Yes, That is Not My Banana

[dime_liora]

Were there time and world enough I would learn to edit videos. Also, I would buy Supernatural on DVD so I could steal scenes. I've been watching videos dedicated to stories I've read, and I keep salivating. It's something I'd like to try, or see I guess, but I know I'd suck at it. I must just content myself to being envious.Still, a video based off a story with music and...oh how nice.

There's a lot of negativity today. I left my Metaphysical Poetry class early last night, because one of my best friends called beforehand crying. She got some really bad medical news, and I spent a good deal of the night on the phone with her. Then I texted another close friend and found out his girlfriend, another friend of mine, is about to lose her mom. Cancer. Which is especially hard for him, because he's a cancer survivor.

I'm not a quiet person. At least not near people I know, but I've always had this weird ability to get people to start confessing to stuff. Whcih is ok, I'm good to listen, but sometimes it becomes a little heavy. I often become a sort of dumping ground for people's troubles, and there's a limit to how much you can absorb before it starts to get you down. Which isn't to say I'll complain, because if I can be helpful I'd like to be. In this case, because I moved so stupidly far away, the only thing I can do is listen and be his confessor. Which is...much harder than I thought it would be. I was with him through all of his chemo and his bone marrow transplants, and it's hard to be unable to hug him. To only be able to listen when he breaks down. There's a certain kind of survivor's guilt that is easy to understand and difficult to hear coming from the mouth of someone you consider a brother. This guy stood in a tux next to me at my wedding, and he's been there for some of the hardest parts of my life, and I feel like I'm letting him down. Which is probably why I'm drowning myself in inconsequential shit like slash videos instead of trying to handle my own angst.

Or typing this. Anyway I have to go to class and pretend I did all the reading. That'll be a hoot.

Comments

[sammichgirl]

Negativity must be in the air. Or misery loves company? Either way, it sucks.

I understand being a sponge. I am the same, and whatever one is feeling, emoting, sharing, I soak it all up and mirror it myself. Sometimes that is great, with happiness and love and warm fuzzies. More often than not, it's the shit noone wants. But of course, we muddle through, and try our best to help, listen, comfort, love - any way we can.

Your friend knows you care, that you want to do more. And just listening is huge and a great help, although we feel helpless. I've become more spiritual than religious in my life, and well, I think there is something to be said for truly sending love and light out to someone - mentally, a pushing of energy.

My besty doesn't live locally. And he is my brother aside from DNA - he was my man of honor at my wedding. When he hurts, I hurt. Truly, deeply, carrying that pain in my own heart and feeling like I can't do anything to make it better.

:( So sorry for the pain and angst you're working through.

[dimeliora.livejournal.com]

Yeah, distance is a huge bitch. Also? It's amazing how easy it is to recognize people as family without blood isn't it? That's what's always killed me about Bobby.