The Things That Were Thrown Away (2/2)
Feb. 20th, 2013 07:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dime_lioraTitle: The Things That Were Thrown Away (2/2)
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 5,747
Pairing(s): Sam/Dean, Dean/OFC, Gabriel/OFC
Beta(s): The Unfailingly Patient and Kind![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sammichgirl, who can't be blamed for my mistakes.
Summary: A timestamp for "Lost Time", examines Dean and Gabriel's pasts. Won't make much sense if you haven't read "Lost Time", and has spoilers for the story.
Gabriel has not been around for long. He came to being in front of his Father and his two brothers, and Lucifer and Michael were instantly glad to see him. Gabriel knew upon coming to existence everything his Father wished him to know, and so the knowledge of his name, his purpose, and those of his brothers is already waiting for him. He is the third, and he will be his Father’s Messenger. That is all that Gabriel needs.
There is a council of Gods like his Father, and Gabriel is sent in his Father’s stead. They divide the universe into portions, and then they divide a ball of rock and discuss where they will be allowed to place their followers. Gabriel gets no more and no less than his Father requested, because that is what he was told. He wants to ask about the other Gods. How old are they? Do they have creations like himself and his brothers? What will their followers believe?
He asks nothing, because he isn’t supposed to wonder, but he still has so many questions.
He stays quiet because his Father told him to only speak regarding the plan and the dispersal of land. There is a God there, the son of another God who is loud and angry, who winks at him. He says his name is Loki, and he strings together a series of words that have basic conceptual meanings, but no solid reality behind them. Words like knock and orange. Loki says it is the first joke in Creation, and Gabriel believes him, but he doesn’t know why Loki laughs afterwards. He responds with laughter though, because joy is pleasant.
The world is seven days old when Gabriel is first allowed to walk on it. There’s a primordial stew on the ground that Father specifically stated they are not allowed to touch, and Gabriel obeys. That is what he is for after all, obedience. Michael tells them all what they can and cannot touch, what they should stay away from, and Gabriel obeys Michael as well. There are so few of them, and they have so much space to cover. So much to see.
Father’s creation is amazing, and Gabriel allows himself the pleasure of feeling the tips of leaves of reveling in sensation which is a fairly new experience for him. He has a form here, and his form loves this place. Toes touch water, and Gabriel relishes in the newness of wet and warm.
Michael calls out moments after he has felt another plant, and tells him that the thing is off-limits. But Gabriel just touched it, and Father said nothing. Nothing bad has happened. Gabriel experiences two things for the first time in that moment; a frown, and doubt.
Father calls them all together in the center of the Garden, and there he wakes the human for the first time. The man is small, simple looking, but Gabriel knows better. He knows that his Father is perfection, and as such everything that they look at here is intricate and detailed. The man looks around, and then focuses on them. His eyes are wide, shining, wet, and Gabriel is tempted to reach out and poke him. Just to see what would happen. He doesn’t though, because their father specifically stated that the human was off-limits.
From the man comes a woman, and Gabriel is instantly pleased. She’s wonderful, her eyes don’t go slack the way the man’s do, and instead they take into account every part of their surroundings. When her eyes turn on the first man they go wide, and then soft and sweet. It is the first time Gabriel sees love, and that’s transformative. There is a part of him that knows everything their Father imbued them with, and love was in that list, but he has never seen it. The woman loves the man, her eyes say it and her hands stroke softly and smoothly over the place where their Father brought her from.
Gabriel wishes, fervently, that she would look at him like that. Wishes he was made to be loved the way their Father made the man. Except that is not for him, and Gabriel will not overstep his bounds.
This day, the first day that he walks upon Creation and the first day that man takes breath, is the day Gabriel learns more about his state of being then he ever expected to. Until now he has been nothing but an observer. When their Father moved His will, they simply watched. Gabriel has known that he was created to protect his Father’s work, to obey his Father’s will, and to stand beside his brothers. All of that is simply a part of his being, a thing that he knows without knowing how or when or why. So now he is standing on his Father’s greatest work, staring upon love for the first time, and he swells with pride at what he is a part of. He has been created to protect this. To protect the simple and humble love within the woman’s eyes.
While he is thinking all of that, marveling at the design trapped in simplicity, the man finally responds to the woman’s tender touches and gentle looks. He reacts by pushing her away sharply, eyes narrowing in an emotion Gabriel instantly knows is called disgust. She cries out in what he believes is anguish, and then falls backwards. The man turns to his Father and speaks the first words since he awoke in the Garden. “She is refuse.”
Father destroys her with a thought. Gone are the soft and loving eyes, the expression of joy and surrender, gone is everything Gabriel came to admire in man in seconds. She is replaced with a secondary choice, but the man doesn’t care for this one either. She refuses to submit. Father names him Adam, and her Lilith, and then she is cast out of the Garden.
For his third try Father puts Adam to sleep and creates another woman out of his rib. When Adam awakes he loves her, and she submits, and all is well. Except for Gabriel, who looks on the scene without the joy that he had in the beginning. Who is Adam to question their Father? Who is Adam to suggest that he deserves different, better, when Gabriel and his brothers have been given nothing? Why did the woman, who will now forever be nameless, have to be the one destroyed?
That’s when Father commands them to kneel before the two humans, and Gabriel responds automatically because that is what they were made for. That is why they exist.
Lucifer does not kneel.
-----
Creation has changed drastically by the time Gabriel finally goes to his Father. The first humans have given way to the ones Father had brewing in the primordial stew. Even with Adam gone Lucifer is still surly and unhappy, and the tensions between him and Michael have only escalated as the years have gone on. Lucifer sees no point in the creatures learning to walk on two legs or re-capturing language, something that should have been their birthright (Lucifer points out), but has been lost to them due to bad behavior.
He takes a seat near his Father and waits to be acknowledged before he begins to ask questions. “Father, what will the new humans do? Why did we let the first ones die? What will appease Lucifer’s anger?”
His Father is indulgent if distant. “They will do what they want Gabriel. They have Free Will. As for Lucifer, he will have to make this decision on his own.”
“What is Free Will?” Gabriel knows the words, he knows all of the words, but they have no meaning. They are as confusing and mysterious as Loki’s jokes.
“It means they can do whatever they please Gabriel.”
He knows a dismissal when he hears one. Gabriel leaves thinking that Free Will sounds excellent.
----
When things go completely wrong Gabriel is not prepared. Michael and Lucifer have been arguing for so long Gabriel has gotten used to it. It no longer bothers him to see his brothers glaring at each other when they are called together, or whispering about one another in the halls of Heaven. It has become normal.
This is why it catches him so off guard when he returns to Heaven from delivering a message to find his oldest brother collecting an army of angels. He stops Michael in the Great Hall and asks what is happening.
