew, and the shorter man takes Sam’s hand and brushes his lips against the same knuckles as before. This time it doesn’t have any lingering Dean memories, because the caress of Gabe’s lips goes straight to Sam’s cock.
And that’s it. He makes a new date in a few days, gives Sam a bright smile, and then he’s literally skipping his way down the hallway and towards the stairs. Dean drags Sam inside a few minutes later with an amused expression on his face.
“How’d it go?”
“I-uh-it was-Dean how long do you have to wait to know you’re in love?” Sam can’t make eye contact. Can’t look up from the floor. He feels Dean’s hand settle on his shoulder.
“Give that a little more time Sammy. Don’t jump to that right away.” When he dares to glance up there’s a tender and concerned expression he’s seen too often in his life. The only difference between it before and it now is the trace of hope that he sees underneath it. “That being said, my little siiiiister is in looooooove.”
They both laugh their way through Sam punching Dean in the shoulder.
---
Their fourth date is the oddest double in the history of the planet. Apparently four was the number Dean decided meant he needed to play protective big brother and come along. Which almost works out, because Gabe’s little brother Castiel insists on coming too.
They end up at a bar in town famous for its burgers, and the night is perpetually being interrupted by women Dean knows. His brother waves them off, smiles lasciviously, and at one point actually pulls a girl onto his lap and mock whispers in her ear that he’d, “love to, but it’s all about my baby bro tonight.”
Much to Sam’s embarrassment a few of the women take that to mean they need to bring a friend or two over to distract the other people at the table. Castiel watches the whole thing with no expression, but Gabriel seems delighted. When one particularly aggressive woman links her arms around his shoulders and offers to show him the bathrooms Gabriel turns to Sam with twinkling eyes.
“Sam I’m frightened. Please baby, make the scary lady go away.” The woman recoils, huffs, and stalks away. Sam can’t help himself. He starts laughing, and the entire table seems to fall silent in response. When he gets ahold of himself again Dean is staring at him, a soft look on his face that Sam wasn’t really expecting or ready for.
Castiel talks little, but it seems less about being stand-offish and more about being shy. When he does get into a conversation it is oddly enough with Dean and about anime. They debate the finer points of several shows, and Castiel actually shows animation when he and Dean get into a conversation about Elfen Lied.
At the end of the night Dean says something to Gabriel Sam can’t hear, and then there’s a handshake and his brother laughs.
On the ride home Dean keeps his eyes on the road when he casually states, “I guess you could keep him around. He’s not a complete idiot.”
---
It’s because things have been going so well. Sam knows it, and he’s only a little afraid of when the other shoe will drop. The dates continue, spaced out a little more when he returns to work. The breakfasts resume though, and eventually Gabriel starts ordering larger meals for Sam. Insists that Sam needs fattening up as he pours syrup over Sam’s waffles or douses ketchup over breakfast potatoes.
Sam doesn’t argue, and he lets Gabriel pay. They go to movies, they walk through parks, and other than kissing his knuckles or holding his hand Gabriel never tries to take it further.
Which is unfortunate, because Sam wants to go further. Wants to try more, and wants to try it with Gabriel.
He starts talking more, voice finding traction and volume, and he shares his opinions with the older man. The first time he tells Gabriel he doesn’t like horror movies the man looks so pleased that Sam can’t help but smile back. They laugh, a lot, and that’s good.
Every now and then Gabriel comes around the apartment and watches something with him and Dean. His brother has grown to like the professor, and that means Dean gives him shit constantly. Gabriel takes it all with his general good nature, and often gives as good as he gets.
Sam even finds himself growing closer to Gabriel’s brother, and Castiel opens up as time progresses. He teaches English Literature at a smaller school nearby, and he often talks about books with Sam. If he knows anything about Sam’s history he never mentions it. They get along fine, and about two months into the relationship Sam finds himself being called instead of Gabriel to take Castiel to the hospital when he needs an emergency breathing treatment.
It’s all going well, and so Sam is ready for the blow when it comes. He heads home from breakfast one day, collapses into his bed, and wakes up to a screaming alarm. He’s coughing, confused, and when he tries to get up from the bed his muscles are trembly and weak. He can’t stand up right, and he crawls towards the door.
A second later there’s a splintering sound, the door flies open, and Dean is there with a wild look in his eyes and a roar building behind him. He lifts Sam up, and half-carries him out of the building and onto the sidewalk outside. People are gathered, some of them his neighbors and some simply on-lookers.
Dean terrorizes the paramedics until they get to Sam, and then hovers anxiously parroting the EMT’s questions in a panicked voice.
“How long were you in the smoke Sammy? Do you know? How’s your breathing? Do you have a headache? Did you get burned?”
He’s too weak and dizzy to tell Dean to back off, so he lets his brother mother-hen him even after the man clears him to leave with minor smoke inhalation.
As they watch the apartment building burn to the ground Sam leans his head against Dean’s shoulder and forms slow and slurry words.
“Where we stay now?”
The medic gave him something, and he can’t quite get his head around speech. Dean snakes an arm around his shoulder and squeezes him once. “I’ll figure it out. Just rest Sammy.”