“Lucifer has decided that he is tired of Father’s commands. That he can do better. I am collecting angels to stop him.”
Gabriel has watched the humans for long enough to know what comes next. He grabs his oldest brother’s arm as he tries to leave. “Wait. Michael there must be another way. Father would not want this.”
“If Father did not want me to stop Lucifer from usurping him he would say so. It is time to pick a side Gabriel.”
“At least let me speak to him. He may say this is the wrong way Michael.” He tries to share all of his urgency, his pleading, and after a moment Michael relaxes in his grip.
“Fine. Speak to Father.”
Gabriel rushes to his Father’s throne, and finds him seated in the same way he has been for millions of years. He reaches out and receives the acceptance that means he can speak freely. “Father, we must act. Michael is about to go to war with Lucifer.”
The response is lackluster to say the best. “I am aware.”
“You cannot-Father please. They will destroy each other and Heaven in the process. Please.”
He’s never begged before. It’s not a part of his being, not something he was created for, and he’s being dismissed. He knows it. Still he stands in the presence of his Father and begs.
“I will not stop them.”
And with that the war begins. Gabriel fights with Michael, because it is his duty to protect his Father’s creation. He fights, and his brothers die under his sword. In the end Lucifer is cast down, and his Father shows neither joy nor sadness. Just an infinite weariness Gabriel is finally beginning to understand.
“You will go to Earth. You will tell a man named Joseph that his wife is giving birth to my son. Then you will tell a man named Mohammed about a new religion that he will start.”
Gabriel knows that he shouldn’t ask questions. Michael is constantly telling him he asks too many, and if it was for him to know then his Father would have already explained it. He asks anyway. “Will this not cause strife amongst the humans? Why do you need new creeds in your name?”
“Go Gabriel.”
And that’s it. That’s all that he gets, and all that he is allowed. So Gabriel goes, and he discharges his final two missions from his Father.
------
There are three religions now in his Father’s name, and each one has broken into smaller pieces. Gabriel has taken to spending time on Earth, because being in Heaven only reminds him of what they’ve lost. Of everything that building his Father’s power base has cost them. With the three faiths the other Gods stand no chance of gaining followers at the rate his Father does, and with that his Father’s power grows exponentially.
Gabriel is on Earth when the news comes. The prophecy has been decided, and as it’s written in the human books it will come to pass that his brothers will fight again, and when they do it will be the end of Creation. One will finally kill the other. He’d like to say it surprises him that his father is willing to let this happen. Would like to say that he is saddened by the news, or upset that this is what it’s come to.
Instead Gabriel finds himself in a mead hall with Loki, who looks exhausted and run down. The God turns to him as he drinks from his horn. “Humans bore me.”
Gabriel studies the crowd of Norsemen around them for a moment before turning back. “What will you do? There is no other option.”
“There’s one.” The God’s eyes twinkle for a moment as he studies Gabriel closely. “You’re sick of doing your dad’s dirty work, and you’re sick of Heaven. I think we can help each other out.”
“I do not understand.” Gabriel sips his own mead and enjoys the honey. Sweet things are well worth the rest of Earth’s disgusting qualities.
“I want to die Gabriel. I want to move on to something better. I’m offering you my place.”
At that he turns to take the God in a little more fully. This isn’t a joke. He can tell by the weary lines and the heaviness in the usually happy eyes. Loki wants to move on, and he’s offering Gabriel his title and his powers. Which, at this point, are small compared to his own. But the anonymity, the freedom, those are things that can’t be scoffed at. Gabriel wouldn’t have to stick around and wait for the coming of the two brothers that will house his brothers. He won’t have to fight again, and that means he will never put his blade in another of his siblings. He will never be asked to kill what he’s supposed to love.
“I will take it.”
“Good. Excellent. You’re gonna have to play the part though. Now let’s discuss contractions.”
-----
Gabriel has been the Norse God Loki for almost a century when he meets Kali. He saw her once before at the original council, but she doesn’t recognize him as anything other than the Trickster. At first she’s fairly certain she wants to kill him, but he easily talks her out of it. When they fall into bed it’s still only a hairsbreadth away from violence, but Gabriel finds he kind of enjoys that.
There are so many things about being the Trickster god that he loves. He’s able to do anything he wants, and that’s a heady rush Gabriel can’t express in words. He finds the humans that remind him of Adam, so cocky and self-assured that there’s nowhere for them to go but straight to a serving of humble pie. Sometimes he lets them live after he’s taught them their lesson. Most times he doesn’t. If there’s any lingering shred of guilt at this point about the fact that he’s killing what he was once sworn to protect it falls by the wayside.
His Father knows where he is, knows what he’s done, and obviously doesn’t care enough to step in. Gabriel is ok with that too. For several years he and Kali leave a bloody and glorious path of destruction behind them. He finds the last of his control slipping, and sometimes whole cities fall beneath them. There’s no hesitation, and certainly no questioning her. She sees it as purification by fire, and if anyone knows how badly humans need purified it’s Gabriel.
Except it doesn’t take long for him to find that the sort of brutal destruction he’s taking part in doesn’t make him feel better. In fact it only leaves him emptier than he was when he first met Kali. Everyone assumes that he’s happy, that he enjoys what he does, and sometimes they’re right. Sometimes though, the sheer weight of the evil humans are willing and capable of unleashing upon each other leaves him wondering who he could pass the mantle off to.
He finds himself in a forest, watching as Kali leads the villagers to sacrifice their offspring to a pyre in her name. The villagers want to live, and to do so they must hand over their children. Kali looks his way once before turning her dark eyes back onto the bonfire.
“What is the matter Loki? Not enough levity here?”
Gabriel bites his lip and then leans back against the broad tree behind him. “What’s the point?”
“The point-“ her voice bites tightly as another child is dropped into the blaze, “is proving how easily manipulated they are. How eager they are to get rid of their burdens. Look at them. Not even animals would do this, but they jump to the opportunity as long as their own hides are preserved for one more day.”
He wants to agree, he really does, but he can see the way the women are weeping. He can hear how some of the men sob, and more than a few have slipped quietly out of the village and left for what may be certain death in the interest of saving their children’s lives.
“You know dearest, I think I’m going to take off. This scene is just a little too heavy for me.”
She bares her teeth once before turning her back on him. “You’re too weak to be a proper consort.”
“Yeah, I probably am.”
-----
He’s had so much alcohol in the past few…months. It has been months since he entered the Great Hall in Valhalla, and Odin and Thor are starting to look the worse for wear. He can absorb more, but at this point there is nowhere to go on the drunken meter but up. Who starts the discussion will later be a source of great debate, punctuated by violence, but whoever starts it Gabriel plans on finishing it.
“They’re gonna do it. Of course they’re gonna do it. They gotta do it.”
Odin squinted his one eye as Thor shook the hall with his belch. “What do you mean?”
“They’re only humans. They have all of Heaven and Hell ‘gainst ‘em. Who’s gonna help? Who’ll stop ‘em from making the mistakes?”
What does he mean? Does he really believe that all of it is pre-destined and unavoidable? If that’s true, then why did he ever switch sides?
It hits him then, that if he wants to stay neutral it doesn’t mean he has to refuse all action, just actions that pick a side. Since both sides want the war to happen, then the only truly neutral thing to do is stop it from happening at all. That’s what Switzerland did after all. Wasn’t it? He can’t remember. He spent a good deal of that war in Belize.
“Loki, son, what do you mean?”
Odin shudders when Gabriel turns his gaze on him. “I’m gonna go start some trouble.”
He doesn’t need to explain it better than that. It’s really all they need to know to stay out of his way.
So Gabriel travels back to earth, still intoxicated, but happily so. He finds a psychic strong enough to receive his voice, and he sends the first message he’s given since Mohammed so many years ago.
The man trembles before his presence, terrified that Gabriel will reveal himself and cause the man’s destruction, but all he does is share the information that Sam Winchester is going to bring the Apocalypse if he stays with Dean Winchester. That he should be given to someone who can be trusted to raise him with protection and plausible deniability. Maybe he doesn’t word it that pretty, but he’d defy anyone to say it more formally with as much godly booze as he’s got in his system. He walks away feeling proud of himself for the first time in centuries.
----
The first time he looks in on Sam Winchester is after the grapevine picks up the word on Destiny’s plan. There’s some puppet that’s harboring the youngest Winchester, raising him to be good and kind so that his older brother will love him and then murder him. Gabriel may have lost his temper at that news. He may have destroyed some things. What he certainly did not do was feel guilty at the knowledge that a little girl somewhere witnessed one of her parents brutally murdering the other before offing himself. He certainly didn’t think it was his fault that she would be twisted beyond recognition and used by Heaven as a disposable pawn.
So he starts internet chats with the boy from various locations around the world. They “meet” in a forum board, and from there he talks Sam into instant messages, and then finally video chat. The picture quality is certainly better on his end than on Sam’s, since technically Gabriel is broadcasting from the wires hooked into Sam’s home. The first thing he sees is Sam sitting in a chair, pale-faced and shaking. He studies the boy, and boy he is, very carefully.
This is Lucifer’s vessel? This is the end of the world? He looks like a strong breeze could knock him down and kill him. His hands shake terribly, and the only thing that seems to be holding him down in his chair is the girl leaning on him. Gabriel takes her in next, and what he sees surprises him. He expected someone soft and maternal. Some sweet little thing that would coax the wild animal out of its hovel and gently talk it down.
What he sees instead is a girl with billiard table green hair cut long in the front and short in the back. Her eyes are blue, and colder than the Arctic ice Gabriel occasionally uses for his cocktails. If she were an animal she would eat her young before she cuddled them close. Her lips purse once, and then she licks them and squeezes Sam’s shoulder. His voice comes out slightly steady, only a hint of the fear Gabriel can practically smell rolling off of him.
“You’re L-Loki right? I’m Hamlet.”
He forces a smirk, something easy and affable, and the response is instant. Before words can leave his lips the puppet’s fingers begin to tap Sam’s shoulder and her eyes narrow down to icy points. He keeps it friendly though. Keeps it friendly and tries to see what she’s like when she’s pushed. “Hi Hammy! Yep, I’m Loki. Who’s the Suicide Girl? Your sweetie?”
If it’s possible her lips get thinner and tighter. “His sister. Ope.” Her voice is smooth and warm. It’s supposed to be threatening, but Gabriel gets an odd thrill from it.
Sam shoots her a look, somewhere between hopeful and frightened. “She’s just-just wanted to-she’s gonna-“
“Make sure you’re not some perverted stalker who wants to turn us into housewares. Tilt the camera, I want to see your fucking lampshades.” Her lips have relaxed, gained plush fill, and briefly Gabriel wonders if they’d taste as sweet as her words are hard.
He doesn’t have lampshades, he isn’t in a real physical location, so he conjures up an image of a room that fits in the persona he’s sold Sam of the reclusive hacker. When he “tilts” the camera angle back to his face he can’t help a waggle of his eyebrows. “I don’t want to wear you sweets, but I wouldn’t mind getting inside you.”
For half a second he thinks that Sam will disconnect the feed. It’s exactly the wrong thing to say to a human, but he’s been talking to Gods or marks for so long he’s sort of lost a good deal of his casual conversational skills. It takes him by surprise then that what he gets in response is laughter. First Ope’s, bright and surprised, and then Sam’s.
“Ok Hamlet. Just don’t give him an address. He looks like a fucking mooch.”
“Baby I’d-“ but she’s gone, and it’s just him and Sam Winchester then. They stare at each other for a long silent moment, and then Gabriel gets the smirk back firmly in place. “So other than chatting with strangers, what do you do for fun?”
It’s an unexpected side effect of his discussions with Sam that he employs the kid for the more mundane aspects of his pranks. Anything that requires technology suddenly has a physical element with no supernatural trace, and Gabriel isn’t willing to admit how conserving that energy is useful to him.
More importantly he isn’t willing to admit that neither of the humans are what he expected, nor what he wanted. That Sam, once he relaxes and opens up, is friendly and charming in a way Gabriel thought most humans had lost. He shines with love for Ophelia, and a sort of diminished hope that gives Gabriel pause. There’s pain there, a world of it, but Sam’s not beaten totally down.
Ophelia is a completely different kind of surprise. For some reason, Gabriel thinks of a nameless mortal woman cast down for loving a man too short-sighted to understand what he lost.
-----
Gabriel is over four billion years old when he realizes that he is in love for the first time. It’s Dean Winchester who figures it out first, and Gabriel wonders briefly if he can smite the prick without anyone knowing he’s the one that did it.
And of course once Gabriel knows there’s no going back. He’s heard the ridiculous human myths about angels being made to love people, and he’s aware that some of the younger angels have even been talked into believing that this is true. Gabriel knows better. He knows the difference between love and obedience, and if he had any questions about that difference Ophelia has been kind enough to clarify all of them by being the most disobedient little thing in Creation.
But she loves him back. He knows that now, and he knows that he can’t have it, and that’s the worst part. The part where it got held out to him, and then taken away.
This may finally be the long awaited punishment his Father never doled out for him abandoning his position. At least he’d think that, if he believed his Father gave two shits about him becoming a pagan god and leaving Heaven behind. Instead he finds that now that he knows the smell and feel of her, the sound of her happy, and the weight of her loving gaze on him, he can’t live without it. Or he can, but he doesn’t want to.