They end up at Gabriel’s house. The older man opens the door to see the two soot-stained brothers standing on the porch leaning against each other, and without a word he steps back and lets them in. He serves them cake, and then kneels in front of Sam and studies him carefully. Without turning away he speaks, but it’s obvious the message is directed at his brother.
“Thank you.”
Dean grunts and shovels cake into his mouth. “’S my brother dude. I’m always gonna save his big ass.”
There’s a sad quirk to Gabriel’s lips. “His ass is marvelous.”
Sam almost laughs at how Dean chokes on his cake.
---
They’ve been at Gabriel’s for three weeks when their old landlord announces that he’s not going to rebuild. If they have renter’s insurance that’s great, and if they don’t they’re kind of screwed. Since Dean never had a written contract with the man anyway, and Sam figures the legal proceedings would be overly expensive and rather insane. His brother, it turns out, was more of a planner than Sam ever imagined.
The insurance check is large enough for them to get new clothes, to replace some of their belongings, and go out to dinner. Sam orders a steak and watches as Gabe and Dean light-heartedly joke with each other. It’s when Dean calls Gabe their sugar daddy that Sam starts to worry.
They haven’t even tried to find another place to live. The one time he brought up paying rent Gabe shut him down so quick Sam’s head spun. He knows he’s not a sugar baby because he and Gabriel haven’t even kissed yet.
Which brings up other issues. They’ve been together four months and they’ve never kissed. How long will it take Gabriel to get sick of waiting? He knows the man isn’t inexperienced, and there has to be an expectation. Sure Gabe has never pushed, never suggested, but Sam can’t imagine that this can last forever. Gabriel’s laughter about “emphasis on the sugar” leaves him feeling colder. He forces a smile though, and works out a plan.
Two days later he’s waiting in Gabe’s bed when the man comes back from work. Dean is at the garage, the house is quiet, and when the door opens Gabriel has his mail in one hand and his keys in his teeth. They clatter against the hardwood floor when he looks up to see Sam sprawled naked against his sheets.
There’s silence for a long time, a staring contest Sam is only just able to keep up, and then Gabe slowly drops the mail and shrugs his jacket off before dropping it on the floor and leaning against the wall.
“Sam. What’s going on kiddo?” The older man sounds quiet, unsure, and strained. Sam hates to hear that in Gabriel’s usually easy going voice.
“I want to-that is we’ve been-I’m ready for more.” He keeps his chin up, eyes locked on Gabriel’s, and there’s a widening there and a lifting of eyebrows that gives Sam a small thrill.
“Sammy. Usually people kiss for a while before they get to the down and dirty. Wouldn’t you like to take it slow?” Gabe swallows once, and Sam looks down to see a noticeable bulge in the man’s jeans. His hands, rough from years of shaping stone, flex and clench rhythmically.
“No. I want you.” And he does. It’s not just his insecurities and his fear of being replaced. It’s an honest wish for Gabriel to touch him. To own him and mark him the way everyone else in a relationship does on a daily basis. Sam wants to know what those lips feel like pressed against his, those hands on more tender parts of his body, and there’s a long silence that makes him worry that maybe he’s overstepped his bounds.
Except Gabriel crosses the room and kneels beside the bed. “Kiddo I don’t have much in the way of impulse control. You gotta be sure you understand me? We do this and you don’t get to back out. I can’t stand having you like that and losing you ‘cause you weren’t ready.”
Sam leans forward and ends the discussion by locking his lips to Gabriel’s. They’re sweet, strawberry and warm skin, and it’s nothing like the tentative first kisses he shared all those years ago. He licks carefully, and then Gabriel’s fingers are locked in his hair and his mouth is taking over.
For the longest time that’s it. The pressure of Gabriel’s fingers rubbing against his scalp in a soothing motion even as the man’s talented mouth moves against Sam’s and demands more and more. Sam’s losing his breath, lips open as Gabe licks at his tongue, his teeth, and then pulls back just enough to take a long breath against Sam’s lips before plunging back in.
Teeth nip his lower lip the second time Gabriel pulls back, and he’s hard and aching for more. Rough hands stroke his face, dip down to trace his collarbone, and then linger on the scar on his ribs for just a moment. “So beautiful. So perfectly composed on the outside, and then the inside is so much better. How’d I get so damn lucky?”
Sam raises his eyebrows, and then figures since he’s naked and about to do something he never thought was in the cards for him he may as well go for broke. “I’m the lucky one. You’re so understanding and gentle. You’ve been so patient.” He leans forward and plants a kiss to Gabriel’s neck, sucks a bruise, and relishes the older man’s broken moan. “I love you.”
When he pulls back Gabriel’s eyes are dark and liquid, and they move over his face for a long time as if studying his veracity. Then Gabe pushes gently and Sam flops backwards. “Gonna enjoy this kiddo. Gonna map every inch of you with my tongue and leave you trembling and begging. When it’s over you’re gonna be too exhausted to ask for more, and I’m just gonna keep giving it to you. Gonna fill you up with all the love you shoulda had by now and then more.”