There’s a minimal amount of time before she tells the Winchesters who he is, or before Dean and Castiel put the pieces together and figure it out. Either way, he knows that it can’t last. Won’t last. Eventually someone will ask him to cross the line and Gabriel will have to put his foot down. That’ll be the end of them. He knows it already, and the knowing brings him no joy.
So he goes to see her, and finds her dreaming of lying out in the sun on a huge rock overlooking Lake Michigan. The water is bluer than it has any right to be, and the sun is the perfect temperature. There are no other people, and the only sounds are birds in the distance and the gentle waves of the lake moving against the rock she’s on. He studies her for a long minute before she breaks the peaceful setting.
“You’re really here.”
He’s got to stop being surprised by her.
“How’d you know?” Instead of giving himself away he flops down onto the rock beside her and looks out at the water.
“I only dream of you naked.” It’s accompanied by an eyebrow waggle she’s stolen off of him. He laughs, because that’s what he’s supposed to do.
“Is that all I am to you Opey? A hot piece of ass?” He tries to sound aggrieved, but it comes out wrong. There’s too much going on for him to keep up appearances, and the set of her jaw suggests she knows and understands.
“I’ve been thinking about taking a long vacation. Somewhere warm and steamy. Get out of fucking snow and away from the end of the fucking world. That’s what I was dreaming about.”
A fish breaks the surface of the lake, and Gabriel watches it before leaning his head onto the sweat slick skin of her shoulder. It amazes him how detailed it all is. Just like the first time he stares in wonder, but now it’s Ophelia’s creation instead of his father’s.
“Pretty sure Michigan is almost as cold as Maine this time of year. Especially this part of it. You don’t want to see the Bahamas sweets? I could take you there. Maybe Jamaica, or the nicer parts of Mexico?”
Her tongue breaks free and wets her lips before her hand settles into the thick mass of his hair. “Tourist traps. This is much nicer. A world apart.”
Gabriel turns his head just enough to lick her skin, to taste the salty liquid, and then he blinks once as it hits him. “You want to go somewhere alone? Without Sam and his older, lesser shadow?”
“I want to go somewhere with you. When it’s all over. Someplace like this, and just have you. No more masks and no more lies. I want to be honest with one another, and I want it to mean more than a casual fuck, or desperation for connection, or any of that other bullshit. I want you to tell me who you are and what you do. I want to know everything. I want you to ask me the questions you really want to know the answers to.”
“Nobody likes my questions Opey. I’ve been asking too many questions since the beginning of time. It’s my greatest flaw.”
She reaches up, pulls her sunglasses off, and then her eyes land on his face. Her expression is more open and honest than he’s ever seen before, and he knows that look. It’s the one the nameless first woman had before Adam rejected her. It’s trust and love, devotion, honest and plain belief. It’s the door that leads to destruction.
“Yeah? And who told you that? Your dad? Michael and Lucifer? Fuck them. One of them can’t be bothered to take responsibility for his own shit, and the other two are entitled assholes who don’t care about anything but their fucking pride.”
For a moment Gabriel isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say. He doesn’t know how to respond to that. She’s right though, on all counts so far, and he knows that. He also knows that there’s a laundry list of other things in the universe that feel the way his Father and brothers do. That he’s a failure, that he needs to be something else, that he needs to be better.
And then there’s her. This little, arrogant, foul-mouthed, violent human that he has let down so many times it may as well be his new job description. The one whose parents he caused to die, whose life he stole, and who he let be blinded, maimed, and murdered. Gabriel did all of that, or stood by and let all of that happen, and still here she is baring herself to him. Praising him. It’s incomprehensible, and he can’t help himself when he leans forward and captures her lips. In her dreams she tastes the way she tastes in real life. Cigarettes and life, and he licks his way past the lips and into her mouth before taking her chin in his hand and holding her steady. They stay like that for a long time, slow-moving hands touching each other everywhere and lips sliding over lips.
He feels the pull of the summons just as his hand is cupping her breast, and he pulls back and looks at her. This is it. This will be goodbye.
“I gotta go sweets. No choice. I’m sorry.”
“Go where? What the fuck Gabe. I thought-“
“I’m being called.” He takes his last moment to look at her, to get this look imprinted in his long and detailed memory before it disappears from her face. Before he destroys her. “You’re absolutely amazing sometimes you know that?”
With that he goes to the circle, and faces his little brother and the Winchesters.
-----
The next morning he sat silent and waiting, invisible, and he watched as she woke up to a bed full of chocolates and roses. Her lips twitched once, twice, and then she did what she always did. The exact opposite of anything Gabriel was ready for.
The issue, he realized belatedly, was that he’d spent an eternity being what he could be because what he was wasn’t good enough. His Father hadn’t cared enough to support them, had disappeared as soon as it was possible. Michael wanted him because he was a good warrior, Lucifer wanted him to piss off Michael, and nobody had really cared much what Gabriel wanted. Loki had wanted release, and Gabriel had wanted anonymity. Free Will. Father had spoken so casually about it, but it was everything. Becoming the Trickster was supposed to give him that, but all it had done was peg him into another niche that he had to fill.
This, this little temporary thing in the bed in front of him, had required nothing. Had asked for nothing, and when it was time for Gabriel to pack his shit and take off like he always did she had simply let him. She wasn’t wrong, he knew everything she was and everything she could be. His Father had given him all the words at the beginning of time, and Gabriel had spent an eternity putting those words into context and learning their feel instead of their meanings.
If it had been an option, if there was a way to continue to be with her and not be a part of the killing he would. He would stay, wrap her up in his arms, chase the stressors away and be everything she needed him to be. He would support her and stay with her.
Instead, Gabriel had turned his back and walked away.
It was Ope that taught him love though. He should be grateful, but he was mostly bitter.
So he expected her to push the piles of shit out of her bed, or to laugh fondly, or any other number of things that would fit in the character of someone stupid enough to know Gabriel for who and what he was and still love him.
Instead she took a deep breath, and then a second, and then buried her face in her hands and cried softly and silently until Gabriel couldn’t take it anymore and he left.
He was setting up a developer who liked to build neighborhoods on top of nuclear waste dump sites when the prayer reached him.
“Thank you.”
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 5,747
Pairing(s): Sam/Dean, Dean/OFC, Gabriel/OFC
Beta(s): The Unfailingly Patient and Kind
sammichgirl, who can't be blamed for my mistakes.Summary: A timestamp for "Lost Time", examines Dean and Gabriel's pasts. Won't make much sense if you haven't read "Lost Time", and has spoilers for the story.
Gabriel has not been around for long. He came to being in front of his Father and his two brothers, and Lucifer and Michael were instantly glad to see him. Gabriel knew upon coming to existence everything his Father wished him to know, and so the knowledge of his name, his purpose, and those of his brothers is already waiting for him. He is the third, and he will be his Father’s Messenger. That is all that Gabriel needs.
There is a council of Gods like his Father, and Gabriel is sent in his Father’s stead. They divide the universe into portions, and then they divide a ball of rock and discuss where they will be allowed to place their followers. Gabriel gets no more and no less than his Father requested, because that is what he was told. He wants to ask about the other Gods. How old are they? Do they have creations like himself and his brothers? What will their followers believe?
He asks nothing, because he isn’t supposed to wonder, but he still has so many questions.
He stays quiet because his Father told him to only speak regarding the plan and the dispersal of land. There is a God there, the son of another God who is loud and angry, who winks at him. He says his name is Loki, and he strings together a series of words that have basic conceptual meanings, but no solid reality behind them. Words like knock and orange. Loki says it is the first joke in Creation, and Gabriel believes him, but he doesn’t know why Loki laughs afterwards. He responds with laughter though, because joy is pleasant.
The world is seven days old when Gabriel is first allowed to walk on it. There’s a primordial stew on the ground that Father specifically stated they are not allowed to touch, and Gabriel obeys. That is what he is for after all, obedience. Michael tells them all what they can and cannot touch, what they should stay away from, and Gabriel obeys Michael as well. There are so few of them, and they have so much space to cover. So much to see.
Father’s creation is amazing, and Gabriel allows himself the pleasure of feeling the tips of leaves of reveling in sensation which is a fairly new experience for him. He has a form here, and his form loves this place. Toes touch water, and Gabriel relishes in the newness of wet and warm.
Michael calls out moments after he has felt another plant, and tells him that the thing is off-limits. But Gabriel just touched it, and Father said nothing. Nothing bad has happened. Gabriel experiences two things for the first time in that moment; a frown, and doubt.
Father calls them all together in the center of the Garden, and there he wakes the human for the first time. The man is small, simple looking, but Gabriel knows better. He knows that his Father is perfection, and as such everything that they look at here is intricate and detailed. The man looks around, and then focuses on them. His eyes are wide, shining, wet, and Gabriel is tempted to reach out and poke him. Just to see what would happen. He doesn’t though, because their father specifically stated that the human was off-limits.
From the man comes a woman, and Gabriel is instantly pleased. She’s wonderful, her eyes don’t go slack the way the man’s do, and instead they take into account every part of their surroundings. When her eyes turn on the first man they go wide, and then soft and sweet. It is the first time Gabriel sees love, and that’s transformative. There is a part of him that knows everything their Father imbued them with, and love was in that list, but he has never seen it. The woman loves the man, her eyes say it and her hands stroke softly and smoothly over the place where their Father brought her from.
Gabriel wishes, fervently, that she would look at him like that. Wishes he was made to be loved the way their Father made the man. Except that is not for him, and Gabriel will not overstep his bounds.
This day, the first day that he walks upon Creation and the first day that man takes breath, is the day Gabriel learns more about his state of being then he ever expected to. Until now he has been nothing but an observer. When their Father moved His will, they simply watched. Gabriel has known that he was created to protect his Father’s work, to obey his Father’s will, and to stand beside his brothers. All of that is simply a part of his being, a thing that he knows without knowing how or when or why. So now he is standing on his Father’s greatest work, staring upon love for the first time, and he swells with pride at what he is a part of. He has been created to protect this. To protect the simple and humble love within the woman’s eyes.
While he is thinking all of that, marveling at the design trapped in simplicity, the man finally responds to the woman’s tender touches and gentle looks. He reacts by pushing her away sharply, eyes narrowing in an emotion Gabriel instantly knows is called disgust. She cries out in what he believes is anguish, and then falls backwards. The man turns to his Father and speaks the first words since he awoke in the Garden. “She is refuse.”
Father destroys her with a thought. Gone are the soft and loving eyes, the expression of joy and surrender, gone is everything Gabriel came to admire in man in seconds. She is replaced with a secondary choice, but the man doesn’t care for this one either. She refuses to submit. Father names him Adam, and her Lilith, and then she is cast out of the Garden.
For his third try Father puts Adam to sleep and creates another woman out of his rib. When Adam awakes he loves her, and she submits, and all is well. Except for Gabriel, who looks on the scene without the joy that he had in the beginning. Who is Adam to question their Father? Who is Adam to suggest that he deserves different, better, when Gabriel and his brothers have been given nothing? Why did the woman, who will now forever be nameless, have to be the one destroyed?
That’s when Father commands them to kneel before the two humans, and Gabriel responds automatically because that is what they were made for. That is why they exist.
Lucifer does not kneel.
-----
Creation has changed drastically by the time Gabriel finally goes to his Father. The first humans have given way to the ones Father had brewing in the primordial stew. Even with Adam gone Lucifer is still surly and unhappy, and the tensions between him and Michael have only escalated as the years have gone on. Lucifer sees no point in the creatures learning to walk on two legs or re-capturing language, something that should have been their birthright (Lucifer points out), but has been lost to them due to bad behavior.
He takes a seat near his Father and waits to be acknowledged before he begins to ask questions. “Father, what will the new humans do? Why did we let the first ones die? What will appease Lucifer’s anger?”
His Father is indulgent if distant. “They will do what they want Gabriel. They have Free Will. As for Lucifer, he will have to make this decision on his own.”
“What is Free Will?” Gabriel knows the words, he knows all of the words, but they have no meaning. They are as confusing and mysterious as Loki’s jokes.
“It means they can do whatever they please Gabriel.”
He knows a dismissal when he hears one. Gabriel leaves thinking that Free Will sounds excellent.
----
When things go completely wrong Gabriel is not prepared. Michael and Lucifer have been arguing for so long Gabriel has gotten used to it. It no longer bothers him to see his brothers glaring at each other when they are called together, or whispering about one another in the halls of Heaven. It has become normal.
This is why it catches him so off guard when he returns to Heaven from delivering a message to find his oldest brother collecting an army of angels. He stops Michael in the Great Hall and asks what is happening.
“Lucifer has decided that he is tired of Father’s commands. That he can do better. I am collecting angels to stop him.”
Gabriel has watched the humans for long enough to know what comes next. He grabs his oldest brother’s arm as he tries to leave. “Wait. Michael there must be another way. Father would not want this.”
“If Father did not want me to stop Lucifer from usurping him he would say so. It is time to pick a side Gabriel.”
“At least let me speak to him. He may say this is the wrong way Michael.” He tries to share all of his urgency, his pleading, and after a moment Michael relaxes in his grip.
“Fine. Speak to Father.”
Gabriel rushes to his Father’s throne, and finds him seated in the same way he has been for millions of years. He reaches out and receives the acceptance that means he can speak freely. “Father, we must act. Michael is about to go to war with Lucifer.”
The response is lackluster to say the best. “I am aware.”