And Sam wants that. He hears the breathy whimper that comes out of his mouth and feels no shame at all. Instead he watches as Gabriel exposes every inch of his skin. The gentler lines of him, the defined biceps clashing with the softer belly. Gabriel’s lightly dusted with hair, skin pale and creamy looking, and Sam wants to touch but he holds still and just watches. When the older man is completely naked Sam moans at the sight of his cock, fully erect and huge, the head red and already slick with pre-come.
Then Gabriel is there, over him, and despite their considerable size difference Sam feels enveloped in his warmth. Feels small and vulnerable under that penetrating gaze as the soft lips he was kissing map out his collarbone, trace down along his ribs, and then move back up so he can swirl a tongue around one of Sam’s nipples. Sam arches, keens, and Gabriel shushes him before moving to the next one.
Gabe takes his time, mouth driving Sam to the brink without any friction on his cock, and fingers tracing along saliva-slick skin to press the ghostly impression of Gabe’s tongue back into his skin. It’s hot and sweet, gentle and slow, and Sam lets himself be overwhelmed with sensation as Gabriel plays his body like an instrument. When teeth scrape his hipbone he jerks up reflexively, and then a tongue dips into his navel and Sam cries out Gabriel’s name.
He’s sure it can’t get any better, but gentle hands turn him over and Sam rolls in the direction he’s being pushed. Callused fingers stroke his ass cheeks gently, a small nip makes him buck forward, and then a tongue soothes the tiny hurt.
Sam didn’t even know this was a part of sex, but when Gabriel’s tongue dips along his crack he tilts his hips up to offer better access. He showered thoroughly beforehand, but there’s still a slight sensation of dirtywrong about it as Gabriel uses his rough hands to pull Sam open as gently as he can before that tongue licks a stripe from Sam’s balls up to his clenched asshole.
All he can do is moan, fingers tearing at the sheets, while Gabriel eats away at him like the world’s sweetest treat. When a finger joins the tongue Sam bucks hard and whimpers, but Gabe keeps going. The shushing noises are back, and Sam can’t help himself. He leans on one shoulder and peers back to see that Gabriel is stroking himself slowly with one hand while he uses the other to explore Sam’s virgin hole along with his tongue.
He’s almost there, can feel the trembling build-up as Gabriel works him towards his first assisted orgasm. All he can manage is, “Wai-sto-wanna-“
And Gabriel, the magical bastard, knows exactly what Sam needs. He pulls back, manhandles Sam over, and then buries his face in Sam’s shoulder as his cock slides up against Sam’s. Sam manages to get one hand around both of them, grips the shafts together tightly, and then begins to desperately thrust. They’re moving together, pace perfect and skin slick with sweat adding to the friction, lips against each other as they share breath, when Gabriel speaks. “Love-love you Sam.”
Sam breaks apart at that, hips thrusting wildly as his orgasm rips through him and his mouth falls open into a wide “o” against Gabriel’s. The older man joins him seconds later, body trembling against his as he spurts onto Sam’s stomach and chest.
They lie beside each for a long time afterwards, hands stroking skin and voices gentle and low.
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow is right Sammy.”
“Wow.”
A gentle chuckle. “Yup. I’m just amazing.”
Sam gives Gabriel a light punch and then looks to make sure that’s ok. When all he gets is a blinding smile he relaxes a bit further into the soft pillows. “Thank you.”
The chuckle is back, and Gabriel lifts his right hand and kisses the knuckles there as he always does. Sam can no longer wonder at it. “Why do you do that all the time?”
Gabe peers at his knuckles and then smiles gently, eyes void of mischief, filled with tenderness and joy. “This is the hand you used to prove you’re stronger than anything fate could send at you. This is the hand that shows how good and gentle you can be, but that there’s a core of steel in you that won’t be bent or broken. I admire you, I love you, I want you, and this hand is a physical symbol of why.”
Sam loops his arm over his tearing eyes and grips Gabe’s hand tightly. “Thank you.”
“You keep saying that Sammy, but it’s me that’s thankful.”
---
Dean walks into the kitchen, looks at Gabriel pressed against Sam’s side as he instructs Sam on how to make the perfect crepe, and lets out a low noise.
“You deflowered my baby brother you bastard!” Sam’s not sure if the dominant emotion there is anger or amusement or joy.
Either way, they’re all replaced by shock, quickly followed by delight and bliss masked with horror when Sam responds with, “Technically we didn’t get to the actual deflowering, but it’s only a matter of time.”
Gabriel’s delighted howls are more than enough to bolster Sam’s confidence, and he flips the crepe before laughing himself.
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no subject
Date: 2013-03-22 04:12 pm (UTC)The AU is so believable. Gabriel and Cas being brothers, I don't know why that never hit me like it did here that they are indeed. I guess since they are human here.
Dean, always overprotective. And Sammy, introverted and adorable. :D Gabriel...I like that he liked the smell of Sam, that pull to him, like his dream coming true. And Gabriel smelled too, mmmm, chocolate. How could Sam not want that?
no subject
Date: 2013-03-22 07:24 pm (UTC):) Sam has good taste most days. Some days. Well...maybe not in canon. Where was I?
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Date: 2013-10-05 03:27 am (UTC)