“You cannot-Father please. They will destroy each other and Heaven in the process. Please.”
He’s never begged before. It’s not a part of his being, not something he was created for, and he’s being dismissed. He knows it. Still he stands in the presence of his Father and begs.
“I will not stop them.”
And with that the war begins. Gabriel fights with Michael, because it is his duty to protect his Father’s creation. He fights, and his brothers die under his sword. In the end Lucifer is cast down, and his Father shows neither joy nor sadness. Just an infinite weariness Gabriel is finally beginning to understand.
“You will go to Earth. You will tell a man named Joseph that his wife is giving birth to my son. Then you will tell a man named Mohammed about a new religion that he will start.”
Gabriel knows that he shouldn’t ask questions. Michael is constantly telling him he asks too many, and if it was for him to know then his Father would have already explained it. He asks anyway. “Will this not cause strife amongst the humans? Why do you need new creeds in your name?”
“Go Gabriel.”
And that’s it. That’s all that he gets, and all that he is allowed. So Gabriel goes, and he discharges his final two missions from his Father.
------
There are three religions now in his Father’s name, and each one has broken into smaller pieces. Gabriel has taken to spending time on Earth, because being in Heaven only reminds him of what they’ve lost. Of everything that building his Father’s power base has cost them. With the three faiths the other Gods stand no chance of gaining followers at the rate his Father does, and with that his Father’s power grows exponentially.
Gabriel is on Earth when the news comes. The prophecy has been decided, and as it’s written in the human books it will come to pass that his brothers will fight again, and when they do it will be the end of Creation. One will finally kill the other. He’d like to say it surprises him that his father is willing to let this happen. Would like to say that he is saddened by the news, or upset that this is what it’s come to.
Instead Gabriel finds himself in a mead hall with Loki, who looks exhausted and run down. The God turns to him as he drinks from his horn. “Humans bore me.”
Gabriel studies the crowd of Norsemen around them for a moment before turning back. “What will you do? There is no other option.”
“There’s one.” The God’s eyes twinkle for a moment as he studies Gabriel closely. “You’re sick of doing your dad’s dirty work, and you’re sick of Heaven. I think we can help each other out.”
“I do not understand.” Gabriel sips his own mead and enjoys the honey. Sweet things are well worth the rest of Earth’s disgusting qualities.
“I want to die Gabriel. I want to move on to something better. I’m offering you my place.”
At that he turns to take the God in a little more fully. This isn’t a joke. He can tell by the weary lines and the heaviness in the usually happy eyes. Loki wants to move on, and he’s offering Gabriel his title and his powers. Which, at this point, are small compared to his own. But the anonymity, the freedom, those are things that can’t be scoffed at. Gabriel wouldn’t have to stick around and wait for the coming of the two brothers that will house his brothers. He won’t have to fight again, and that means he will never put his blade in another of his siblings. He will never be asked to kill what he’s supposed to love.
“I will take it.”
“Good. Excellent. You’re gonna have to play the part though. Now let’s discuss contractions.”
-----
Gabriel has been the Norse God Loki for almost a century when he meets Kali. He saw her once before at the original council, but she doesn’t recognize him as anything other than the Trickster. At first she’s fairly certain she wants to kill him, but he easily talks her out of it. When they fall into bed it’s still only a hairsbreadth away from violence, but Gabriel finds he kind of enjoys that.
There are so many things about being the Trickster god that he loves. He’s able to do anything he wants, and that’s a heady rush Gabriel can’t express in words. He finds the humans that remind him of Adam, so cocky and self-assured that there’s nowhere for them to go but straight to a serving of humble pie. Sometimes he lets them live after he’s taught them their lesson. Most times he doesn’t. If there’s any lingering shred of guilt at this point about the fact that he’s killing what he was once sworn to protect it falls by the wayside.
His Father knows where he is, knows what he’s done, and obviously doesn’t care enough to step in. Gabriel is ok with that too. For several years he and Kali leave a bloody and glorious path of destruction behind them. He finds the last of his control slipping, and sometimes whole cities fall beneath them. There’s no hesitation, and certainly no questioning her. She sees it as purification by fire, and if anyone knows how badly humans need purified it’s Gabriel.
Except it doesn’t take long for him to find that the sort of brutal destruction he’s taking part in doesn’t make him feel better. In fact it only leaves him emptier than he was when he first met Kali. Everyone assumes that he’s happy, that he enjoys what he does, and sometimes they’re right. Sometimes though, the sheer weight of the evil humans are willing and capable of unleashing upon each other leaves him wondering who he could pass the mantle off to.
He finds himself in a forest, watching as Kali leads the villagers to sacrifice their offspring to a pyre in her name. The villagers want to live, and to do so they must hand over their children. Kali looks his way once before turning her dark eyes back onto the bonfire.
“What is the matter Loki? Not enough levity here?”
Gabriel bites his lip and then leans back against the broad tree behind him. “What’s the point?”
“The point-“ her voice bites tightly as another child is dropped into the blaze, “is proving how easily manipulated they are. How eager they are to get rid of their burdens. Look at them. Not even animals would do this, but they jump to the opportunity as long as their own hides are preserved for one more day.”
He wants to agree, he really does, but he can see the way the women are weeping. He can hear how some of the men sob, and more than a few have slipped quietly out of the village and left for what may be certain death in the interest of saving their children’s lives.
“You know dearest, I think I’m going to take off. This scene is just a little too heavy for me.”
She bares her teeth once before turning her back on him. “You’re too weak to be a proper consort.”
“Yeah, I probably am.”
-----
He’s had so much alcohol in the past few…months. It has been months since he entered the Great Hall in Valhalla, and Odin and Thor are starting to look the worse for wear. He can absorb more, but at this point there is nowhere to go on the drunken meter but up. Who starts the discussion will later be a source of great debate, punctuated by violence, but whoever starts it Gabriel plans on finishing it.
“They’re gonna do it. Of course they’re gonna do it. They gotta do it.”
Odin squinted his one eye as Thor shook the hall with his belch. “What do you mean?”
“They’re only humans. They have all of Heaven and Hell ‘gainst ‘em. Who’s gonna help? Who’ll stop ‘em from making the mistakes?”
What does he mean? Does he really believe that all of it is pre-destined and unavoidable? If that’s true, then why did he ever switch sides?
It hits him then, that if he wants to stay neutral it doesn’t mean he has to refuse all action, just actions that pick a side. Since both sides want the war to happen, then the only truly neutral thing to do is stop it from happening at all. That’s what Switzerland did after all. Wasn’t it? He can’t remember. He spent a good deal of that war in Belize.
“Loki, son, what do you mean?”
Odin shudders when Gabriel turns his gaze on him. “I’m gonna go start some trouble.”
He doesn’t need to explain it better than that. It’s really all they need to know to stay out of his way.
So Gabriel travels back to earth, still intoxicated, but happily so. He finds a psychic strong enough to receive his voice, and he sends the first message he’s given since Mohammed so many years ago.
The man trembles before his presence, terrified that Gabriel will reveal himself and cause the man’s destruction, but all he does is share the information that Sam Winchester is going to bring the Apocalypse if he stays with Dean Winchester. That he should be given to someone who can be trusted to raise him with protection and plausible deniability. Maybe he doesn’t word it that pretty, but he’d defy anyone to say it more formally with as much godly booze as he’s got in his system. He walks away feeling proud of himself for the first time in centuries.
----
The first time he looks in on Sam Winchester is after the grapevine picks up the word on Destiny’s plan. There’s some puppet that’s harboring the youngest Winchester, raising him to be good and kind so that his older brother will love him and then murder him. Gabriel may have lost his temper at that news. He may have destroyed some things. What he certainly did not do was feel guilty at the knowledge that a little girl somewhere witnessed one of her parents brutally murdering the other before offing himself. He certainly didn’t think it was his fault that she would be twisted beyond recognition and used by Heaven as a disposable pawn.
So he starts internet chats with the boy from various locations around the world. They “meet” in a forum board, and from there he talks Sam into instant messages, and then finally video chat. The picture quality is certainly better on his end than on Sam’s, since technically Gabriel is broadcasting from the wires hooked into Sam’s home. The first thing he sees is Sam sitting in a chair, pale-faced and shaking. He studies the boy, and boy he is, very carefully.
This is Lucifer’s vessel? This is the end of the world? He looks like a strong breeze could knock him down and kill him. His hands shake terribly, and the only thing that seems to be holding him down in his chair is the girl leaning on him. Gabriel takes her in next, and what he sees surprises him. He expected someone soft and maternal. Some sweet little thing that would coax the wild animal out of its hovel and gently talk it down.
What he sees instead is a girl with billiard table green hair cut long in the front and short in the back. Her eyes are blue, and colder than the Arctic ice Gabriel occasionally uses for his cocktails. If she were an animal she would eat her young before she cuddled them close. Her lips purse once, and then she licks them and squeezes Sam’s shoulder. His voice comes out slightly steady, only a hint of the fear Gabriel can practically smell rolling off of him.
“You’re L-Loki right? I’m Hamlet.”
He forces a smirk, something easy and affable, and the response is instant. Before words can leave his lips the puppet’s fingers begin to tap Sam’s shoulder and her eyes narrow down to icy points. He keeps it friendly though. Keeps it friendly and tries to see what she’s like when she’s pushed. “Hi Hammy! Yep, I’m Loki. Who’s the Suicide Girl? Your sweetie?”
If it’s possible her lips get thinner and tighter. “His sister. Ope.” Her voice is smooth and warm. It’s supposed to be threatening, but Gabriel gets an odd thrill from it.
Sam shoots her a look, somewhere between hopeful and frightened. “She’s just-just wanted to-she’s gonna-“
“Make sure you’re not some perverted stalker who wants to turn us into housewares. Tilt the camera, I want to see your fucking lampshades.” Her lips have relaxed, gained plush fill, and briefly Gabriel wonders if they’d taste as sweet as her words are hard.
He doesn’t have lampshades, he isn’t in a real physical location, so he conjures up an image of a room that fits in the persona he’s sold Sam of the reclusive hacker. When he “tilts” the camera angle back to his face he can’t help a waggle of his eyebrows. “I don’t want to wear you sweets, but I wouldn’t mind getting inside you.”
For half a second he thinks that Sam will disconnect the feed. It’s exactly the wrong thing to say to a human, but he’s been talking to Gods or marks for so long he’s sort of lost a good deal of his casual conversational skills. It takes him by surprise then that what he gets in response is laughter. First Ope’s, bright and surprised, and then Sam’s.
“Ok Hamlet. Just don’t give him an address. He looks like a fucking mooch.”
“Baby I’d-“ but she’s gone, and it’s just him and Sam Winchester then. They stare at each other for a long silent moment, and then Gabriel gets the smirk back firmly in place. “So other than chatting with strangers, what do you do for fun?”
It’s an unexpected side effect of his discussions with Sam that he employs the kid for the more mundane aspects of his pranks. Anything that requires technology suddenly has a physical element with no supernatural trace, and Gabriel isn’t willing to admit how conserving that energy is useful to him.
More importantly he isn’t willing to admit that neither of the humans are what he expected, nor what he wanted. That Sam, once he relaxes and opens up, is friendly and charming in a way Gabriel thought most humans had lost. He shines with love for Ophelia, and a sort of diminished hope that gives Gabriel pause. There’s pain there, a world of it, but Sam’s not beaten totally down.
Ophelia is a completely different kind of surprise. For some reason, Gabriel thinks of a nameless mortal woman cast down for loving a man too short-sighted to understand what he lost.
-----
Gabriel is over four billion years old when he realizes that he is in love for the first time. It’s Dean Winchester who figures it out first, and Gabriel wonders briefly if he can smite the prick without anyone knowing he’s the one that did it.
And of course once Gabriel knows there’s no going back. He’s heard the ridiculous human myths about angels being made to love people, and he’s aware that some of the younger angels have even been talked into believing that this is true. Gabriel knows better. He knows the difference between love and obedience, and if he had any questions about that difference Ophelia has been kind enough to clarify all of them by being the most disobedient little thing in Creation.
But she loves him back. He knows that now, and he knows that he can’t have it, and that’s the worst part. The part where it got held out to him, and then taken away.
This may finally be the long awaited punishment his Father never doled out for him abandoning his position. At least he’d think that, if he believed his Father gave two shits about him becoming a pagan god and leaving Heaven behind. Instead he finds that now that he knows the smell and feel of her, the sound of her happy, and the weight of her loving gaze on him, he can’t live without it. Or he can, but he doesn’t want to.
There’s a minimal amount of time before she tells the Winchesters who he is, or before Dean and Castiel put the pieces together and figure it out. Either way, he knows that it can’t last. Won’t last. Eventually someone will ask him to cross the line and Gabriel will have to put his foot down. That’ll be the end of them. He knows it already, and the knowing brings him no joy.
So he goes to see her, and finds her dreaming of lying out in the sun on a huge rock overlooking Lake Michigan. The water is bluer than it has any right to be, and the sun is the perfect temperature. There are no other people, and the only sounds are birds in the distance and the gentle waves of the lake moving against the rock she’s on. He studies her for a long minute before she breaks the peaceful setting.
“You’re really here.”
He’s got to stop being surprised by her.
“How’d you know?” Instead of giving himself away he flops down onto the rock beside her and looks out at the water.
“I only dream of you naked.” It’s accompanied by an eyebrow waggle she’s stolen off of him. He laughs, because that’s what he’s supposed to do.
“Is that all I am to you Opey? A hot piece of ass?” He tries to sound aggrieved, but it comes out wrong. There’s too much going on for him to keep up appearances, and the set of her jaw suggests she knows and understands.
“I’ve been thinking about taking a long vacation. Somewhere warm and steamy. Get out of fucking snow and away from the end of the fucking world. That’s what I was dreaming about.”
A fish breaks the surface of the lake, and Gabriel watches it before leaning his head onto the sweat slick skin of her shoulder. It amazes him how detailed it all is. Just like the first time he stares in wonder, but now it’s Ophelia’s creation instead of his father’s.
“Pretty sure Michigan is almost as cold as Maine this time of year. Especially this part of it. You don’t want to see the Bahamas sweets? I could take you there. Maybe Jamaica, or the nicer parts of Mexico?”
Her tongue breaks free and wets her lips before her hand settles into the thick mass of his hair. “Tourist traps. This is much nicer. A world apart.”
Gabriel turns his head just enough to lick her skin, to taste the salty liquid, and then he blinks once as it hits him. “You want to go somewhere alone? Without Sam and his older, lesser shadow?”
“I want to go somewhere with you. When it’s all over. Someplace like this, and just have you. No more masks and no more lies. I want to be honest with one another, and I want it to mean more than a casual fuck, or desperation for connection, or any of that other bullshit. I want you to tell me who you are and what you do. I want to know everything. I want you to ask me the questions you really want to know the answers to.”
“Nobody likes my questions Opey. I’ve been asking too many questions since the beginning of time. It’s my greatest flaw.”
She reaches up, pulls her sunglasses off, and then her eyes land on his face. Her expression is more open and honest than he’s ever seen before, and he knows that look. It’s the one the nameless first woman had before Adam rejected her. It’s trust and love, devotion, honest and plain belief. It’s the door that leads to destruction.
“Yeah? And who told you that? Your dad? Michael and Lucifer? Fuck them. One of them can’t be bothered to take responsibility for his own shit, and the other two are entitled assholes who don’t care about anything but their fucking pride.”
For a moment Gabriel isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say. He doesn’t know how to respond to that. She’s right though, on all counts so far, and he knows that. He also knows that there’s a laundry list of other things in the universe that feel the way his Father and brothers do. That he’s a failure, that he needs to be something else, that he needs to be better.
And then there’s her. This little, arrogant, foul-mouthed, violent human that he has let down so many times it may as well be his new job description. The one whose parents he caused to die, whose life he stole, and who he let be blinded, maimed, and murdered. Gabriel did all of that, or stood by and let all of that happen, and still here she is baring herself to him. Praising him. It’s incomprehensible, and he can’t help himself when he leans forward and captures her lips. In her dreams she tastes the way she tastes in real life. Cigarettes and life, and he licks his way past the lips and into her mouth before taking her chin in his hand and holding her steady. They stay like that for a long time, slow-moving hands touching each other everywhere and lips sliding over lips.
He feels the pull of the summons just as his hand is cupping her breast, and he pulls back and looks at her. This is it. This will be goodbye.
“I gotta go sweets. No choice. I’m sorry.”
“Go where? What the fuck Gabe. I thought-“
“I’m being called.” He takes his last moment to look at her, to get this look imprinted in his long and detailed memory before it disappears from her face. Before he destroys her. “You’re absolutely amazing sometimes you know that?”
With that he goes to the circle, and faces his little brother and the Winchesters.
-----
The next morning he sat silent and waiting, invisible, and he watched as she woke up to a bed full of chocolates and roses. Her lips twitched once, twice, and then she did what she always did. The exact opposite of anything Gabriel was ready for.
The issue, he realized belatedly, was that he’d spent an eternity being what he could be because what he was wasn’t good enough. His Father hadn’t cared enough to support them, had disappeared as soon as it was possible. Michael wanted him because he was a good warrior, Lucifer wanted him to piss off Michael, and nobody had really cared much what Gabriel wanted. Loki had wanted release, and Gabriel had wanted anonymity. Free Will. Father had spoken so casually about it, but it was everything. Becoming the Trickster was supposed to give him that, but all it had done was peg him into another niche that he had to fill.
This, this little temporary thing in the bed in front of him, had required nothing. Had asked for nothing, and when it was time for Gabriel to pack his shit and take off like he always did she had simply let him. She wasn’t wrong, he knew everything she was and everything she could be. His Father had given him all the words at the beginning of time, and Gabriel had spent an eternity putting those words into context and learning their feel instead of their meanings.
If it had been an option, if there was a way to continue to be with her and not be a part of the killing he would. He would stay, wrap her up in his arms, chase the stressors away and be everything she needed him to be. He would support her and stay with her.
Instead, Gabriel had turned his back and walked away.
It was Ope that taught him love though. He should be grateful, but he was mostly bitter.
So he expected her to push the piles of shit out of her bed, or to laugh fondly, or any other number of things that would fit in the character of someone stupid enough to know Gabriel for who and what he was and still love him.
Instead she took a deep breath, and then a second, and then buried her face in her hands and cried softly and silently until Gabriel couldn’t take it anymore and he left.
He was setting up a developer who liked to build neighborhoods on top of nuclear waste dump sites when the prayer reached him.
“Thank you.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-02-21 01:28 am (UTC)Plus, I might be a addict to your stories, esp this 'verse.
You can try to make me choose a favorite of the four...but my heart belongs to Sam. Although, I've always like Gabe. And Ope really amazes me - she needs to be canon, she's that good. And Dean, he's so what I want for Sam, and you can't have one without the other. :D
no subject
Date: 2013-02-21 02:31 am (UTC)I would never try to make you choose anyone other than Sam. :) Although, every time someone tells me they like Ope my joy is only outweighed by my surprise. I'm never sure why...
Anyway, yeah, I'm glad I did these too. I feel like they're necessary.
How. Is. She. So. AWESOME?
Date: 2013-02-21 11:12 pm (UTC)Dimeliora did
TIMESTAMPS!
Re: How. Is. She. So. AWESOME?
Date: 2013-02-22 05:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-24 05:17 am (UTC)And I want to be Ophelia's slightly intimidated but adoring friend.
So happy that you wrote more of this! Eagerly awaiting future installments. Love it love it.
no subject
Date: 2013-02-24 05:53 am (UTC)As for Ope, I think I'd be more intimidating than you. She might be a little pissed at me...
I'm glad you like it and thank you for reviewing! There's a large amount of outline at the moment and two completed chapters for the sequel. It's slow but steady movement I guess. :)
no subject
Date: 2013-03-23 04:34 am (UTC)Seriously, this was brilliant.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-23 01:16 pm (UTC)Thank you.